Re: OT: Questions on proposing marriage and buying a ring...

[EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:

> My GF and I have been going together for 6 years, and it's "understood" that
> we'll be getting married.  I've decided that I'd like to propose to her at
> X-mas time, as a surprise.
>
> Unfortunately, I'm unsure how to go about this, and need some guidance.
>
> 1)  Do I choose the ring myself, ensuring that it is a complete surprise for
> her when I propose with it at xmas?

Some folks do.  I don't like that approach myself.  I know one guy who 
had been given all kinds of hints as to the ring that his intended bride 
would like.  He ignored all of them and got something totally alien to 
her tastes.  He didn't bother to get the size right, either.  The 
relationship foundered and fell apart (not really because of the ring, 
but because even when hit with a Clue-by-four, he was still Clueless).
> 2)  Do I propose to her verbally ahead of time, and buy the ring later?

Uh, the proposal is when one of the party asks, "Will you marry me?" and 
the other answers in the affirmative.  Then you're engaged.  You don't 
*have* to have an engagement ring at all, although it is expected in 
many circles.
> There is a third option, where I can take her "ring shopping", get an idea
> of her tastes, but this removes the element of surprise - If it comes to
> this, I'd much rather take a more direct approach.

Personally, I'd go with the more direct approach.
> Also, how much is a reasonable amount to spend on a ring?   I'm thinking
> $5000-$10000(CDN), but lack perspective on just how much a ring should cost.
> My girl's not a materialist, but I'd like to give her something above
> average without going over the top.  What is the average expenditure on a
> marriage/engagement ring?

Depends on who you are.  If you're a mega-millionaire, you get a mondo 
expensive ring.  If you are in more modest circumstances, you don't.
You ask how much a ring can cost.  A simple gold band can be had for 
under US$100.  Depending on what else you've got on it, it can run up to 
tens of thousands of dollars.

FWIW -- often you get a better buy going to a _jeweler_ rather than a 
jewelry store.  At a jeweler, you can look at unmounted stones, and 
separate settings, and put together an ideal ring.  At a jewelry store, 
you're stuck with whatever stock they have.
> How is marriage proposed, particularly in a situation where it is already
> understood we will marry?    Is it done with a ring in hand, or does the ring 
> come later?

Either.  You know the lady; we don't.  I know of women who'd be 
disappointed if they didn't get the ring on the finger just after the 
"of course I'll marry you"; others would be just as annoyed if they 
couldn't have input into the decision.
> Which is the more important ring, wedding or engagement?  Proportionally,
> how much should be spent on each?

More important?  Really, neither.  You don't NEED a ring to get married 
or engaged, but at the very least, a wedding ring is most customary. 
For example, my own engagement ring is a solitaire diamond on a gold 
band with a platinum head (important for safety; platinum prongs are 
more secure than gold), and my wedding ring is a plain narrow gold band.

When the prongs on my engagment ring broke a couple of years ago, my 
husband said I could get an entirely different ring, if I so chose.  I 
looked, and looked, and checked out all kinds of things, with many 
diamonds, etc.  After all the looking, what I wanted was *my* ring, but 
fixed.  So we got a jeweler to put on a new platinum head (the thing 
which actually holds the diamond), and I'm still wearing it.  The 
original gold was supposed to be okay for 10 years, and I wore it for 
about 13; the platinum is supposed to go for a minimum of 25.

Good luck with the ring shopping.  Remember, it's just a token of your 
love.  The more important thing to work on is the relationship.

--
aMAZon
zeszutko at nycap.rr.com
"It's never too late to have a happy childhood."