So you wanna be a Satanist?:)

Something I wrote up. a sense of humor, at least about religion, is required.

Len



Dark worshipper reciprocity form 777FWJM. 

The purpose of this form is to help accelerate our evaluation process and in 
turn facilitate your placement within our organization. Please fill out the 
form completely and with total honesty. We will be summoning several wise and 
powerful spirits to check on the veracity of these forms. If you are found to 
be a liar, you will be eaten by a pit-beast which has taken the form of your 
worst nightmare. Thank you for your co-operation and understanding.


What evil organization do you currently belong to? ______________

What is the name of your current rank within this organization? _________

With 1 being the highest-ranking position in your organization, 2 being the 
second-highest, etc., what is the number that relates to your current posting? 
______
(NOTE: Do not include your Dark Lord or his/her/its nonhuman minions in this 
ranking system. Start with the highest-ranking human.)

Do you have any secondary postings that would normally be filled by another 
person? _____

What is their ranking number, as explained above? _____

Does your position (primary and/or secondary) require you to kill babies? If 
so, check here. [_]

If you placed a check in the previous item, how many babies have you killed in 
the past year? _____ 
(Answer 0 if you've been in your baby-killing position for less than one 
year.)

How many people have you personally introduced into the wonders of bizarre 
sex? __

How many were under the age of majority at the time of introduction? __

How many were virgins before your introduction? __

Have you belonged to an evil organization before this most recent one? Y[ ] N[ 
]
If yes, please provide organization name, highest attained rank, rank number 
as explained above, and date. 

__________________________________ ________________ ______ ____________
__________________________________ ________________ ______ ____________
__________________________________ ________________ ______ ____________
__________________________________ ________________ ______ ____________
__________________________________ ________________ ______ ____________
__________________________________ ________________ ______ ____________
__________________________________ ________________ ______ ____________


References. Please provide name, organization, current role in organization 
and method of contact; i.e. phone number for humans, summoning ritual required 
for a Dark Lord's inhuman minions, etc. If reference (human or not) has an 
e-mail address, please provide.
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________


Some of our positions require blood sacrifices, from both our clerics and our 
victims. In order to minimize risk of displeasing our Dark Lord and 
contaminating various unholy artifacts with improperly tainted blood, we need 
the following information.
Blood type (please check two): A[ ]  B[ ]  AB[ ]  O[]  Other[ ]    +[ ]  -[ ]  
Other[ ]
If 'Other', please specify: _______ 
Special medical considerations: ________________________
Do you have any diseases transferrable through exposure to blood? Y[ ]  N[ ]
If no, when were you last tested for such diseases? (MM/DD/YYYY) __/__/____
If yes, was whatever you did to get such diseases fun? Y[ ]  N[ ]


What's your current standing with Cthulhu?
Don't know him [ ]  Know of him [ ]  He knows me [ ] 
I've heard the call [ ]  I'm on his speed dial [ ] 


For what reason did you leave/do you wish to leave your previous posting? 
Discovered by do-gooders [ ]  Wish to expand horizons [ ]
Fellow member 'saved', fear for my safety [ ]
Moving, no local chapter in new town [ ]  
Dark Lord subsumed by other Dark Lord, unwilling to convert [ ]
Seeking Dark Lord more in tune with personal beliefs [ ]  Angst [ ]
Told to change by Tarot deck or other trusted magical implement [ ]
Old Dungeon Master on Gamma World kick, I prefer D&D [ ]
Chapter closed due to loss of members. [ ] (Please check one item below.)
.. members lost to schism [ ]
.. members lost to other evil organizations [ ]
.. members lost to Christian organizations [ ]
.. members lost to evil Christian organizations [ ]
.. members lost to mass sacrifice and/or suicide pact [ ]
.. members lost to 'suicide pact' that was actually bad potato salad [ ]


What other evil pastimes are you currently involved in?
Roleplaying [ ]  Crop circles [ ]  Fortune-telling [ ]
'Making people gay' [ ]  Subsidizing goths [ ]
Losing God [ ]  Bible mistranslation [ ]  Psychic surgery [ ]  
Exorcisms that go 'horribly wrong' [ ]  Tract writing [ ] 
Desecration [ ]  Prank-calling Jerry Falwell [ ]
Antichrist searching [ ] Promoting general apathy [ ]
Telling hot chicks that Wiccanism mostly involves getting naked [ ] 
Leaving Ouija boards at disaster sites for news media to find [ ]
Heavy metal band member [ ] Christian band member [ ]
Adding voiceovers to pornos and selling them as sex ed. videos [ ]
Making pornos for later voiceovering [ ]
Bodyguard for prominent atheist [ ]
Violent video games: Playing [ ]  Making [ ]
Adult book store owner: Near school [ ]  Near church [ ]

What other evil charities/groups do you support with your time and/or money?
New 'Habitat for Humanity' spinoff, 'Abodes for Abortionists' [ ]
Pot for Tots [ ]  Bothered About Pat Pulling [ ]  Hot and Bothered [ ] 
Mile-High Club [ ]  Teletubbies Anti-Defamation League [ ] 
Psychic Friends [ ]  Roman Catholic Church [ ]  Wiccan Coven Local #638 [ ]
Pro-environmental charities covertly run by Druids [ ] 
Pro-homosexual groups [ ]  ACLU [ ]  NOW [ ]  Shriners [ ]
MTV [ ]  Feed Lars/RIAA [ ]  Pet Shop Boys [ ]

--
Pointless sig file.
http://archonrealm.tripod.com | http://archonrealm.cjb.net/
Replace "Doom!" with "Hotmail" to send e-mail.
End pointless sig file.