"The Exclusiveness Ideal" (South Bay Poly November Topic)

(See separate posting for South Bay Poly November meeting info)

"The Exclusiveness Ideal"


Exclusive relationships are the ideal in American society, but I can't help
wondering if they are wise.

Exclusiveness makes two people utterly dependent upon one another, and
eliminates alternatives.  If anything happens to one of the partners, the other
is left in a difficult situation.

This appears to be exactly what some people want:  You are forced to be utterly
dependent on each other, and therefore must remain together, no matter what. 
The benevolent side of this:  "We must hang together or we shall hang
separately."  The malevolent side:  "Pull out of this and you're ruined."  This
gives an entirely new spin to the familiar sayings:  "We need each other."  "I
need you, Baby."  "I can't get along without you, Baby."  Meaning, perhaps:  I
don't love you; I don't even like or respect you; but I *need* you.  I'm
*dependent* on you.  I'll be *ruined* if I leave you.

This is not good way to relate.

But wait -- what about the good exclusive relationships?

Are there such things?  Isn't exclusiveness itself perhaps unhealthy?

By putting you in a rut and keeping you there (like an actor who is typecast
and never gets to expand to other roles); by limiting you (like the person who
has potential in several areas, but can only get hired in one); or like
monolithic political systems.

People should always be given the option of change.  People should always be
allowed to consider alternate points of view or alternate ways of doing things.
 People should be allowed to choose from a mix of choices; to "mix and match";
to blend and customize.  Exclusivity too easily leads to stagnation.

And those of you who may truly want to have only one, exclusive relationship --
I would suggest that even you may want to keep open the possibility of other
relationships.  If your "one and only" relationship is truly one-of-a-kind,
then...keeping open the possibility of an alternative should reinforce for you
just how unique your relationship actually is.
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