Re: What should I do?? (Long)

Krystyna L wrote:

> My reasoning behind the check was not only their wedding present, but
> also to somehow make up for the 2 meals that were wasted.  They are
> not yet back from their honeymoon, so I can't call them.


        I understand what you're saying about the check, and
it's admirable that you're thinking of the economic impact
of your situation, but I would not tie the two things together
in any way.  Basically, if the situation really required you
to miss the wedding and was beyond your control, then it's
not your fault and it's even a bit of an insult to suggest
that your hosts can't handle it or that the money was what
was important to them and would somehow make up for your
absence.  You can, of course, write the check for any amount
you wish and for any reason, but I would take great care
not to associate the check/gift with the apology in any
way.
        I think at this point, you'd be best off to write
an apologetic note so that it'll be in their mailbox when
they return.  Follow up with a phone call as soon as
practical after they've returned.  Send the check/gift
under totally separate cover, and with only your best
wishes.
        Speaking as someone who had a few guests miss
our wedding at the last minute due to family emergencies,
yes it cost me money, but what really hurt was not having
them there.  I wouldn't have wanted them to feel like
they could or should make it up to me financially.
They couldn't help what happened, and their apology
was remedy enough.  (And if they'd skipped for no good
reason, no apology *or* money would have made me feel
better about it!)

Best wishes,
Ericka