We the sensible people of the United States, in an
attempt to help everyone get along, restore some
semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the
blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our
great great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more
time to ordain and establish some common sense
guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden,
delusional, and other liberal bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: That a whole
lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and
are so dim that they require a Bill of Non Rights.
* ARTICLE I -- You do not have the right to a new
car, big screen TV or any form of wealth.
More power to you if you can legally acquire
them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
* ARTICLE II -- You do not have the right to never
be offended.
This country is based on freedom, and that
means the freedom for everyone, not just you! You may
leave the room, turn the channel, express a different
opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots and
probably always will be.
* ARTICLE III -- You do not have the right to be
free from harm.
If you stick a screwdriver in your eye,
learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool
manufacturer to make you and all your relatives
independently wealthy.
* ARTICLE IV -- You do not have the right to free
food and housing.
Americans are the most charitable people to
be found, and will gladly help anyone in need but we
are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generations of
professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more
than the creation of another generation of professional
couch potatoes.
* ARTICLE V -- You do not have the right to free
health care.
That would be nice but, from the looks of
public housing, we're just not interested in government
run health care.
* ARTICLE VI -- You do not have the right to
physically harm other people.
If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or
kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want
to see you fry in the electric chair.
* ARTICLE VII -- You do not have the right to the
possessions of others.
If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods
or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if
the rest of us get together and lock you away in a
place where you still won't have the right to a big
screen TV or a life of leisure.
* ARTICLE VIII -- You don't have the right to
demand that our children risk their lives in foreign
wars to soothe your aching conscience.
We hate oppressive governments and won't
lift a finger to stop you from going to fight, if you'd
like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire
world and do not want to spend so much of our time
battling each and every little tyrant with a military
uniform and a funny hat.
* ARTICLE IX -- You don't have the right to a job.
All of us sure want all of you to have one,
and will gladly help you in hard times, but we expect
you to take advantage of the opportunities of education
and vocational training laid before you to make
yourself useful.
* ARTICLE X -- You do not have the right to happiness.
Being an American means that you have the
right to pursue happiness -- which by the way, is a lot
easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of
idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused
by the Bill of Rights.
