[LNH] Flame Wars VI repost #3

In this post

Flame Wars VI #3
Cybernet: Never Say Goodbye 1 of 3
Flame Wars VI #4
Cybernet: Never Say Goodbye 2 of 3
Flame Wars VI #5
Cybernet: Never Say Goodbye 3 of 3
Flame Wars VI #6

Martin


Somewhere in the mulitverse, more than likely Canada but nobody is
really sure, Pointless Awards Man II sat at his house.   He was
chomping down on pretzels and drinking heavily.   He was getting
generally fat, so that he'd have an excuse to go the gym with all the
celebrities in the days before next awards show.

  "Next on Springer: Father's who hate their daughters for not making
lesbian porn sites," came an announcer.
  "Ah... I love good television," said Pointless Awards Man II.

  As he pasted out, he noticed another form on couch.

  "Judgment!" it yelled.
  "What?"

  The creature grabbed Pointless Awards Man II, and twisted his neck
off. There was a knock on the door.   The creature teleported away.
Aside from that annoyance, this world was to be left alone.   He knew
the planners on this world had a backup plan.  It was called Billy
Crystal.


  The man outside got tired of waiting.  He had heard something
happening inside and, as the door was unlocked, he decided to go in
and see what was up.

  "Jamie?  Jamie?" he asked.  It was Deja Dude.  He was visiting
his own native Canada and decided to check in on Pointless Awards Man
and see how he was doing.  He was shocked to see the body sprawled
over the floor.
  "Jamie!  Are you OK?"  It was then that Deja Dude noticed that
his head had been removed.  "Ewww!"  He looked down at the credits and
then realized what had happened.  "Jesse!  Why?  Why?"
  "Filler," came a voice from nowhere.



    Flame Wars VI #3
    By Martin Phipps and Jesse N. Willey



  Ultimate Ninja slowly lifted his head up from where it had been
laying on his desk.  On his desk in front of him was a copy of Sun
Tzu's The Art of War, still open to the page he had apparently been
reading when he must have fallen asleep.  Strangely enough, he didn't
remember having even sat down to read the book in the first place.  He
hoped that nobody had seen him doze off and reassured himself with the
certainty that nobody would dare enter his office without permission.
Still, he didn't know how long he'd been unconscious.  Had it been a
few minutes or a few hours?  He decided to get up and take a walk
around LNH HQ.

  The legionaires would feel more confident in their duties if they
saw
their leader walking around as opposed to holed up in his office!  He
made his way out of his office and into the Central Control Centre.
There he saw Irony Man and Dr. Stomper peering at recent reports of
net.ahuman activity around the world.

  "What's up?" he asked.
  "Not much," Irony Man replied and then immediately reconsidered his
response.  "Is there something in particular you want to know about,
US?"
  "US?"
  "Excuse me!  Ultimate Soldier, Sir!"  Irony Man then saluted his
leader.  Doctor Stomper also got up and saluted him.
  "Ha  ha, very funny," Ultimate Ninja said.  "Let me know if anything
comes up that deserves my immediate attention.  That's all."

  Irony Man and Doctor Stomper sat back down and went back to work.
Ultimate Ninja next made his way out of the Central Control Centre and
into the lobby.  He expected to find Fred at his desk but, instead, he
saw a guard in full military dress uniform.  The man turned and
saluted the LNH leader.  Sitting on the sofa in the middle of the
lobby were Sarcastic Lad and Pocket Man.  They too got up and saluted
their leader.  Ultimate Ninja saluted them back.  It was then that he
noticed that his ninja costume was no longer black but was, instead,
blue with white stripes.  He decided to head to the bathroom to look
at himself in the mirror.

  "Our leader's going to take a piss," Sarcastic Lad whispered to his
friend, thinking that the Ultimate Ninja couldn't hear him.
Apparently some things don't change.


  Ultimate Ninja stood in front of the bathroom mirror.  His whole
costume was different!  He could no longer deny that something strange
was going on.  He decided to go talk to Irony Man after all. After
returning to the Central Command Centre, Ultimate Ninja assumed a more
commanding tone appropriate to the respect he was being given, as a
general rule, in this new reality.

  "Alright!  I want an update on the current situation.  Now!"
  "Yes, Sir!" Irony Man said.  "Where do you want me to begin?"
  "What are our most immediate threats?"
  Irony Man thought for a moment.  "Let's see, that would be Def.com
Omega."
  "Please summarize what we know about Def.com Omega."
  "They're a terrorist organisation operating in the Loonited States,"
Irony Man told him.  "They're believed to be linked to the Omegan
government."
  "The Omegan government?"
  "Led by Lagneto," Irony Man said, "but you know all this."
  "I just don't want you to leave out any details."
  "Alright," he continued, "Omega is an island in the Ind.IO.n Ocean,
it's population consisting almost entirely of people with psionic
powers.  The government there is accused of supporting worldwide
terrorism.  Our government has petitioned the Useneted Net.ions to
impose sanctions, send in weapons inspectors and perhaps even
authorize a pre-emptive strike but the Omegan ambassador has
consistently accused the Loonited States of bigotry, claiming that
when Omegans living in other countries are persecuted they feel they
have no other choice but to strike back."
  "Of course.  What do we know about the group Def.com Omega?"
  "We know they have a dozen members with code names like Rich Girl,
Voodoo Girl, Kid Covenant, Cyborg, Rapidflame, The Evil Eye, The One,
Stormmaster, Decibel Deleon, Assault, Stinger, Mood Archer (1), but we
know precious little of anything else."
  "Oh yes we do!" wReamHack said with a big smile on his face.  He'd
just arrived in the Central Control Centre from his station over in
the monitoring room.  "I've just determined the location of their
secret base!"
  "Excellent work!" Irony Man said.  "Alright then!  We can prepare an
assault!  As soon as you're ready to give the order, of course."

  Ultimate Ninja nodded firmly.  He didn't want them to realize that
his memories were different from theirs.  Perhaps they would think he
was crazy and relieve him of command.  Perhaps that's what they should
do.  But no!  He was the Ultimate Ninja!  The LNH needed him as their
leader!  They'd simply fall into disarray without him!  And yet he
found himself doubting whether or not they were still the good guys
and not some paramilitary organisation formed to crush dissent.

  "We shall transmat there as soon as everybody is ready!" Ultimate
Ninja decided, not betraying a single doubt.
  "Wonderful!" Irony Man said, sounding strangely bloodthirsty.

  Ultimate Ninja was reminded there and then of the evil version of
Irony Man that the LNH once encountered in a Mirror Looniverse and he
wondered if he wasn't making a big mistake by playing along.  Then
again, if his suspicions were correct, what choice would he have in
the matter?

  About thirty minutes later, a team of legionaires featuring Ultimate
Ninja, Irony Man, Master Blaster, Occultism Kid, aLLiterative Lass,
Ordinary Girl, Captain Napalm, Nomex Man, Kid Kirby, Particle Man,
Bizarre Boy and Continuity Champ Junior assembled in the transmat
room.

  "Have you entered the co-ordinates into the transmatter?" Ultimate
Ninja asked wReamHack.
  "Done!"
  "Alright then," Ultimate Ninja decided.  "Let's go!"

  Following his orders, the legionaires entered the transmat tubes and
waited for wReamHack to activate the machine.  The legionaires
disappeared from the transmat tubes and reappeared inside Def.com
Omega headquaters.

  "There they are!" Irony Man informed his leader.  "Def.com Omega!"

  Ultimate Ninja was startled to see that these were not, as he knew
them, net.villains at all but rather net.heroes whom all had had loose
affiliations with the LNH in the past: there were Glitch Girl and Sim
Sorceress from the alt.ter.net.ives, Swordmaster, Carbonated Armored
Weapon, War Babe, Decibel Dude and Vigilantee Guy from the Long Island
Renegades, Agent and the Net.Elementalist from the Alt.Riders, Kid
Mysticism from the Net.Titans and Very Disturbed Scary Creature Man
and Mood Arrow from the Saviors of the Net.(2)  They were all wearing
slightly different costumes, to be sure, but otherwise they appeared
to be just as he had remembered them from before.

  "Everybody!  Hold your fire!" Ultimate Ninja ordered.
  "Why?" Irony Man asked.  "We have them right where we want them!"
  "Are you questioning my order?" Ultimate Ninja asked.

  Irony Man didn't answer.  Just then, a woman appeared between the
LNHers and Omegans.

  "Who are you?" Ultimate Ninja asked.
  "I am Excess," she said.  "Mine is the power to exist simultaneously
in different realities!  But my powers have waned as the realities
have been collapsing!"
  "What's this got to do with us?" Irony Man asked.
  "The collapsing of realities is a side effect of the
Anti-Moderator's
elimination of realities that he considers unworthy of RACC!  I need
you to help me defeat the Antimoderator so that order may be restored
once more."
  "I'm sorry," Irony Man said, "but we're a bit busy fighting villains
of our own."
  "They are not net.villains," Excess told him.  "They are net.heroes
like yourselves!
  "They are?" Irony Man asked.
  "Yes," Ultimate Ninja said.  "Ironic, isn't it?"

  Excess continued.  "In some realities you may even have fought with
them, side by side.  It is I who have carefully manipulated
circumstances so that the most powerful net.heroes of the Looniverse,
LNHers and non-LNHers alike could be found at the same place at the
same time and yet without the Anti-Moderator suspecting that these
forces were being rallied against him."
  "But if he is as powerful as you say then might the Anti-Moderator
now be onto you?" the Eye of Justice asked pointedly.
  "Yes," Excess admitted.  "That is why we need to act quickly!
Decide
now, heroes!  For the fate of the entire m.alt.iverse is at stake!"

                             TO BE CONTINUED!


(1) I apologize if these amalgamated names are lame; I originally
wasn't
going to use amalgamated names but I've been convinced that this is
the way
to go: Rich Girl = Overgirl + Glitch Girl, Voodoo Girl = Tarot + Sim
Sorceress, Kid Covenant = Dr. Covenant + Kid Mysticism, Cyborg =
Threll + CAW, Rapidflame = Rapidfire + Net.Elementalist, The Evil Eye
= Eye of Justice + Very Disturbed Scary Creature Man, The One = Loner
+ Agent, Stormmaster = Tempest + Swordmaster, Decibel Deleon = Jimmy
DeLeon + Decibel Dude, Assault = Battery + War Babe, Stinger =
Stingray + Vigilantee Guy, Mood Archer = Archer + Mood Arrow.

(2) I realise that DD and VG joined the LNH, not the
LiR but maybe in another reality they did the latter and that's what
UN now remembers --Martin



Cybernet: Never Say Goodbye 1 of 3
A Flame Wars VI tie-in
        By Jesse N. Willey

Sandra in: What Dreams May Come

When I was a kid, I had the recurring dream.   I'd be on the beach on
an island somewhere.   I'd be digging for sand crabs.   I eventually
found one, but it grew to gigantic size.  It ate the whole island.

I don't know why I thought of this dream.   I'm supposed to be
looking for TJ.   And what's that strange orb.


"Protomatter dimensional vibration pattern confirmed.   Genetic
makeup:  Match," the orb said.
"Oh great... now what?" I growled.
"Engaging Tractor beam," said the orb nonchalantly.
"Gack!  Where are you taking me?" I yelled.
"All will be revealed shortly," the orb replied.


The little probe dragged me for almost an hour.   That's when I saw
it.  A tropical island floating in the middle of nowhere.   I saw two
vague dots.  One was black, and the other was red.  A huge black
creature that vaguely resembled a huge black sand crab burst out of
the ground.  Then I heard.

"Yo, Jase, do you think you can do what'd they'd do on Star Trek?
You know, spin around the sun at top speed and jump into a safer
world?" Tj said.
"Sorry, I don't think so," Jason said.

I flew down at top speed.   Jason turned.  I think he smiled.

"Well, well, well, the gangs all here," he said.
"That might not be such a good thing," Tj said.


I could see it in his eyes.    This whole Derek thing.    He was mad
at me.   I can understand why.   We were close for awhile.
Especially those first few months of college.    Those were some
blissful months.   Then, I dunno, Tj just seemed to loose it.

In the old days, when something bothered him, Tj would just bury it.
>From the countless times that aliens or super villains messed with
his mind, down to his own accidental betryal of his best friends.   He
just found a way to laugh through it and pretend he didn't care.
When really it was slowly eating away him.

The creature jumped forward and swallowed us.   My dream had always
ended here.  The creature's guts were very interesting.  It was some
sort of 1950's diner.    There were poets in the corner drinking to
coffee and listening to the jukebox.   It seemed to be all jibberish.

"This can't be happening," Jason said.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because I keep having this dream..."
"Oh, god! Was it about?"
"Well..."

The poets stopped speaking for a second.  Then one of them starting
to play his bongo drum really loudly.   He began to recite his poem to
a poorly constructed beat.

"Souls of early matter, changed to water, so the ravens loom looking
for blood.   They feast off the hope of the today that could have
been.    Homes have no souls, daddyio, and your souls have no home,"
the beatnik spotted.

The cafe shifted into some sort of wasted city.    We were clearly
still in the cafe, only it was missing its ceiling and the clouds
smelled of toxic smoke.

"So, if I fly over to the river will I see the Statue of Liberty in
the water?" Tj asked with the quirky laugh of his.
"Shut up," Jason snapped.


A motorcycle gang drove toward us.  Their sidecars were filled with
large laser cannons.   They were primed and ready.   Jason's blaster
was much faster.   One of them was gone.  I went for my blade, and
found it was there.    Tj fired blasts, but they didn't seem as
powerful as they had in the old days.   That could have something to
do with those changes Greptile warned me about.

"It's obvious what is going on here," Jason replied.
"We're getting our asses kicked?" Tj replied.
"No.   It's our dreams.   Somehow, we're being attacked by our
dreams," I said.

I shot Jason a look.  We both knew what it meant.  We'd already been
through my dream and his.    While we were easily mopping the floor
with the Mad Max rejects, we knew the truth.   Some dreams are based
on repressed pains, fears, and desires.   Nobody held back as much as
Tj.

Speaking of Tj, his body was crackling with energy.   I was too late.
His protomatter had already begun to decay.   His body was already
breaking down and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"Tj, you've got to switch back to normal.   You're going to die," I
said.
"No... if I change back, I'll be flung back to some reality or another.
  I'm not going leave you... leave you to..." he said.

His body let out a loud krack-koom.   The biker baddies were
vaporized.    That wasn't as good a prospect as I might have hoped.
For what took their place were thousands and thousands of version of
Jason, Tj, and myself.   They kept shooting at us.

"Oh god, don't tell me we have to fight all of these," Jason replied.
"Get the imposters, Pardners," said a Jason dressed as some sort of
protomatter enhanced old western sherrif.
"Yea, verily.   Has the world gone mad?" said a viking TJ.

I knew the one way out of there was to make the dream disappear,  I
had to get TJ to change back.   If I only knew how to do it.  Tj was
always so damn stubborn.

"When I first met Derek, I just grinned bore it.   Thinking things
would just find a way to work out," he said.  "Then I realized that
you really love him."
"Tj... please, don't..."
"You don't understand how that made me feel.   Look around you," he
said.
"What?" I said.

Then I turned around.   All the other us-es, these were all the
worlds that Tj had visited while looking for Jason.   In everyone one
of them, we were still together.   I could see how this was eating up
Tj inside.   Of course, I could also see Jason getting shot to hell.

"Tj, I'm sorry I have to do this..."

I turned on my shields up to maximum.   Tj crackled again, and I
reflected the energy right back at him.    The world exploded.     It
was almost as if I could each molecule of his body as it exploded.
When things cleared, we were back in my apartment.     Tj was gone.


Chapter Two: Tj- In a World Gone Mad

I never gave spirituality much thought before tonight.    The
questions like what happens to us when we die, do we have souls, and
is the big one... is there a god, never really mattered to me.   Why the
sudden change?  Well... it all started when I woke up in a hospital.

"Tj?  Are you all right?" I heard Sandra cry.
"Huh?   What?" I said as I came to.  "Sandra?  You... you shot me!  You
fucking shot me!"
"What are you talking about?  We were fighting that huge undead
creature.   It beat you till you got a brain hemorrhage despite your
armor.  Then things got weird... we saw all those other us-es... and that
weird energy burst took care of that zombie thing," she said.
"What in the name of Timothy Leary are you talking about?  We were in
that crazy place with lots of us-es alright... but you blew me up to
seal it all up," I said.  "Stop trying to comfort me with Fairy Tales
of how you wish it could be.   Just go home to Derek and be done with
it."
"Who?"
"Your new boy toy.  Hello, McFly, anybody home?"

That's when I figured out what happened.  Somehow I lept into this
Tj's body.  His brain was already gone.   I was being blown apart.
How... I don't know.      Perhaps it was some sort of transmigration of
the soul.   Or maybe thought is my nothing more than an
electrochemical process.   This Tj's brain could be structurally and
chemically similar enough to mine that my energy was able to
restructure it so I could survive.    I've seen weirder.

"Tj, what's going on?" she asked.


The a shadowy man walked into the room.  I remember the shape.   Was
it possible?   Was she lying to me?

"Yes, Sandra, what is going on?" Derek said.

To Be Continued...

All characters created by Jesse N. Willey.   This document copyright
Jesse N. Willey


Vel started chatting with Sing Along Lass.  She laughed heartily.
Stomper gave them a hard glare. Sometimes, he hated his emotionless
persona.   He knew
she didn't feel the same way.  Plus Vel was younger, closer to her age
and more personable.

"...Plarg fet tui rog t'llono," Vel and Carina sang.
They laughed a little harder.
"Carina," Vel said. "Thanks."
"For what?"
"That song.  I- I don't know many people who can sing in dorfian,"
Vel said.
"Well, Linguist Lass helped me learn it," she said.
"It--it reminds me of home,"Vel said.
"So why learn Dorf??
"Thought it might help next time we ran into the
Dorfs," she said with a laugh.  "No offense."
"Will you two cut it out?" Stomper asked.



Flame Wars VI #4
Some Much Needed Exposition
By Martin Phipps and Jesse N. Willey


Richgirl sighed deeply.  "Okay... maybe I'm the only one here who is
completely confused.  If so, could someone explain to me just what is
going on?"
Just then, on cue, Kid Recap appeared next to Excess.

"If you don't mind...?" he asked.
   "Go ahead."
"Alright."  He took a deep breath.  "Right.  This all started when
the Anti-Moderator started eliminating from RACC imprints which he
considered 'unfit'.  To eliminate these imprints once and for all he
had to destroy the worlds on which the stories were set.  Thus did the
Anti-Moderator create his army of Headhunters and send them to the
different worlds that he had slated for elimination.
"Unfortunately, his actions caused a breakdown in the walls that
separate different realities.  Different realities started to merge
together: the mainstream LNH started to merge with the X-rated version
of the LNH and the Society of Net.Heroes Looniverse started to merge
with both the Oddball LNH Looniverse and one of the alt.Looniverses in
which the LNH was evil, specifically the one introduced in the now
defunct Particle Man series.
"It didn't stop there: all realities on RACC were collapsing into a
single Looniverse.  The Anti-Moderator was going to have all stories
posted on RACC become LNH stories.  This cannot be allowed, of course:
different story universes have to maintain their unique
characteristics specific to their respective genres.  That is why the
Anti-Moderator must be stopped.
"Excess, meanwhile, is a mage in search of redemption.   On such a
quest she came into possession of the eyes of time.  Knowing the eyes
to be extremely dangerous, she had Duplicator from The Team destroy
them.  She some gained the powers of the eyes themselves.  She saw the
different realities collapsing into one and she decided to manipulate
the way in which the realities would come together so as to form an
amalgamated Looniverse since, as we all know, characters in
amalgamated realities are more powerful than those in their respective
realities, having taken on the powers and abilities of each of the
different characters in question.  You then are the result, the
Amalgamated Net.heroes, so to speak.  You will be the ones whom Excess
will send to defeat the Anti-Moderator!"
  Kid Recap smiled.  "That's it."
  Excess nodded.  "Thank you."

With Kid Recap's job done, he disappeared once more.

"But wait!  Just who is the Anti-Moderator?" Ultimate Ninja asked.
"Where did he come from?"
"Right," Excess said.  "It all started when rec.arts.comics.creative
became a moderated newsgroup. Russ Allerby, in his infinite wisdom,
chose to purge himself of the sort of evil that would cause one to
judge certain imprints unfit for RACC.  Doing so, however, did not
eliminate the evil altogether.  The evil took a life of its own on
RACC itself!  As the number of imprints on RACC increased, the evil
grew in power until becoming what we now call the Anti-Moderator!"
"But if the different realities merge into one wouldn't he, himself,
be weakened?" Irony Man asked.
"Perhaps," Excess admitted, "but he remains powerful still.  In any
case, we cannot wait much longer!  If all is not returned to normal by
the end of Flame Wars VI #6 then I'm afraid the changes may be
permanent! This cannot be allowed!  We must stop the Anti-Moderator
while we still can!"
"It's too late!" The Evil Eye announced.
"Look!  The Headhunters are here!"
   "The Anti-Moderator must be on to us and has launched a pre-emptive
strike!" Excess reasoned.  "Fight, net.heroes, if not for the
multiverse then for yourselves!  For the Anti-Moderator would rather
see you all dead than have you stop him!"

The net.heroes, legionaires and non-legionaires alike, realized it
was a kill or be killed situation. Rapidflame was able to take out
hordes of headhunters using a combination of lag, flame and wind.
Master Blaster, Captain Napalm, Doom Monger and the Invisible
Incendiary added to the body count with their own flames.  Kid
Convenent, with the assistance of both Occultism Kid and Voodoo Girl,
cast spells of protection for their fellow net.heroes from the
headhunters who survived said assault.  Then Cyborg, Assault, Stinger,
Kid Kirby and Irony Man, fired a combination of bullets and repulsor
beams at them.  The remaining headunters fell to Stormmaster's sword,
Mood Archer's arrows or to one of the katana blades belonging to
Ultimate Ninja, Ordinary Lady or aLLiterative Lass.*  In short, the
headhunters didn't stand a chance against the net.heroes of
Looniearth.

The Anti-Moderator was, in short, impressed with the formidable
powers of these net.heroes.  Excess had, indeed, managed to assemble
the most powerful group of net.heroes imaginable.  They might indeed
be powerful enough to defeat him... so, of course, he wasn't going to
let that happen.

It was within the power of the Anti-Moderator to prevent the posting
of the past two issues of Flame Wars VI to rec.arts.comics.creative.
Stories which don't appear on RACC are stories that nobody will ever
get to read... and stories that nobody gets to read are stories that
never really happened as the Writers will simply pick up from where
the story left off in the last posted issue.  Thus was the
Anti-Moderator able to effortlessly retconed events back to the end of
Flame Wars VI #2!

"Surrender, Ultimate Emperor!" the Ultimate Soldier
said.
"Who dares?" the Ultimate Emperor asked.
"We do!" Penultimate Ninja told him.
"And who are you?"
"We are you!" the Ultimate Soldier said as he took
off his mask to reveal what the Ultimate Emperor saw
to be his own face.
"We both are!" Penultimate Ninja said, doing
likewise.
"What the heck is going on?" the Ultimate Emperor
asked.  "Has the world gone mad?"

"Indeed it has," Excess told him as she suddenly
appeared amongst them, "and the one last chance I have
of setting things right rests on the three of you
being willing to work together!"

                                TO BE CONTINUED!


Glitch Girl and Sim Sorceress belong to Marie Antoon
Swordmaster, Carbonated Armored Weapon and War Babe belong to Matt
Rossi
Decibel Dude and Vigilantee Guy belong to Pete Milan
Agent and the Net.Elementalist belong to Jamas Enright
Kid Mysticism belongs to Ben Rawluk
Very Disturbed Scary Creature Man and Mood Arrow belong to Arthur
Spitz
Def.com Omega is based on Defcon Omega by Matt Rossi and Pete Milan
Sing Along Lass created by Drizzt
Doctor Stomper is public domain.
Excess and Vel created by Jesse N. Willey


CyberNet: Never Say Goodbye Part 2 of 3
A Flame Wars VI Tie-In
By Jesse N. Willey


SPLoTcH! and Greptile: 1000 Channels and Still Nothing on or:  Reality
TV

My name is Thompson.   Lucas Thompson.   That lizardy guy is my
sidekick, Greptile.    We work the beat out of Cybernet.   The cases
you are about to see are real.  (Well, mostly.)   The names are kept
the same to implicate the guilty.

Earlier today, my life was so much different.   There was no doom and
gloom end of the multiverse apocalypse crap looming over our heads.
I remember it like it was this morning.   D'oh!

We were back at headquarters.   We were monitoring any unusual
interdimensional signals.   Pretty mundane stuff really, until we
spotted a signature that emanated at the same frequencies as Cable TV
signals.    We decided to investigate.   That's when we spotted the
rift.

"You going in?" I asked.
"Do I look crazy?" Greptile replied.
"Fine.  I've still got a hyperglider.   You're better with this
science stuff anyway," I said as leapt into the spiraling vortex.

At first it was a blur of various stuff.

"Bullshit, John, not every cop in Baltimore is out to screw you over..."
"No, sir, I don't like it!"
"Just push the button!"
"Gets rid of unwanted fat in days."
"If you keep doing that, we'll have another Oswald on our hands."

   Then I was out by a boat house.   I looked up at the clouds.   It
was sunny, with a few small clouds in the distance.  I turned on a
nearby radio.

"It looks like a big storm is heading our way..."
"You hear that Lil'Buddy.  We'll delay our tour till tomorrow," said a
fat guy.

And that was pretty much that.



TJ in: When I'm dead, and when I'm gone... there will be one me born in
the world to carry on.

Through out my brief days on planet earth, I have tried to do one
thing.   Do lots of good things like save the planet with my super
powers and hope that in the eyes of the world that my good deeds out
weigh whatever bad I might have done.   I was always thought when you
died, you were dead.


Then I blew up.  I died.   Yet here I am.  It royally sucks.   My life
wasn't peaches and cream to begin with, but I digress.   What happened
to the undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveler returns?   I
guess it doesn't apply to me.    I just came back in a situation
somewhat similar to where I was last time.

  "Tj, what's going on?" she asked.
  "Yes, Sandra, what is going on?" Derek said.
  "What do you mean what is going on?  Who the hell are you?" she
asked.
  "We'd better get to Cybernet Headquarters.   Grep will know what to
do," I said.
  "Cybernet?   Those supers?   You know those lunatics?" Derek
replied.
  "Long story.   You tell anybody about this, you're a dead man," I
said.
  "Are you threatening me Harding?" Derek replied.
  "It's only a threat if you're not really going to do it," Tj
replied.


   Sandra and I turned activated the transceivers.   We vanished into
a flash of light.   I spotted Greptile watching TV.

   "Alright buddy, if our theory is correct, will loose contact for
about two minutes right about..... now," said SPLoTch!'s voice from
nowhere.
   "Hey guys, what's up?" Greptile said.
   "We have some weird problems with conflicting memories," Sandra
replied.  "I say TJ died getting crushed to death... he says I blew him
up."
   "Must be part of this whole dimensional thing.  SPLoTcH! is
investigating one of those weird dimensional ribbons as we speak.   He
found his way into various old TV shows on Cable.    He's had a pretty
exciting day.   Made sure some castaways didn't get stuck on an
island, took Dean Cain's glasses away, outraced with guy with a chimp
for a mechanic," Greptile replied.
   "Any word on if the effects of that are permanent," Sandra asked.
"I downloaded an episode guide for all the shows he visited from
various fan sites.  If tomorrows episode changes, we'll know,"
Greptile replied.
   "No, I meant our memory thing," Sandra replied.
   "Won't know until I run some tests," Greptile replied.

    That's when two more bright lights appeared.  It was.... Jason and
Sandra?

    "So, Jason, how did you make that probe?"
    "One of the other mes.... One from a space realm showed me how," he
said.
    "Umm... well... at least we can take a guess at why there is a
conflict of memory," Greptile replied.

     He began tapping sections of his control panel.   Lights began
blinking and out came various sensor readings.    Greptile raised one
of his rubbery eyelids.   He looked back at us.

"So?  What is it?" I asked.
"This is bad.   It appears that TJ was both almost crushed to death
AND blown up," Greptile said.
"Huh?  What are you talking about?" said Sandra 1.
"Tj's brainwaves match those of our reality... while his body matches
that of chili world.  With the dimensional barriers already weak, this
could lead to a D.E.L.E.," Greptile replied.
    "Hmmm... Deli," said SPLoTcH! as he jumped out of the TV.
"D.E.L.E., not Deli.    It stands for dimensional extinction level
event," Greptile said.
"Looks like someone has been watching bad Elijah Wood movies,"
SPLoTcH! replied.
"I wasn't the one who visited the film just to pinching Mrs. Leony's
butt," Greptile replied.  "Anyway, that's not important.  What is
important is that if we don't fix it, one... or both realities will be
annihilated."
        "How do we stop it?" I asked.
        "Worst case scenario... we kill you again," Greptile replied.
        "What?"
        "Worst case scenario.   I've got one other card up my sleeve...
but it is not going to be pretty.    It'll will get rid of any
protomatter based  powers, and anything good that happened to us in
the past weeks," Greptile replied.
        "What do you mean?"
        "My plan is to use the matter/protomatter conversion process
to slow  the weaving of  the two realities.   Since the histories are
virtual identical up until a few weeks ago, it's possible we could
create some sort of reality compromise... assuming all of us our within
normal space time while it's going on,"  Greptile explained.
        "Wait a minute, does this mean I'll have to cancel my date
with..." SPLoTcH! asked.  "right.... She's destined to end up with that
thin beatnik in the green shirt anyway."

        They all stared at him.

        "Okay, I see," he grumbled.   "Alright, let's do this.   But
first..."

       SPLoTcH! ran up to one of the Sandra's and French kissed her.
She kicked him the groin.   Lucky for him, he had already used his
shapeshifting abilities to move his vulnerable spots.

       "What the hell was that for?"
       "Hey, if Grep's right about this, it never happened, right?"

        She grabbed her sword.

       "You ever touch me again, and I'll chop you to pieces," she
yelled.
       "Ummm... Grep, how long does this process take?"
       "AFTER I transfer the protomatter... about eight hours," Greptile
said.
       "Anyway you can speed that up?"
"Alright, but remember people... whatever happens, we brought this on
ourselves," Greptile replied.

    To Be Concluded....

Cybernet characters used by Jesse N. Willey.   Document by Jesse N.
Willey



>>Lord Kirby!  What is the meaning of this?  Why are you heading back
to Looniearth?<<
"Mission complete, my liege!  We encountered minimal resistance!  The
world is ours!"
   >>Why are you only sending an audio message?<< "Our communications are 
being affected by solar flares."
   >>Very well.  Have a safe trip home.<<
"Do you think he bought it?" Penultimate Ninja of the Oddball LNH
asked Kid Kirby of the Society of Net.Heroes.
"The worst case secenario," Kid Kirby argued, "is that the Ultimate
Emperor is completely on to us and that he'll order his ground troops
to open fire on his own armada."
"That's... that's not reassuring," Penultimate Ninja told him.
"Look at it this way," the Ultimate Soldier told him, "so far
everything has gone according to plan: as soon as wReamHock and
wReamHack were able to isolate Lord Kirby's location, Kid Kirby was
able to send himself here using a BOOM tube.  Lord Kirby was caught by
surprise and easily subdued."
"Well, I wouldn't say 'easily'," Kid Kirby corrected.
"In any case, it didn't take very long and Lord Kirby didn't even
have a chance to alert his Kirby.troopers.  Thus, Lord Kirby's
Kirby.troopers didn't suspect a thing when you, Irony Man, Doctor
Stomper, Kid Shakespere and myself transmatted aboard and they were
ordered to turn around and head home."
"Apparently the Kirby.troopers are programmed to obey their leaders
without question," Doctor Stomper observed.  "It's lucky for us we
were able to take advantage of that."
Irony Man nodded firmly.  "That was a pretty good recap, guys!"

        Flame Wars VI #5
The Ultimates
By Martin Phipps and Jesse N. Willey

For the people of Net.ropolis, things seemed normal.  They were
accustomed to there being a lot of net.heroes running, flying and
teleporting around town so there being a few more than usual didn't
strike them as odd.  Nor did they take any notice when Net.ropolis
Academy changed its name to "The Academy of Superheroes".

For the members of the LNH, however, things had changed drastically.
First their world had merged with that of the XXX version of the LNH.
Then their worlds merged with those of the Society of Net.Heroes and
the Oddball LNH.  After some comparing of notes, the LNH and their
carnal counterparts discovered that the other two versions of the LNH
had not only similarly been merged for some time, but that they had
already declared war on their evil counterparts whose world now
existed on the other side of the sun.

It was with all this in mind that Sister State-the-Obvious went to see
Doctor Stomper.  "Doctor?"
"Yes?"
"I need to talk to you about something."
"What is it?"
"It's about one of my alt.versions."
"Which one?"
"The, um, slutty one."
"Oh.  What about her?"
"We're not getting along very well."
"And why is that?"
   Sister State-the-Obvious sighed deeply.  "I'm not comfortable with
the way she dresses.  And I don't like the way she walks around saying
'I'm horny!', 'I want sex!' and stuff like that."
"I see."  Doctor Stomper searched for the right words.  "You have to
understand that the each of your alt.versions come from different
Looniverses which reflects different genres, namely action, parody
and... um..."
"I know, I know," Sister State-the-Obvious said, nodding her head.
"It's just... it's just that I actually think Rob likes her better
than he likes me, as if that's the way he'd like me to behave!"
"Well, you might try talking to your husband about that," Doctor
Stomper suggested.  "In any case, doesn't she have an alt.version of
Master Blaster herself to keep her, um, occupied?"
"You mean Master Porker?" Sister State-the-Obvious asked.  "I suppose
so, although I don't think they're actually married.  I don't know how
to describe their relationship, to tell you the truth.  She sighed
once more.  Actually, there's one more thing."
"What is it?"
"Suppose people look at her and think that's the way I really am, or
at least how I could be if I let my inhibitions go?"
"Maybe that's exactly what she represents," Doctor Stomper suggested.
  "Doctor!"
"Alright, alright, I see what you mean," he said, apologetically.  He
thought for a moment.  "Do you remember when we first encountered the
Evil LNH?"
   "Yes."
"Do you remember how you felt when you saw Irony Man's evil
counterpart torturing Bad Timing Boy's counterpart in the transmat
room?"
"Yes," she said once more.
"Did that change in any way how you felt about Irony Man?"
"No," Sister State-the-Obvious admitted, "but then I've always
thought Irony Man was a bit creepy.  Remember last year when people
started turning in trolls?  Irony Man kept saying 'They behave like
trolls and then turn into trolls.  How ironic!'" she said, doing her
best imitation of Irony Man.
"OK, so that was a bad example," Doctor Stomper decided, "but it
still doesn't mean anybody thinks any different about you with her
here."
"No, I suppose not," Sister State-the-Obvious said, sounding
reassured.  "Thanks, Doctor, you've been a lot of help!"
"I wish I could take the advice I dish out," Stomper replied.
"Ah, you're still hung up on Sing Along Lass," Sister State the
Obvious replied.

   *********

Vel looked around.   He was in the cafeteria, underneath the `Save
Cheesecake Eater Lad' poster.   A legionnaire from before his time.
Both times.   Sing Along Lass sat next to him.    He felt the
strangest feeling of closeness to her and didn't know why.   She was
sitting next to alliterative Lass.

"So... he doesn't know?" Carina asked.
"Well, I didn't know even know till after he was kidnapped," she
said.  "I just hope we find him soon.  I don't want him to miss the
birth of his first child."

Vel grabbed a fork and tapped the edge of Sing Along Lass's plate.
His eyes perked up.

"Are you gonna finish that?" he asked.
"No... no... you can have it," she said.  "I vaguely remember you from
the Haven world thing. I forget your name..."
"Velnark X'Ronal Peterson."
"Your name means `He will Die Young, Quickly spilling blood, Son of
Peter?" Sing Along Lass asked.
"No, Velnark... not Krelnark..." Vel replied.  "It means `He will refuse
death and quickly spilling blood'.   Minor translation error.   Still,
having someone around who speaks Dorfian... it makes me feel
comfortable."
"Speak it... I can sing it..." Sing Along Lass replied as she ready.
"Har rentog hencom s'egono.  Plarg fet tui rog t'llono."

alliterative Lass got up from table.

"I don't why, but I think I'll let you two talk," she said.
"That song... it reminds me of home... wait a minute... didn't we have this
conversation already?"  Vel asked.
"I think... I think we have..." she said with a laugh.
"Now, I'm sure we have," he said grabbing a communication device from
his pocket.  "Vinne, can you get up here?"
"Umm... please don't," Sing Along Lass said.
"Nevermind," Vel said.

   *********

"Could we go over the plan one more time?" Penultimate Ninja
suggested.
"Of course," Ultimate Soldier said.  "As soon as Irony Man is able to
determine the Ultimate Emperor's location, Kid Kirby is going to
transmat us there and we are going to subdue him before he can alert
his Republican Guard."
"Right.  And it's only going to be the two of us because..."
"Because the key to defeating the Ultimate Emperor is going to be
surprise: we're going to show up, take off our masks and reveal our
faces to him.  He's going to caught off guard and that's when we're
going to take him down."

   Ultimate Soldier said this all matter-of-factly as if he'd done it
a hundred times before.

"Alright then," Penultimate Ninja said, still sounding doubtful.
"I've got it!" Irony Man announced.
"Alright!  Kid Kirby, open a BOOM tube!" Ultimate Soldier ordered.
"Yes, my liege!"  Kid Kirby activated the BOOM tube and Ultimate
Soldier and Penultimate Ninja stepped through and arrived in the
Central Control Centre of the Legion of Net.Villains Headquarters."
"Surrender, Ultimate Emperor!" the Ultimate Soldier said.
"Who dares?" the Ultimate Emperor asked.
"We do!" Penultimate Ninja told him.
"And who are you?"
"We are you!" the Ultimate Soldier said as he took off his mask to
reveal what the Ultimate Emperor saw to be his own face.
"We both are!" Penultimate Ninja said, doing likewise.
"What the heck is going on?" the Ultimate Emperor asked.  "Has the
world gone mad?"
"Indeed it has," Excess told him as she suddenly appeared amongst
them, "and the one last chance I have of setting things right rests on
the three of you being willing to work together!"
  "Was this part of the plan?" Penultimate Ninja asked.
  "No," Ultimate Soldier admitted.
  "So what do we do now?" he asked.

                                 TO BE CONCLUDED!


Ultimate Ninja, Sister State-the-Obvious and wReamhack created by Ray
"wReam" Bingham
Doctor Stomper created by T. M. Neeck
Irony Man created by Doug Moran
Kid Kirby created by Jameel Al Khavitz
Oddball Legion created by Ken Schmidt
Society of Net.Heroes and XXX-LNH created by Martin Phipps
aLLIterative Lass created by Charles Fitzgerald
Sing Along Lass created by Drizzt
Vel created by Jesse N. Willey


Greptile sat in the monitor room in Cybernet and looked on at the
travesty that was his handiwork.   All he had wanted to do was save
the Earth.   Well, one of them anyway.   Now, thanks to his world
weaving cities were exploding left and right.

"How many have we lost?" SPLoTcH! asked.
"Cleveland, Toronto, Manila, Tunguska,  London and Topeka," Greptile
replied sternly.
"Topeka, wasn't that destroyed in..."
"No... please, don't bring that up again."


They sat in silence for a moment.

"Look, Grep, it's not your fault.    You were only delaying the
inevitable," SPLoTcH! replied.
"Yes, it is my fault.    If I had done anything, it would have been
instaneous.   Now it's slow enough they people will know see it
coming.  They see it coming.  People will suffer," Greptile said. "If
only there were some sort of connection.   Some way to stop it."
"You mean other than being places us super types have never bothered
to go?" SPLoTcH! replied.
"What?"
"Beneath this eternally boyish exterior lies the mind that saved the
universe once before," SPLoTcH! snapped.

A red light flashed.  Greptile cursed himself.  They lost another
city.

"Where now?" Greptile asked.
"Abu Dhabi.  None of us have been there.  Toldja," SPLoTcH! replied.

CyberNet: Never Say Goodbye 3 of 3
A Flame Wars VI Tie In
Farewell
By Jesse N. Willey

Tj sat in at the chicken joint at the mall watching a news broadcast
from the burning wreckage of Montreal.    Jason sat next to him eating
a Teryaki burger.

"Look there was really..."
"I know that.    We did what we could.   It's just that I have so
many regrets?"
"Like what?"
"I've never been to a Stones concert.   I've never been to the top
Mount Everest.    I didn't sleep with Sandra in Zero Gravity  when I
had the chance," Tj replied.
"You had the chance to..."
"Yeah."
"And you didn't?"
"No?"
"Why?"
"We were flying over the Austrailian Outback during a communications
blackout.  And...." Tj replied.
"Why not tell her?"
"We can't fly anymore, it's not like we could..."
"Not that you idiot!"
"Then what?"

  **************

Sandra stared down into the pond.    She was alone all by herself.
Two women reflected back up out of the pond.   Physically, they were
identical.   They wore different clothing.   One was herself.   The
other was also herself, but not herself herself.

"Go away!"
"Look, in a few minutes I'm going to cease to exist.   Well... we both
will... but we'll come back one us.   I don't know what we will be like
then... so I came to talk to you," she said.
"Yeah... about what?"
"About Tj.   I heard about how you've been treating him since he came
back.   Look, I don't expect you to go back to being Troi and Riker or
anything.... But do you have to be such an ice queen?   My Tj and I... all
the other Sandra and Tjs I've met.... They've all been so..." she said.
"Close?   We were close.   Until he decided he had to go gallivanting
across the multiverse for a friend we had both given up for dead,"
Sandra cried.
"Because he knew a danger was coming that would threaten not just
your Earth, but countless others.   You could have gone with him.   In
some realities you did.   Still, he felt that somethings, no matter
how important they may seem, aren't worth risking all of creation for.
   It didn't stop the pain of leaving you.     Every crisis he
stopped, every person he rescued, every world he saved, and there was
still only one question on his mind.   `Is she okay?'" she said.
"Then the whole Derek thing came as quite a shock.   He moved Heaven
and Earths to try to get to you."
"Oh... so now he's some kind of hero and I'm a cold hearted bitch?"
Sandra said.  "If you love him so much, why don't you...."
"Why not?   Because I'm not you...." She screamed.   "I look just like
you.  I'm as smart as you.  I like the same television shows and
movies you do.   I've read the same books.   I do everything the same
way you do, even that thing with your eyes when you think no ones
looking.   I'm still not you and that's what he wants."

  **************

The normally antiseptic monitor room was cluttered.  Cans of  Barq's
Root Beer and Cracker Jack bags were scattered around the room.
Greptile typed the numbers into the computer.   SPLoTcH! watched on
with a frown growing on his face.

"So there's nothing we can do?" SPLoTcH! replied.
"Afraid so.   Even the cities we've been too will be destroyed after
the instabilities reach the planet's core," Greptile replied.

A ghostly cloud filled the room.    They turned to face the fog's
point origin.      Human shapes began to come into focus.    They were
two familiar faces from their trip into another reality.

"Patient Zero?   Absurd Lass?   What are you doing here?" SPLoTcH!
asked in amazement.
"Heralds of bad news, I'm afraid," Patient Zero replied.
"Oh?" Greptile replied. "You mean aside from the end of the world."
"No, that was it," Absurd Lass replied.
"We already know," SPLoTcH! snapped.  "So what's up?"
"We died and became afterlife cops.  Not much," she said.
"Whoa.   Deep," SPLoTcH! replied.
"Only about six feet," she said.   "We just stopped by to say `we who
are already dead salute you.'"
"Wait... there has to be a way to stop it," Greptile replied.
"I'm sorry," Patient Zero said.   "Don't worry.   Death is kind of
fun once you get used to it."

Absurd Lass walked over to SPLoTcH!.   They continued to walk till
they got out the door.   She removed her jacket and lifted her top.
SPLoTcH!'s eyes fell out of his head, his knees turned into Jello.
His body turned fell to the ground in the jumble.  Absurd Lass put her
shirt back on and walked back into the room.

"We'd better get going," Patient Zero.
"Yeah, and you might want to get a bucket for SPLoTcH!," Absurd Lass
replied.

The fog began to swallow them again.

"Why did you do that?"
"Come on, it's the end of their world.   I was just granting a dying
friend's last request," she muttered.
"But he didn't ask," Patient Zero replied.
"He was going to..."
"Granted... but their world isn't destroyed yet," Patient Zero said.
"It's inevitable.   You said so yourself," she said.
"There's a way."
"Face it, your just afraid he's into all subject necrophiliac
menages," She replied.   "Sheesh, I wouldn't have done it if I thought
it would have created this much friction in our relationship."

Greptile listened and didn't let on that he heard them.   When they
had finally vanished, he went to wake SPLoTcH!

"Did you hear that?   There's a way," Greptile replied.
"Yeah... and I think I just figured out how," SPLoTcH! replied.

  ************

Jason, Sandra, Greptile,  Sandra and Tj sat small armchairs in the
study.   The chairs were arranged in a circle.    SPLoTcH! walked in
carrying book.    He had a grim frown smile on his face.

"I bet you're wondering why I called you here?" SPLoTcH! said.   "One
of you here is a murderer."
"WHAT???!" everyone screamed.
"Sorry, I've just always wanted to say that," He quipped.  "The real
reason is that we know a way to stop the destruction of the cities...
and how to save the planet."
"That's good," said Sandra #1.
"Not for you," Greptile replied.
"Why?"
"Well, as SPLoTcH! reminded me a few minutes ago, your protomatter
selves aren't early separate from your matter forms.   When he created
the membrane he simply split them.   One set of matter occupying two
different places," Greptile said.
"So?  Is the protomatter unstable or something?" Jason asked.
"No.... I've read about this kind of stuff.    Let me guess... whatever
happens to the matter effects the protomatter.    Somehow.... Our
emotional states effect the protomatter.   For the membrane to work,
the protomatter must work in harmony..." Tj said.
"... and you can't except that I've moved on," yelled Sandra #1.
"Now's not the time for that," said Sandra #2.
"MY FAULT?!  You're the one who broke my heart..." Tj yelled.

Red warning lights flashed.

"Uh... guys... we just lost Istanbul," SPLoTcH! replied.
"You were gone for years!"
"If I were dead.  You would have known.  All the others did!"
"I'M NOT LIKE THE OTHERS!" she screamed.
"Calgary," SPLoTcH! remarked.
"Why can't you go back to the way you used to be?"
"You mean like her?  People change Tj.   Accept that."
"She's nothing like..."
"She's just like me... give or take a few weeks.   You admitted as much
yourself."
"Only.... Only in theory."

Sandra #2 began flickering in and out of existence.  Greptile raised
both sets of his eyelids.    He whispered to SPLoTcH! for a minute.
SPLoTcH! whispered back.    They nodded in agreement then motioned to
Jason.    They whispered again.

"We don't have much choice.   Do it," Jason said.

Both Sandras began to flicker in and out of existence.   Tj stared on
awe.   After a few seconds he knew exactly what they were doing.
Their screams of pain echoed in stereo.  Both Sandras blinked out of
existence.

"You bastards!  You killed her!"
"Wait for it..." Greptile replied.

  There was a loud explosion.  Bookshelves were knocked over.   The
chair were quickly scorched.    The fire faded quickly.    One Sandra
emerged.

"Tj, I'm sorry...," she said.
"What... did they do to you?" Tj asked.
"They merged me... us... err... them," Sandra said.
"So, you're not her?" Tj said.
"No... I have her memories... but I'm not her.   I'm not Chili world Girl
either," Sandra replied.
"Oh... okay then... go on.  Go... have a nice life," he replied.

Tj stormed off into the other room.

"Tj... wait.... I.... I love you," she said.


  ********

Jason walked into the command room.   Tj was moping in corner while
playing a video game.    Jason almost cracked a smile.

"Just like old times," he said.  "Just you like you wanted."
"What?"
"You and Sandra denying what you really feel, and you sitting there
moping," Jason said.
"If it were just like old times, it would have been a Super Nintendo.
  Somebody replaced it with a PS2," Tj said.
"Look, this is the fresh start you were asking for.  Go use it,"
Jason said.
"But it's not her," Tj replied.
"When you leave this bubble, the changes to reality will catch up to
you.   You won't be aware of it," Jason said.
"In that case, she and I will probably hook up again.   Just like we
have on a million other worlds.    Only on some level, I'll know it's
not the same," Tj said.  "and I'll resent you, SPLoTch! and Grep for
it."
"So, if it's not the same, it'll be different.  As someone said to me
a long time ago, different doesn't mean worse," Jason said.
"Who told you that?  The Professor?"
"No... you did."
"Okay I'll go... but one thing first," Tj said.
"Oh?"
"The Super Nintendo is over in the closet.    A game of Super Mario
Kart for old times' sake," Tj replied.
"Bring it on, Weasel Boy," he said.

   The End

________________________________________________________________________
All characters are property of Jesse N. Willey.   This document is
copyright of Jesse N. Willey.   Playstation 2 is property of Sony.
Super Nintendo and Super Mario Kart is property of Nintendo.


"Surrender, Ultimate Emperor!" the Ultimate Soldier said.
"Who dares?" the Ultimate Emperor asked.
"We do!" Penultimate Ninja told him.
"And who are you?"
"We are you!" the Ultimate Soldier said as he took off his mask to
reveal what the Ultimate Emperor saw to be his own face.
"We both are!" Penultimate Ninja said, doing likewise.
"What the heck is going on?" the Ultimate Emperor asked.  "Has the
world gone mad?"
"Indeed it has," Excess told him as she suddenly appeared amongst
them, "and the one last chance I have of setting things right rests on
the three of you being willing to work together!"

         Flame Wars VI #6
Conclusions
By Martin Phipps and Jesse N. Willey

"Work together to do what?" the Ultimate Emperor asked, sounding
strangely intrigued.

Excess sighed deeply, realizing that she had to explain herself all
over again.  "The Anti-Moderator has been destroying all imprints
which he considers unworthy.  As a side effect, the remaining
realities have been collapsing in on each other.  If we don't stop him
soon then the changes will be permanent and, frankly, I don't believe
any of you want that."

"What do you want us to do?" the Ultimate Soldier asked.
"I tried before going up against the Anti-Moderator with an army of
net.heroes that were amalgamations of not only different Looniverses
but even different imprints on RACC.  I was not successful.  I now
realize that I was being too ambitious, that an amalgamation of five
different alt.versions of Ultimate Ninja alone should be sufficient to
defeat the Anti-Moderator."
"Five?" Penultimate Ninja asked.  "But there's only three of us."
"No," Excess told him, "five."  At her command, two more figures
appeared, one dressed in the familiar black costume of the Ultimate
Ninja and carrying his Ginsu katana blade and the other covered from
head to toe in black leather fetish gear and carrying a whip.  "Behold
the Ultimate Ninja and the Ultimate Gimp!"
"Alright, what's going on?" Ultimate Ninja asked.  The Ultimate Gimp
didn't say anything because the zipper over his mouth was closed.
Excess explained herself one more time so that all five of them would
understand what was being asked of them.  "Are you all ready?" she
asked.
"Yeah, sure!" the Ultimate Gimp said, having opened the zipper which
had been preventing him from speaking.  "Let's go for it!"

Excess called upon her cosmic powers and drew the five of them closer
and closer together until they coalesced into a single net.hero.

"Behold... ULTIMATE wREAM!"

Ultimate wReam looked like Ultimate Ninja wearing a dark blue costume
and carrying both a katana and a whip.  In reality, this amalgamation
of Ultimate Ninja, Ultimate Soldier, Ultimate Emperor, Penultimate
Ninja and the Ultimate Gimp had the power of all five of them
combined.

"It's time," he said.


The Anti-Moderator looked down onto the new world he had created and
smiled.  His efforts had been rewarded beyond his wildest dreams: not
only would writers no longer be able to continue with the imprints he
considered unworthy but no new imprints would be created for RACC
without having them automatically become part of this huge shared
Looniverse in which he, himself, would be God!

But wait!  He sensed that Excess had one more plan up her sleave: she
was sending the Ultimate Ninja to assassinate him.  He was coming
alone.  The Anti-Moderator laughed.  This mere net.hero was beneath
his notice.  He simply sent a few headhunters to deal with him.

Ultimate wReam dealt with those headhunters with ease.  The
Anti-Moderator sent a few more.  Ultimate wReam dealt with those
likewise.  Ultimate wReam was getting closer and the Anti-Moderator
was getting annoyed.  The Looniverse was almost perfect and, by the
time this issue would be over, the changes would become permanent.
The Anti-Moderator, knowing that Ultimate Ninja couldn't hurt him,
decided to hold off on sending in the Ultimate Headhunter.  Too many
Ultimate Ninja's in such close proximity would damage his closely
sculpted Looniverse.

"Congratulations, Ultimate Ninja!" the Anti-Moderator said.  "I'm
very impressed to see you having made it so far."
"It's over," Ultimate wReam said with bravado.
"You're quite right about that," the Anti-Moderator said, laughing.
"It's over and I've won!"
  "I don't think so!" Ultimate wReam said and then lunged forward.
The Anti-Moderator was going to put up a force field between himself
and the net.hero but Ultimate wReam had already closed the distance
between them.  The Anti-Moderator was impressed by the net.heroes
speed.  Then he realized that the net.hero had already impaled him
with his katana blade.
"That... hurts," the Anti-Moderator complained.  "But how?  I'm a
cosmic being!  You shouldn't be able to hurt me!"
"Wrong!" Ultimate wReam told him.  "I'm not merely Ultimate Ninja!
I'm the amalgamation of Ultimate Ninja, Ultimate Soldier, Ultimate
Emperor, Penultimate Ninja and the Ultimate Gimp and not only can I
hurt you, I can kill you!"

The Anit-Moderator was running scared.  He decided to risk it.    The
Ulitmate Headhunter snuck up behind Ultimate wReam and sliced off his
limbs.    The Anti-Moderator laughed gleefully.

  ********

Excess looked on in despair.   She had one last shot at this.    She
could make one last amalgam.   She looked around.   The closest group
of alternates were Electra, Erin Joy, and Teenfactor's Carolyn Forge.
Excess knew Electra's mind had to be the dominant one.   The other two
didn't have it in them to do what had to be done.

"Why did you do this to us?"  said Ultimate Electra.
"Just go... backwards in time.   If a weakened Anti-Moderator still has
enough energy to undo stuff... I just might be able to as well," Excess
said.   The merged Carolyn Forge went back in time.  "Hurry, your
amalgamation is not stable."

  *********

Carolyn shot a lightning bolt at Ultimate Headhunter.   His body
shook.    He turned around to face her, chopping off Ultimate wReam's
thumb.

"I will kill you!" The Ultimate Headhunter said.
"Pshah, right," said Ultimate Electra.
"I know your amalgamation isn't stable...," he said grabbing her and
jacking her up.
"It only has to be long enough for me to do this," said Ultimate
Electra.

She did a palm strike to the undead Ultimate Ninja's crotch.    The
lower part of the behemoth's body exploded as she added a lightning
bolt in.  At that same moment, Ultimate wReam's battle against the
Anti-Moderato ended.


The Anti-Moderator collapsed, no longer being able to stand.  It was
then that the Anti-Moderator realized he was dying.

"You fool!  By killing me, you have destroyed everything!"  The
Anti-Moderator died.

  Then everything went white.

     *************

Electra was alone in the white.    Erin Joy lay beside her bleeding.
Sharp bone fragments from the Ultimate Headhunter were sticking out
of her side.

"I wish I could tell you about the road ahead," Erin said.  "About
how you'll set things right.  How you just made the first step."
"Shush... we have to get you to a hospital," she said.
"I don't make it.  I remember that very well.   You might though.
I've done something to ensure that," she said.
"Shush..." Electra said.

Erin's body began to crackle with energy.   Electra still held her
body as energy began to crackle through her.

"Remember me..." Erin whispered as her body vanished.


     ****************

  Ultimate Ninja woke up in his office once again.  He took a look at
his costume and noticed that he was back to normal.  He wondered for a
moment if all that happened were a dream.  He decided to leave his
office and head to the monitoring room where he found wReamHack.
   "Report!" he ordered.
   "Everything seems to be back to normal," wReamHack told him,
"except some imprints are gone for good."  He turned to face his
leader.  "I assume all the bad guys have been dealt with?"
"Once again, the LNH came through and saved the day," Ultimate Ninja
said confidently.  As usual, he never betrayed the slighted doubt to
those under his command.
"Um... guys?" asked Vel.  "Who are The Teacher Legion and why is their
sign on the front of our headquarters?"

                                   THE END?

Ulitmate Ninja was created by wReam.   His variants were created by
various people.   Anti-Moderator created by Martin Phipps.   Excess
created by Jesse N. Willey.   Electra and Carolyn Forge created by Tom
Russell Jnr.   Erin Joy is the LNH2 version of Electra.   The Teacher
Legion created by Dane Martin.

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