Review: Underworld (2003)

 UNDERWORLD (2003) 1 star out of 4. Starring Kate Beckinsale, Scott
Speedman, Michael Sheen, Shane Brolly, Erwin Leder and Bill Nighy. Story
by Kevin Grevioux, Len Wiseman and Danny McBride. Screenplay by Danny
McBride. Directed by Len Wiseman. Rated R. Runnng time: 121 minutes.


 At one point a vampire elder refers to the proposed union of vampires
and werewolves as an abomination.

 Nearly the same can be said for Underworld, a mindless, violent and
senseless union of Blade, The Matrix with a dash of Romeo and Juliet.

 Underworld strives mightily to be stylish and moody, with its constant
rain, nighttime settings and via its costumes and art direction, but no
matter how hard it tries it just cannot conjure the right atmosphere.

 Perhaps it's the idea of clans of Vampires and werewolves, here called
Lycans, dressed in what resembles Neo and Trinity discards from The
Matrix or warring on each other with automatic weapons that shoot silver
bullets or driving around in cars and vans. Or perhaps, it's their use
of technology -- computers, surveillance cameras -- that strikes a
discordant note.

 Heck, they could be the Jets and the Sharks or even the Colts and the
Bengals.

 No crucifixes, no bats, no wooden stakes, no sense of the occult,
mystery or suspense.
Underworld plays like someone is turning the pages of a comic book. It
lacks the panache, the terror that's supposed to grip you when watching
a good horror film.

 Underworld is many things: brutal, bloody, action-packed, but what it
isn't outweighs its few attributes.

 Another failing is the acting: There isn't any. Characters -- Vampire
and Lycan alike -- pose, strut and try to look menacing, but they're as
scary as a congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses.

 Kate Beckinsale stars as Selene, a hunter Vampire, who tries to
discover the mystery of a human, Michael (Scott Speedman), and why the
Lycans have taken such an interest in him.

 It doesn't take too long to unravel the mystery, which has to do with
ending the centuries-old war between the two clans, bloodlines, lies,
betrayals and love.

 Beckinsale pouts and shoots her way through the entire affair without
cracking a smile, mussing her hair, changing her clothes.

 Speedman merely acts confused, while the various other creatures of the
night try to act either regal or beastlike, depending on whom they
serve.

 Underworld could be classified as a guilty pleasure quickie, a movie
that should have gone directly to the home entertainment bin.

 And you know the scariest thing about the whole enterprise? The ending
leaves an opening for a sequel.

 Bob Bloom is the film critic at the Journal and Courier in Lafayette,
IN. He can be reached by e-mail at [EMAIL PROTECTED] or at
[EMAIL PROTECTED] Other reviews by Bloom can be found at
www.jconline.com by clicking on movies.
 Bloom's reviews also appear on the Web at the Rottentomatoes Web site,
www.rottentomatoes.com and at the Internet Movie Database:
http://www.imdb.com/M/reviews_by?Bob+Bloom

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