Re: Need some advice on love, guys...

In article <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>, 
[EMAIL PROTECTED] says...
> When I tuned to 50kHz, I received thehawk:
> > Ashikaga says...
> <snip>
> >> My brother and I have similar background and foundation, but we are very 
> >> different people.  The difference lies between how we resolve the problems.  
> >> Sometimes when I encounter problems, I tend to bottle things up and let it 
> >> grow into a much bigger problem that no one seem to understand why it is a 
> >> problem to begin with....  I don't know if I make any sense.
> > 
> > It makes perfect sense.  It is a way that many people deal with 
> > problems.  It is not good or bad, it just is.  I choose not to deal with 
> > my problems that way, but that is me.
> 
> Sometimes it's about misunderstanding, not that I wanted to make it that
> way in the first place.

Any time more than one person is involved in a communication (no matter 
the form it takes) then there is the potential for a communication 
error, a misunderstanding.  It probably happens more than we think it 
does, and I do not believe that it is done on purpose most of the time.  
Most of them are smoothed out as the communication continues, and they 
must be taken care of thru other, sometimes less pretty means.  Usually 
that involves disagreements and arguments that escalate, but many times, 
when the people are important, things all work out.
 
> >> Anyways, I want some space between us, and I don't know how to tell you
> > 
> > Wait, you mean you are breaking up with me?  Oh, sorry, wrong 
> > conversation.  
> 
> See... (*throws hands up*), I knew it would sound wrong.  We are not that
> close to warrant a formal break up of a friendship.
> 
> >> without make it sound all wrong, so here I just tell you directly.  We can 
> >> still talk to each other, but I don't enjoy getting too close with people 
> > 
> > To be honest with you, I do not and have not ever considered you and I 
> > to be that close, not by a long shot.  We talk about the issues at hand, 
> > whatever they may be, but our interaction rarely approaches something 
> > considered personal.
> 
> Good (so how close do you think I think it is?).  I just mean sometimes
> it's hard to know what people consider their friendship level is.  Well,
> you don't use my friendship scale, so you don't know it's like a
> bureaucracy with many levels, so don't feel bad.

So kind of like the Chinese Celestial Bureaucracy?  I have always 
thought that a cool way to run a pantheon.  Have never really thought 
about friends being arranged that way, but it makes sense to me.  

My own "friendship organization" is similar, but laid out like a fantasy 
occidental castle.  There is the surrounding area, where most of the 
people in the world live.  The people that I know and get along with 
gather in designated areas outside the main gates.

Then there are the outer walls that protect a courtyard type area, where 
people that I know and get along with well are allowed to go.  Then 
there is the inner wall that protects a smaller courtyard type area 
where a relatively few number of people that I REALLY like are allowed.

Beyond that is the Keep, to which very few are allowed in, and rare is 
the occasion that someone is allowed beyond the Main Hall.

> >> in very short period of time (in general).  All people I consider to be 
> >> close usually have been my friends for years, that's how long it takes for 
> >> me to lose my guard.
> > 
> > Do not worry about that.  I do not think that you have let much of 
> > anything of a personal nature slip out, except that you are a 
> > conservative kind of a guy.
> 
> I have no idea what that suppose to mean.  See..., you speak in codes, and
> I don't think you did the right thing by speaking what's on your mind, that
> may or may not be true even when I was able to decipher it; you should at
> least have done some observation and reservation, IMHO (okay, I may be

I think you are overanalyzing my words.  The only reason I said you are 
a conservative kind of guy is that you have labeled yourself that (a few 
posts ago).  To me, the word is often misused, and I do not have much 
use for such labels.  As you indicate below (I know, you say it below, 
but to me it fits into my conversation here), there are several kinds of 
conservative.  To me there are better ways to describe it (tho they are, 
in truth, much lengthier).  However, my point, is that I generally try 
to avoid applying too broad a label to someone.

> guilty of the same).  You may offend people with words not carefully
> selected, you know.  BTW, that end sentence of the paragraph is prickly,
> and I am not sure if people have told you that you have a tendency to do
> that when you are angry.  You should do a google research to know what kind

The only problem being that I was not angry when I said, or irritated, 
or even slightly peeved.  I am pretty laid back about most things, and 
it takes a lot of something pretty outrageous to fuel the fires of my 
anger.

Sometimes the words I use do indeed sound rather prickly as you say, but 
that is not always how I intend them.  In this environment it is 
especially difficult to convey these things because there is no body 
language to read, no facial expressions, and it is difficult to properly 
convey intonation, inflections, and stresses in the words used.

I write very close to the way that I speak (well, usually without the 
misspellings and typographical errors), so all of the problems with 
grammar, sentence structure, and choice of words are the same as they 
would be as if you were talking to me in person.  Additionally, I tend 
to speak literally, tho I am guilty of using phrases which are fine when 
taken literally, but can also be taken another way.  Usually the 
"another way" is laced with innuendo, and because of how people's minds 
work, they take the second way first, even knowing that I usually speak 
(and think, for that matter) in literals.

> of conservative I am (I've done quite a few conversation about it).
> 
> Anyways, people I talked very frequent with such as Poly, Claus and Sammie,
> I've known them since I've been here.  I didn't talked to them that much
> during earlier stage, either.  Sammie reminds me of an old friend.
> Sometimes that kind of attribute makes me feel closer to certain people.
> AFAIK, I don't see any special connnection between you and me.  I didn't
> talk to Poly much until I learned he was from San Jose....  And hate to
> tell you this, but you've given me many negative impressions (you have no

That is OK.  I am who I am, and it is likely I am stubborn enough to  
never change.  Or at least very much.  My personality is rather intense, 
and I am pretty much "in your face" as far as my views, my thoughts and 
my feelings on things.  I do not generally dislike confrontations, and 
while many people tend to be defensive in them, I tend to be offensive.  
Admittedly, it takes some getting used to.  I am used to people needing 
to get used to my personality.  The good part about it tho (or at least 
I think so) is that you always know where I stand, and where you stand 
with me.

> clue about, or just what only I consider to be bad attributes, and hold you
> accountable for it...), I may or may not have told you for some good
> reasons (like you reminds me of bad stuff from my past).

Maybe the Universe thought you were not done with these bad things from 
the past, so it figured out a way to put the two of us into the same 
space so that you can finish dealing with it?  *Shrugs* The Universe 
works in odd ways sometimes..

> Maybe you didn't know, I was scared of Piis for a similar reason, but we
> are now fine, see..., things can work out smoothly after a while.  I need
> time to learn about people, and I learned Ibn is a good person.  He is also
> very different.  We never seem to share similar political view (so I avoid

Do not feel bad.  He and I clashed somewhat when I first started posting 
many long times ago, and I do not harbor any animosity toward him at 
this time (tho to be honest, I do not know if he feels the same way).  
Sometimes people do not get along.  Sometimes they do not get along only 
because they have not taken the time to understand one another better.  
*Shrugs* That is just the way of people.

> such conversation with him).  A buffer time between talks allow me to think
> through the nature of the relationship.  I guess I am a little wary of the
> unknown.  So give me some time and space.

No worries, Ashikaga, no worries.  The unknown seems to be the single 
biggest thing that humans in general do not deal so well with.  Take all 
the time you want|need.
 
> (*wonders why he even brought up the root of this conversation*)
> 
> >> I am not very optimistic about the interview I had today.  I may have 
> >> talked too much and didn't allow the interviewers to express their 
> >> feelings.  I guess I'll be looking for another job.
> > 
> > At least you are getting the interviews, that is a good first step.  You 
> > are doing better than a lot of job searchers out there.  If you can keep 
> > up that part of things, then pretty soon you will have a job you can 
> > enjoy.
> 
> Thank.  :-)  I hope you do the same.

*Smile*  And thank you Ashikaga.  With any luck...

-thehawk
Fallen Angel Dragon, UDIC