Re: My Wife - Seven Year Itch?

In article <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>, 
[EMAIL PROTECTED] spoke thusly...
> Hi!
> 
> My wife and I have been married for 8 years. We have had many ups and downs.
> She is very irritable and has a very short temper and next to no patience. I
> can be at times lazy, unmotivated, forgetful and scatterbrained. Our
> homelife is basically kind of routine and ho-hum right now.

Sounds like typical symptoms of clinical depression, or dysthymia. BTW, 
the attributes you describe in the 1st and 2nd paragraphs is exactly 
how my marriage goes. 

> 
> Well, I've finally learned to live with her quirks though she has a low
> tolerance for mine. We recently decided to try to have a baby which I did
> not force her into.
> 
> Well, in a nutshell, since last Sunday:
> 
> she has been staying up late doing exercise videos
> she has gone back on her diet,
> secretly going to tanning beds (didn't tell me at first)
> sleeping on the couch
> avoiding any hugs or other contact

Sorry to say, she very likely is boinking another guy on the side. 

> telling me she doesn't know if she loves me or not
> rolls her eyes and says "oh brother" when I've cried over his behavior
> (takes a lot for me to cry)
> avoids talking about "us" to the point where she just closes her ears
> she wont fully communicate her issues (that's really always been a problem)
> she spent last Friday and Saturday night out with "friends" until 11 PM and
> 3 AM respectfully (which she never has done before)
> she doesn't email me from work anymore
> only talks "business" (paying bills, doing chores, etc)
> says she never had a chance to "do what she wants" because she went from
> living at home with a curfew (got married at 22) to being married. But I've
> never held her back from "going out" if she wanted to.
> wont go to counseling
> she is basically too busy for me
> 
> Now, mind you, I'd support her through this crisis but she doesn't support
> me or even seemed moved that it has made this grown man cry almost every
> night for a week.
> 
> My questions are:
> Though I am very against divorce, is that my only option now?

Would you like to stay in a relationship where the other one treats you 
like crap and uses you for a doormat? Get out now before she causes any 
more emotional damage to you or your baby. 

> Is it too early to think the "D-Word"?
No.

> What it really going on in her head?

She has another guy on the side, she can't cope with people who are 
different from her (a serious personality problem), and she just 
doesn't want to be married anymore but is too weak to admit it to 
herself or to you.

> If she said she still loved me and needed my support, that would make a
> world of difference but she seems like she just can't stand the sight of me.
> 
> If this helps, she is in a new job where we made enough for us to get her
> dream car. She also loves this job and people call her giggles and she seems
> to like this new attention she is getting. And she really volunteers for
> Saturday's a lot now at work.

Again, she must be dating a guy at work.

> 
> We've been heavy in debt since marriage but she has never really been "in
> need." We have a nice house, she has been on some great vacations and again,
> has her dream car.
> 
> I did seek some counseling on my end and agreed to give her a week of this
> "space" she wants. After that week, I pretty much need to know if she loves
> me or not? Is that too soon?

No. Again, I know it's painful, but get out now before things get worse 
and she runs up the credit cards and ruins your credit rating, and 
other parts of your life. 


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