Re: Combat Zone. by Will Dockery

"Rob Evans" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote in message
news:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> In message <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>, Will
> Dockery <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> writes
> >[EMAIL PROTECTED] (Will Dockery) wrote in message
> >news:<[EMAIL PROTECTED]>...
> >> Combat Zone
> >>
> >> Driving through the combat zone
> >> a rasta steps out,
> >> sort of calling my name ---
> >> a reasonable approximation.
> >> Variation of my street name I guess.
> >> Said he could take me to see Raine,
> >> apparently the rastas have her locked up in a house
> >> somewhere in the combat zone.
> >> He wanted money for his information,
> >> at which point I was to park and walk.
> >> It seemed very sinister, but he smoothed it over fairly often.
> >> I said I'd come back later,
> >> when the bad vibes wore down.
> >> Rasta gets crazy on me in the car,
> >> wanting five dollars, two bucks, anything.
> >> I give him nothing, just smoke and think.
> >> He's got an ice pick in his hand,
> >> then he makes like he's got a gun.
> >> I'd already heard Raine was in jail
> >> but I didn't expect a rasta jail.
> >> The image crossed my mind how it would feel
> >> if he jabbed that icepick into me
> >> a couple of times or more.
> >> Just curious to see if he'd do it or not,
> >> could I stop him, I could tell he didn't know.
> >> As we stare and talk about money.
> >> I bummed a cigarette from him.
> >> I told him I'd be in touch about seeing Raine.
> >> He said, "Man, you crazy.", and walked off.
> >> I went back home to think.
> >>
> >> -Will Dockery 1997 (c)2003
> >
> >Does anyone have any comments on how I can *fix* this one, or should I
> >just assume my instincts are right, and this one is a perfect poem?
> >Yeah!
>
> Will, it doesn't matter if it's perfect or indifferent (I tend towards
> the second opinion but that's just me) - what matters is that you've
> posted it so many times (well beyond any level that even its supporters
> would say is merited) that you're never going to get a reasoned opinion
> - it's just another bomb crater round here.
>
> Rob
>
> -- 
> Rob Evans

And, apparently, any commentary has pretty much run its course by now, also.
Will

http://www.amber-kaye.com/forum/viewthread.php?action=attachment&tid=434&pid=643