Review: Underworld (2003)

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I'll admit it - I got sucked in by the cool look of Underworld's trailer and
was pretty excited to see it.  Unfortunately, the cool look is about all the
film has going for it.  If I had known about Underworld's pedigree - which
involves a prop assistant-turned-director, a stuntman-turned-writer and
several stars who put the "ack" in acting - I may have been better prepared
for the letdown I received when I finally saw the finished product.
Underworld is a lot like Queen of the Damned: An empty box with very
appealing wrapping paper.

At least the similarly themed Damned (they're both about vampires) contained
the appropriate sex drive necessary to fuel a proper bloodsucker flick.
Sequel-ready Underworld couldn't even get that right, though I'm sure the
sight of Kate Beckinsale wearing tight black leather and vinyl getups will
invigorate a fair portion of the audience.  She sports the slinkiest outfit
since Pfeiffer's Catwoman, but she still can't hold an ass-kicking candle to
Carrie-Anne Moss from The Matrix.

You might actually think you're watching The Matrix (or Blade, or The Crow)
if you see Underworld, a tale about a centuries-old battle between vampires
and lychans.  Beckinsale (Laurel Canyon) plays Selene, one of the top
vampires and the narrator of the film, who explains that her clan fought the
werewolves to near extinction many moons ago.  But the remaining dogmen have
a couple of tricks up their cumulative sleeve, which they hope will spoil
the big upcoming vamp "awakening ceremony."  One weapon is daylight bullets,
but the other is far more dangerous.  It seems a doctor named Michael Corvin
(Scott Speedman, Dark Blue) has something special in his blood that makes
the already regenerative werewolves even more unstoppable.

That means a whole lot of bad news for the vampires, but not nearly as bad
as the double-crossing, blood-mixing and cross-breeding that we slowly learn
about.  The dark, rainy, gothic look and high-tech weaponry isn't enough to
offset its repetitiveness, hammy acting and unnecessarily morose pace.  But
it is kind of fun to watch Speedman stumble around looking like Will Tippin
from Alias finding himself in the middle of another wacky CIA/SD-6 tussle.

Fun note: Beckinsale left the father of her child, Michael Sheen (he plays
the lychan numero uno), to marry Underworld's director, Len Wiseman.

2:01 - R for strong violence/gore and some language

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X-Language: en
X-RT-ReviewID: 1199089
X-RT-TitleID: 1125642
X-RT-SourceID: 595
X-RT-AuthorID: 1146
X-RT-RatingText: 4/10