[REVIEWS] Marc's Remarks: August 2003 X-Books

MARC'S REMARKS
Saturday, September 6, 2003

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Agent X #13
Exiles #30
New X-Men #144
Uncanny X-Men #429
Weapon X #11
Wolverine #4
X-Statix #12
X-Treme X-Men #29-30

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Grading System

15-14 of 15: "Highly recommended."
     An excellent book.  You will love it and it will love you back.  Promise.
13-12 of 15: "Recommended."
     A very good comic that keeps you turning the pages.
11-10 of 15: "Mildly recommended."
     A solid, enjoyable comic that may be worth taking a look at.
09-07 of 15: "Neutral."
     An average book; mostly competent, but nothing to write home about.
06-04 of 15: "Not recommended."
     Below average, with serious flaws.
03-01 of 15: "Rubbish."
     Ditto.  Avoid like the plague.
   00 of 15: "Don't step in it."
     This one's so awful that it's actually entertaining again.

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AGENT X #13
"Deadpool Walkin', Part One: Our Lives in Fracture"
By Gail Simone (writer), Alvin Lee and Udon (art and colors) and Cory Petit (letters)

Who is Agent X...?  Deadpool?  Black Swan?  Sandi's old boyfriend?  Or something
in-between?  At the end of this final three-part arc of AGENT X, we will probably know
more.

After five fill-in issues and a skip month, this issue's cover proudly announces that 
"We
Are Back!," referring not only to the cast of Alex Hayden ("Agent X"), Taskmaster and
Sandi, but also to the unhoped-for but much appreciated return of the original creative
team.

As the title says, this final three-part arc of AGENT X is about the return of 
Deadpool,
who seemingly kicked the bucket in the final issue of his own series.  In this issue,
though, that's relegated to the subplot position at first, and doesn't come full circle
until the final pages.  But it's all the more intriguing for that, still leaving enough
room to guess where things could be going.

Until then, Alex and Taskmaster are hired as bodyguards for the crimelord Higashi and
Sandi, who, much to Alex's ire, seems to be Higashi's company for the evening.
Subsequently, the two men from Agency X have to deal with nasty, Pokemon-bunny-based
assassin babes on colorful motorcycles, in a chaotic fight that ranges from amusing to
hilarious.  ("Your blood is ours, cheerful OKAY! *tee hee*!")

In a move that's not altogether usual these days, the story doesn't shy away from
acknowledging events from the fill-in issues, such as Alex and Sandi's "night 
together,"
which is used very effectively, as a basis for some interesting tensions between Alex,
Sandi and Higashi: Are they together?  Did they break up?  Is Sandi with Higashi now?

In short, the book is back in as good a shape as one could have hoped for, with the 
writer
once more demonstrating that she's not only the Queen of Funny, but also spins a tight
plot with engaging characterization.  The result is a thoroughly enjoyable romp, from 
the
recap page right through to the big cliffhanger ending.

Even if you haven't followed the series so far, this issue is definitely worth a try.

This comic has a "Ha ha, you dumb sharks!" value of (13/15).

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EXILES #29
"Unnatural Instincts, Conclusion"
By Chuck Austen (writer), Clayton Henry (pencils), Mark Morales (inks), Transparency
Digital (colors) and Dave Sharpe (letters)

I didn't expect this train wreck of a storyline to be salvaged by its third and 
concluding
chapter, and it isn't.  In addition to the fundamental shortcomings it inherited from
parts one and two (like the fact that that Evil Havok possesses the body of Good Havok,
but isn't affected by its wounds, or the mutant werewolves), the trend of stupid ideas 
and
amateurish writing doesn't stop here.

That Evil Havok and the Dominant Species (...what a fabulous name for a band!) are
defeated is hardly surprising, but the way the characters -- and the story -- go about 
it
is astonishingly asinine.

Last issue, we remember, Nocturne tried to possess Havok, but it didn't work because it
was already "too crowded" in his body.  This time around, for some reason the story
doesn't feel like sharing, that's not much of a problem anymore, apparently: Once more,
Nocturne has the Juggernaut throw her at Havok, which now miraculously results in Evil
Havok being forced back into the "black void" he came from, where he is eliminated by 
the
Timebroker.

While that's already enough of a glaring plot hole to derail the issue, it's not the 
only
major problem with the resolution: If the Timebroker can eliminate Evil Havok while 
he's
in the "void" and without a body, why didn't he do so earlier?  The answer is, 
according
to the book, that Evil Havok is now "more solid" than he was "the last time."  Now, it
escapes me why a body-less essence would be solid, or why it would be more solid now 
and
less solid then, but it certainly looks like a convenient occurrence, if you have no 
idea
how to write yourself out of one silly mess of a story.

And let's be charitable and not mention that, like last issue, the artist still isn't 
sure
whether Havok is supposed to be wounded or not, as the tear in his costume keeps 
vanishing
and reappearing from panel to panel.

As for the Dominant Species (I don't want to call them that, but it's their name),
Juggernaut finally joins the reader in the realization that they're actually just "a
couple overgrown dogs with attitude."  In their previous five or six appearances, they
effortlessly kicked the X-Men's collective butts with their astonishing... uh... speech
patterns?, but that was then, and it's a bit inconvenient now.  So, since the story 
needs
to come to an end, Juggernaut and Wolverine proceed to beat them up, in a battle 
that's so
spectacular and exciting that it takes place off-panel, leaving the fate of the 
Dominant
Species unknown.  Who wants closure, anyway.

There's actually a brief flicker of interest in this issue when the story makes a big 
deal
of Nightcrawler, Annie and Carter's arrival at the hospital, but that quickly turns 
out to
be just another embarrassing, poorly scripted dead end of a plot thread.

All told, this is arc has been positively terrible.  The premises upon which it's based
and resolved are poorly thought-out and illogical, the story is bogged down with 
several
extraordinarily stupid ideas, and the execution of the whole mess is utterly 
amateurish.

And don't even get me started about the sword.

Rubbish (02/15).

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NEW X-MEN #144
"Assault on Weapon Plus, Part 3 of 4: The Flesh"
By Grant Morrison (writer), Chris Bachalo (pencils), Tim Townsend, Al Vey and Aaron 
Sowd
(inks), Chris Chuckry (colors) and Rus Wooton (letters)

Oh, well.  Continuing last issue's "mercenaries on a stress-relieving exercise" theme, 
as
Wolverine put it, this is another straightforward action issue, devoid of the 
avalanche of
ideas and subplots you'd expect from Morrison.

As such, it's pretty much okay.  Having entered The World, the "breeding ground" for
Weapon Plus's creations, Cyclops, Wolverine (alias Weapon X) and Fantomex (alias Weapon
XIII) are now directly facing the latest, most advanced of the super soldiers, Weapon 
XV.

There is some solid characterization of Cyclops in there, we learn (a little bit) more
about Fantomex's past, and the concept of The World, along with the related
pseudo-science, is expanded on.  We don't really learn anything new, however, which is,
once more, a little disappointing.

Another sore spot are the multiple inkers.  None of them does a bad job, per se, but 
the
transition from Tim Townsend's thick, smooth lines to (I presume) Al Vey's sharper, 
more
detailed interpretation of the pencils is not as seamless as it should be.  It's not a 
big
complaint, but you notice that everything doesn't come out of one quill.

At this stage, the book feels like a great, well-oiled machine that just happens to be
idling away.  There are a few nice character moments, as well as some solid action 
scenes,
but in order to make this arc worthwile, Morrison will have to put in one hell of a 
gear
for next month's conclusion.

Mildly recommended (10/15).

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UNCANNY X-MEN #429
"The Draco, Part 1 of 6: Sins of the Father"
By Chuck Austen (writer), Philip Tan (artwork), Avalon Studios (colors) and Rus Wooton
(letters)

Providing a welcome contrast with Austen's ludicrously bad material in EXILES and 
CAPTAIN
AMERICA, his stories in this book continue to fall into the "Basically okay, but..."
column.

Plot-wise, this is mainly a set-up issue, with not much substance on its own terms.  In
what's going to be the main focus of the arc, the story picks up the plot thread
concerning the mass grave of winged and horn-headed mutants which Havok and Polaris 
found
several issues back.  If you recall, that grave was on an island called La Isla des
Demonas, the same place Nightcrawler's father Azazel was said to have come from last
issue.  This month these events catch up with the X-Men's present, as Nightcrawler -- 
under some kind of mind control -- takes a Blackbird jet and leaves for the island.

In the subplot section, Iceman is experiencing a secondary mutation which turns his 
entire
body to ice.  This isn't anything new, granted -- it's been brought up time and again 
in
the last fifteen years or so (most recently in X-MEN FOREVER).  In fairness, it never
really went anywhere in the past, though, so why not try again.

Finally, Xavier and his stepbrother, the Juggernaut, sort out their past differences,
which brings us to the story's problematic part: the characterization doesn't work at 
all.
At the beginning of the conversation scene between the two brothers, a lack of tension 
is
made up for by a Xavier who is mean and confrontational for no particular reason.  That
sort of thing happened before in Austen's run, and it remains a very annoying trait.

Earlier, when Wolverine sees Nightcrawler leaving with the jet, he gets his panties in 
a
bunch, throws his beer away and storms into Xavier's office, shouting in letters the 
size
of the Himalaya: "ANYONE HERE SEND *KURT* ON A MISSION?!"  Xavier's reply: "On a WHAT?"

Sorry: This is not dramatic, it's overblown and artificial shit.  Is this the first 
time
an X-Man takes a Blackbird, or the first time Nightcrawler goes on a mission, or what?
Give me a friggin' break.

It's not an awful issue.  The various storylines it's setting up are potentially
interesting.  But Austen's tendency to have the characters posture, rant like maniacs 
and
be cruel to each other for no discernable reason other than that he failed to build up
some proper tension is annoying as hell.

Neutral (07/15).

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WEAPON X #11
"The Underground, Part V"
By Frank Tieri (writer), Georges Jeanty (pencils), Dexter Vines and Scott Elmer (inks),
Tom Chu's Color Dojo (colors) and Dave Sharpe (letters)

Last issue, things seemed to be looking up for the book, with Agent Jackson and other
Weapon X members defecting to Cable's Underground.  This month, Big Surprise 
Cliffhanger A
is that the Underground have entered the Weapon X compound.  Gee, didn't see that one
coming.

It's a long and stony road to that cliffhanger, however.  While the shallow, irrational
loony Director regrets having beaten the shallow Aurora to a bloody pulp and sends the
shallow Mesmero to Neverland because he apparently lost his mutant power (there goes 
the
one interesting character arc the book had to offer), the shallow Agent Jackson and his
shallow cronies are back, continuing to spin their shallow intrigues.

Towards the end, one shallow character dies, but I don't care in the least, because 
it's
all so shallowly shallow.

The most fascinating thing about the issue is that, after Washout has brought the 
water in
the Director's face to the boiling point, once again horribly disfiguring him, the 
latter
looks perfectly normal again from one panel to the next.

Maybe something interesting will happen next month, but, hey, it's WEAPON X.  I won't 
hold
my breath.

Not recommended (05/15).

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WOLVERINE #4
"Brotherhood, Part IV"
By Greg Rucka (writer), Darick Robertson (pencils), Tom Palmer (inks), Studio F 
(colors)
and Chris Eliopoulos (letters)

It's Part 4 of 5, and Logan is still a grumpy, squat and hairy geezer, monosyllabically
looking for the whereabouts of The Brothers, the murderers of young Lucy Braddock.  The
plot -- what there is of it -- is now firmly in standard crime story territory, and I'm
sure the snail's pacing has found its critics by now.

The portrayal of the lead character, however, is more than a saving grace.  Courtesy of
Rucka, Robertson and Palmer, Wolverine's body language and facial expressions always
convey just enough of a hint of the savage beast that is lurking just below the calm
surface.  It's a pleasure to watch Logan's hyper-keen senses react to a puddle of fluid
from a chemical mace, or to see him play one of the bad guys with a carefully selected
assortment of his adamantium claws.  And when the berserker is finally allowed to break
loose, as it briefly does this issue, the otherwise minimalistic approach renders the
scene all the more powerful and disturbing.

The story isn't spectacular, granted, and the intensity of the first two issues isn't
entirely recaptured.  But on balance, Wolverine still receives some of the best
characterization he's had in years here.

I'm looking forward to the conclusion.

Recommended (12/15).

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X-STATIX #12
"If You Think I'm Sexy"
By Peter Milligan (writer), Mike Allred (pencils), Phillip Bons (inks), Laura Allred
(colors) and Blambot's Piekos (letters)

Now I really feel used.  First, they create another big controversy by announcing a
storyline that will bring back the late Princess Diana as a member of the X-Statix.  
Then
they decide not to go through with it, after all, replacing Diana (if indeed she ever 
was
supposed to be in the book in the first place -- it's so hard to tell, these days) 
with a
"generic princess."  And now they run a story about the rights of the dead, starring 
the
media's latest pet role model Dead Girl versus a necrophiliac mortician.

In the spirit of the initial notion of a "hostile takeover" of the old X-FORCE book, 
which
apparently still generates an amount of amusing hate mail by disgruntled fans, Milligan
and company are once again integrating their hapless audience into their stories.  
Unlike
in virtually any other comic book, the outraged public the protagonists have to deal 
with
in X-STATIX is not your average faceless crowd with questionable motives invented by 
the
author, but a strikingly accurate reflection of debates generated among the material's
real world audience.

Luckily, the issue isn't just brilliant as a concept, it's a very entertaining read in 
its
own right as well, with one of the most idiosyncratic happy endings in memory.

If nothing else, the story makes me immensely curious about what to expect from the
pseudo-Diana arc beginning next month.

Highly recommended (14/15).

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X-TREME X-MEN #29
"God Loves, Man Kills II, Part 5: Deliverance!"
By Chris Claremont (writer), Igor Kordey (pencils), Scott Hanna (inks), Liquid! 
(colors),
Tom Orzechowski (letter)

In this penultimate chapter of Chris Claremont's movie tie-in arc, Wolverine dutifully
fulfills his appearance quota by lying around in a forest and being dead.  Which is a
rather shameless way of getting rid of him, particularly since nobody in their right 
mind
is going to buy his demise anyway.

If you get over this blatant little case of the plot calling the kettle back, it's 
quite a
decent issue, though, not least because the team's newest member Cannonball actually 
gets
something to do, this time around: With Logan out of the picture, it's Sam's turn to 
fight
Lady Deathstrike for several pages, in a sequence the creators succeeded to make 
worthwile
and credible.

The activities of Storm and Sage, who are mind-controlled members of the Mt. Haven
population now, aren't quite as interesting, but there is some nice development of
Bishop's skills as a detective.  And in the secret tunnels below the town, Shadowcat 
has
to deal with Reverends Stryker and Paul, who, in a neat twist, turn out to be two 
sides of
the same coin, after all.

With regard to Igor Kordey's art, there isn't much to say I didn't already say in 
previous
months: It's very good, but I feel it lacks the distinctiveness of his earlier works, 
such
as SOLDIER X or BLACK WIDOW: PALE LITTLE SPIDER.

"God Loves, Man Kills II" may not be the reinvention of the wheel, but it's shaping up 
to
be one of the book's better storylines.

Recommended (12/15).

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X-TREME X-MEN #30
"God Loves, Man Kills II, Conclusion: Pale Rider"
By Chris Claremont (writer), Igor Kordey (pencils), Scott Hanna (inks), Liquid! 
(colors),
Tom Orzechowski (letter)

In the tradition of recent EXILES and UNCANNY X-MEN arcs, Wolverine excels in 
contributing
nothing whatsoever to the resolution of "God Loves, Man Kills II."  Okay, by virtue of 
not
being dead, he doesn't go about it entirely as bluntly as last issue, but you catch my
drift;  the movie is over, and it's time to limit Wolverine appearances to those books
where they're actually required again.

Like last month, most of the screen time is devoted to Cannonball and Kitty Pryde here,
who save the day pretty much singlehandedly.  The characterization of the two long-time
characters is solid and engaging at any point, and the "revisionist" mentality that 
was so
popular with Claremont when he initially returned to the X-Men is pleasantly absent: 
Even
if you're a long-term reader, the impression is that he gets the characters "right."

And, while Wolverine doesn't contribute to the resolution of the plot, he's cleverly 
used
as a means to expand on the characterization of other cast members in those few scenes 
he
does get: Logan is impressed by Cannonball, trusts Bishop to hunt down Lady 
Deathstrike,
and has a beer with Storm and Kitty, reminding the inclined reader of their unique
friendship.

Finally, the origin of "Reverend Paul," as well as the resolution of the storyline, 
make
sense; Stryker's speech is convincing, and leads to an unexpected and satisfying
conclusion, leaving the reader to wonder whether he really reformed, or whether it was 
all
part of his master plan.  (After all, he DID specifically kidnap Kitty Pryde and bring 
her
to Mt. Haven, so who knows.)

Add some small but significant tidbits like Bishop's immunity to nannites, and you end 
up
with a very well-done issue -- one of the best Claremont has delivered in the last four
years, as a matter of fact.

Recommended (13/15).

-- 
Marc-Oliver Frisch
[EMAIL PROTECTED]

I am the President of the United States of America, please help me across the street.

--
[Please note: This is a Usenet message, originally posted to the rec.arts.comics.* 
groups.
If you see it in a moderated or censored forum, it was copied there without my 
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