Re: a couple of questions

Al Lewis wrote:
> 
> On Sun, 30 Nov 2003 20:24:48 +0100, Eric Johnson <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> 
> >On 30-11-2003 18:05, in article [EMAIL PROTECTED],
> >"Al Lewis" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> >
> >> On Thu, 27 Nov 2003 21:18:50 GMT, "Amanita, Private Dancer"
> >> <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> >>
> >>> Eric Johnson <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> crawled forth from the tarpits of hell
> >>> and muttered:
> >>>
> >>>> Since he died in my home territory, I will say that -many- people slam
> >>>> into trees and die each year at Nevada/California ski areas.
> >>>
> >>> have people looked into the trees that murder in cold blood, year after
> >>> year and never receive just penalty?
> >>>
> >>> Cut them down and make them into paper; rolling papers
> >>
> >> They do kill hundreds of trees each year without so much as a trial.
> >
> >Is this funny or are you serious?
> >
> 
> LMAO - that is the funniest thing I've seen on the internet in months!
> 
> Well, seriously Eric.  These trees are killed, and I do not believe
> there is any trial.

<dim houselights/raise spot>

> In many cases, there isn't even a public hearing and when there is, they
> certainly don't let the trees or the squirrels that live in them
> participate.

<cue subdued patriotic string orchestra>

> You've made me reconsider just how serious this abuse of the civil
> rights of trees really is.  As of right now I'm forming the first
> chapter of TLF, the Tree Liberation Front.
> 
> We will break into Home Depots and steal and/or destroy saws of all
> types.
> 
> We will take the wood back to the forests where the enslaved trees can
> decompose with dignity and reenrich the soil with the elements used by
> those trees so that other trees may flourish.
> 
> We will plant trees everywhere, inside buildings, in the middle of
> intersections, and even in people's back yards, and we will guard them
> at gunpoint from anyone who would so much as trim a branch from them or
> trample on their roots.

<crescendo>

> I already know I can count on the squirrels and most species of bird in
> my fight for the trees.  I've already been talking to one squirrel who
> is quite vocal about the loss of habitat and the fact that I don't put
> birdseed out nearly enough.

<sfz tympani roll>

> I now fill the bird feeders 3 times a day, and I have an audience of
> dozens of squirrels, as even more birds, who will be making a raid on
> the Home Depot down the street very soon.  What they can't destroy by
> gnawing, the birds will carry away in their claws.

<brass underlay>

> The squirrels will be trained in guerilla warfare.  There's no reason
> that a pack of 30-40 squirrels couldn't be able to stop a lumberjack,
> especially if they have the element of surprise.

<cue woodwinds>

> I even think I can get the squirrels to work with hawks.  The squirrels
> are quite realistic about how the food chain works, and my squirrel
> friend has already hinted that they deal with the criminal element in
> their species with the assistance of their natural predators.

<crescendo>

> Once we have the tree's biggest predator, humans, under control, we will
> move onto beavers.  I know those crazies in ALF will probably try to
> stop us, but hopefully they'll accept de-teething them.
> 
> We'll also target certain insects, such as the pine beetle and termites.
> The birds as well as certain other insects will be enlisted to solve
> this problem.
> 
> We will even go into housing developments and finish any houses which
> are being built using non-organic material, of course.
> 
> I urge everyone to form their own TLF cells immediately, and to not give
> up the fight even if it means extinction of a few species.
> 
> Who will speak for the trees if not you and I?  And the squirrels, of
> course.

<chorus swells from background> 

...truth is mar-ching... <fermata> ...oooooon!  

</chorus>
</brass>
</orchestra coda>
</applause>
</fade>

<overdub><announcer> [Coming Soon on DVD...]

-- 
      Catroo
    *---/\---*
The Ball00ninator
       { J}
      /  -\
      \| :|
       [EMAIL PROTECTED]
       | !|