Virus Alert Update

Subject: Re: Virus Alert:  Potomac Fevers Approach Pandemic Proportions

In article <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> [EMAIL PROTECTED] (Jason Christian) writes:

>I got this from Carlos Kruytbosch, who caught it from a friend, who caught
>it from a friend ...

>NEW VIRUSES:

>GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS:  Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
>software says everything is fine.

        Actually, that was last year's release and seems to have been
eradicated.  There is, however, a new version of the GEV which appears
to be making the rounds:  Everything works fine, but your diagnostic
software insists that there's a major system problem which will cost
$30 billion to repair.

>NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS:  Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
>mad just thinking about it.

        This seems to have been eradicated by the ETHNIC_CLEAN program
coming out of the Balkans.

>FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS:  Divides your hard drive into hundreds of
>little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which
>claim to be the most important part of the computer.

        They also use a percentage of your computer's memory which
increases each year-- infected systems eventually begin running a
deficit and use the hard drive as virtual memory.  Any attempt to
clean this virus, or trim its memory requirements, results in error
messages from each of the units explaining why this would cause the
computer to break down.

>POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:  Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
>refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

        "Microorganism" is sizeist and "electronic" is organo-centric.
The accepted term is "Binary American".

>ROSS PEROT VIRUS:  Activates every component in your system, just before
>the whole thing quits.

        If the system is reactivated, the Perot virus becomes active
again and takes over 20% of your hard disk, then sends random
interrupts to the CPU.


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