Re: You and your GOD Don't CARE

Dear Chester,

The question of the nuclear family and where it is going, is an issue
which is difficult even for specialists.

>
>You and your GOD Don't CARE
>
A lot of people do care about marriage breakdowns, but they often find
themselves powerless to do anything to prevent them. 

Since God (Nature for pantheists) continues to make the sun shine,
there is no reason to suppose "He" cares any less.

One book that partially discusses the problem is: 
"The End of Marriage--Why Monogamy Isn't Workig" by Julian Hafner
ISBN 0 71265607 3


>From the back cover
================

The End of Marriage is the most radical look at sexual politics since
The Female Eunuch. Psychiatrist Julian Hafner takes a non-sexist view
deep into the human psyche:

The Tyranny of Togetherness
The sense of being incomplete without a partner is a major cause of
misery inside and outside marriage.

The Myth of the Universal Maternal Instinct
It was only in the 19th Century that women were asked to sacrifice
their own needs and aspirations to devote themselves to the welfare of
their husbands and children. At other times and in other cultures
child care has been organized differently. Today staying at home to
look after children causes untold psychiatric disorders in married
women. Women aged 25-40 who are married are, for example, three times
as likely to suffer from mental illness as unmarried women of the same
age.

The Polygamous Woman
Marriage is an institution designed by men to disguise women's
polygamous nature. In middle age just about all of us expect our
marriage partners to be sexually faithful and most of us struggle to
be faithful ourselves. The expectation of sexual excitement and
fulfillment inside marriage persists over many years. Biologically
this is absurd.

Men's Lost Years
Men pay a huge price for their attempts to control women. The ideal
woman needs an ideal man. In their attempts to live up to unattainable
ideals of manhood, men are forced to deny their own feminine
attributes, and often become self distructive, with the result that a
man's life span is 7 years shorter than that of a woman.

The End of Love
In the 20th Century when the huge subclass of prostitutes no longer
existed, men created a new class of women who bore a burden greater
than that of prostitutes and wives combined, namely women with whom
they fall in love. In psychological terms falling in love can be seen
as a form of bullying.

The idea of romantic, passionate love as a necessary preliminary to
marriage makes harmonious relationships between men and women almost
impossible to achieve.

====================

>STATISTICS
>1) 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
>

One factor that can put stress on marriage is involvement with complex
issues. The more complex an issue, the more difficult it will be for a
couple to reach agreement.

In Australia, a lot of parents lack confidence in public schools and
send their children to private schools.

It sometimes happens that one parent is determined to send the
children to private schools, but the other lacks confidence that they
will be able to earn enough money to pay the fees.

Discussions about the pros and cons can get both very complicated and
emotional and contribute to marriage breakdowns. 

I wonder if Americans have this problem?

Possible solution: The state should provide much higher quality
education so that parents can send their kids to state schools.

Another problem is that if both parents have careers, it may be
difficult to determine which career should be sacrificed if one parent
needs to be transfered interstate. It may in fact be necessary to live
apart.

Possible solution: Could the state provide families with sufficient
child support so that at most only one parent ever needs to work?


>12) Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high
>school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need
>help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March
>26, 1999]
>
It would be reasonable to assume that children with two mutually
supporting parents would be better off than children of a solo parent.

However, when a marriage breaks down, problems are usually aggravated
by economic factors. So I have some questions.

Are solo parents in the United States able to stay home and look after
their children or are they forced to go out to earn money, thereby
leading to neglect of children?

Do solo parents in the United States receive enough money so they can
afford to provide their children with interesting and stimulating
lives?

Does the gap between rich and poor in the United States lead children
of solo parents to think that society is unfair? Could this contribute
to feelings of resentment, lack of motivation, antisocial
inclinations?

Would children be better provided for in a socialist country such as
Cuba?

When parents separate/divorce are they encouraged to do so amicably or
are they encouraged to blame each other and waste money fighting each
other in court?


>Human existence requires the family. If this is true and 
>the above reflects our choice, we deserve and will 
>achieve what we want.

When families lived on the land, a family was a unit of production.
Physical work provided a healthy outlet for negative emotions.

In industrial society, the nuclear family often exists in rented
accomodation with no garden and is a unit of consumption. When both
parents go out to work, they do so as individuals. This can pull them
in different directions.

Its a difficult situation. 
If people suspect their future lives are uncertain, perhaps they
should avoid having children.


Regards,
Peter