Re: New Theory Wanted.

Philip Deitiker <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

> On Wed, 26 Nov 2003 19:33:12 GMT, [EMAIL PROTECTED] (John
> Wilkins) wrote:
> 
> >I want to collect funds for a Moron Accelerator. It seems to me that if
> >we can cause many Morons to collide at high speeds, Quirks will be
> >ejected, transmuting elemental Morons into a smaller number of Cluons.
> 
> ROFLMFA0. First off how would you charge the Morons and
> second those are damn big particles for an accelerator.

You charge the Morons as they enter, before they become Cluons. And I
have an idea about accelerating them.

> Better Idea. We could build a railroad up some tall
> mountain, like Everest. Then we could strap them to a
> polemans car with several tons of rocket worthy explosives
> and send them off in the direction of the sun. Then you
> could watch what happens as they begin to enter the
> coronasphere. This would save tremendous amounts of money
> since you could use the suns gravity to accelerate them.
> Alternatively with proper tradjectory you could use venus
> and mercury to accelerate them even faster toward the sun. 

No, what you do is this (much cheaper, and there are inexhaustible
number of the core elements): find a really Dense Object. In the US, you
could use Rush Limbaugh or the news director of Fox News; here in my
country we have an object of similar density named Andrew Bolt. The UK
is a particularly rich source of these objects.

In the accelerator, you mount the Dense Object (or rather, have a
technician mount it for you; some jobs are beneath the purity of
research) at the center of the chamber, and when the Morons enter the
chamber, they will immediately be attracted to that point. However, to
prevent collision and the absorption of the Moron into the posterior
pole of the Dense Object, thus forming a richer particle than before,
you surround the Object with repulsive (to the Moron) objects, such as
textbooks or other informative and relatively objective documents.

The Morons will build up velocity as they attempt to move up the pole of
the Dense Object, all the while accruing more charge (which you will
relieve them of before the next phase transition, as once they do become
Cluons it is a lot harder to do this). Finally, just before they
evaporate in a cloud of entropy, you open a door into another chamber,
which we will call the "classroom" since that is where they acquire
class. However, the door is only half the width needed for each Moron to
pass side by side another Moron, and so they will collide before they
reach that chamber, fusing, and forming Cluons.

Once in the classroom they will reach equilibrium by acting as a
knowledge sink, forming content Cluons, and voting Democrat.
-- 
John Wilkins
DARK IN HERE, ISN'T IT?
wilkins.id.au