Re: OLTL completely OT - What did YOU do on Hallowen?

"Susan Barnett" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote in message
> This doesn't have anything to do with Halloween,
> but I was talking with my 13-year-old niece, Allie, on Saturday. She's
been
> playing the cello for 3 years now and is quite good and practices
> diligently. Last year, she was always first chair for the cello section in
> the school orchestra, but she told me that now the music teacher is
> switching the kids around so that everyone has a chance to be first chair.
> There hadn't been any
> difference in their performance ability -- the teacher is just falling in
> line with the stupid party line that everything has to build self-esteem.
I
> think this is absolutely wrong.

I agree.  I understand that the purpose of methodical equalization is to
build self-esteem, but in my opinion it does more harm than good in the long
run, since it is a FALSE sense of self that they will be getting.  Children
need to learn that everyone has limitations, and if one person is okay on
cello but not necessarily great, s/he needs to understand this and be
allowed to accept it, and then be allowed to find other areas in which to
excel.  To keep telling someone that they are great and deserving when in
fact they are not is a disservice, and it closes the door to other, REAL
paths to greatness.  (Why even bother to develop a talent in singing or art
or writing if everyone keeps telling you that the cello is your great
talent?)  I prefer to encourage my children in everything they do and praise
them to the extent that they deserve praise, but not go overboard and lie
for the sake of making them feel good about themselves.  They have plenty to
be happy about in themselves; they don't need false security.

I don't like the doling out of love, privileges, scoldings, and praise
equally among children.  My parents were always in the habit of equalizing
their children, and it created a HUGE sense of competition among us.  I'd
bring a drawing to them, and they'd say, "You are  great artist!  Robin and
Judy are great artists too!" and it would totally nullify any praise that I
had gotten.  With my own kids, I don't hesitate at treating them differently
as the situation calls for it.  There have been MANY times when I will
comment on how cute ONE of them is, or that ONE of them has to be punished
for naughtiness, or how ONE of them get a special favor because he was
extra-sweet.  And my kids don't have an OUNCE of rivalry between them.  The
older boy has never shown any jealousy toward the younger; neither has shown
any resentment toward the other.  So while I know parents and elders are
"supposed" to make sure every child feels equal in every way, I don't buy
into that at all.

I am SO politically un-correct!
--S.