[BIZSQUID]: Bizarro Squiddies - Official Ballot

This is the official ballot for the 2002-2003 ALTERNATIVE
REC.ARTS.COMICS AWARDS, popularly known as "THE BIZARRO SQUIDDIES". 

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2002-2003 BIZARRO SQUIDDIES - BALLOT

Usenet:

1.  FUNNIEST POST OR SIGNATURE
Something that made you laugh so hard, you have to clean the coffee
off of your computer monitor because you did a spit take.

2. ZOMBIE THREAD
The 'thread who came to dinner award for the thread you most wanted to
go away.'  This category is for the most annoying thread that you've
been subjected to in the past year: Flame wars, cat fights, spam,
threads that die down and pop up again a month later.

The Characters:

3. CHARACTER FOR RELATIONSHIP
The comics character you'd most like to have a relationship with (Male
or Female).

4. LEAST USEFUL MEMBER OF A SUPERTEAM
Self-explanatory.

5. CHARACTER TO BE
The comics character you'd most like to be and why.  Is it the
power(s), the costume, the significant other?

6. STUPIDEST CHARACTER NAME
Self-explanatory.

The Industry:

7. WORST EDITOR
They do say that editors are the great unsung heroes of the modern
comics industry. And if that's true, some of them are the great unsung
villains as well! If your editor can't help but re-write scripts,
insists on having the characters they created make guest appearances,
fire your dream teams or give in to general faddishness then they're
eligible for this award.
The Business:

8. MERCHANDISING
Worst spin off merchandising or the "Least Direct DC Direct Piece."
Perhaps it's the ugliest action figure you ever saw, a completely
spurious toy, a statue both ludicrously expensive and so badly
sculpted that you wouldn't want anyone to see it. If it is based on
characters you like under normal circumstances and makes you go "This
got past licensing?," it qualifies.

9. HARDEST WORKING PRO
The 'James Brown Award for the Hardest Working Pro':  This Award is
for the comics professional that seems to be able to turn out shed
loads of comics and never miss a deadline.  Quality counts as well as
quantity.

The Titles:

10. LULU
The Friends of Lulu's Award for the comic with the best-looking guys
in it.  Apparently, in the dim and distant past, a board member of
this otherwise reputable feminist organization Friends of Lulu
suggested this category.

11. IMPROVED TITLE
The title that used to stink to high heaven, but has redeemed itself.
The comics that used to be just about to drop off your pull list, and
now the one you turn to first. The one where the writers and artist
took two years to gel, and now it's something special.

12. WORST LETDOWN
The event you were expecting to be special, but wasn't. The comic that
you had great hopes for, but when it finally arrived in your hot
little hands left you wondering why that tree had to die. The plot
line that took three years to build and turned out to be the dampest
of squibs.

13. WORST COMIC
The Arborcide Award:  A tree had to die in order for this book to be
published and you still can't figure out why the person who green
lighted this book isn't doing time.

14. WORST COVER
The cover that you just didn't like or one that offended you or
otherwise made you look at it and say "Who thought *THAT* was a
good idea?" 

15. PLEASANT SURPRISE
Something you weren't expecting to find in a comic. Something that
made you happy. Comics that you never expected to see published, but
came out anyway are eligible. 

16. UNPLEASANT SURPRISE (or THAT JUST STINKS)
A plot or character development, creative team change or the like that
you weren't expecting and ruined your day. Books being suddenly
cancelled don't qualify as there's a special category for that.

17. WORST RETCON
Retroactive Continuity. The cheap get out clause of bad writing. Want
to establish a fresh off the drawing board villain as Uber-man's
greatest foe? Write a flashback issue establishing just what happened
before #1. No matter what 40 years of published comics say, you can
re-write the past, especially if you do it in an expensive format with
chromium covers. Let's have the worst example you've read in the last
year.

18. BEST RETCON
The other side of the coin.  Sometimes, not often, a writer uses this
"tool" well.  Maybe they made an elegant fix to an existing continuity
problem.

19. KERVORKIAN
Sometimes when a comic dies it's sad. And sometimes it's a mercy
killing. The title that you're most glad to see gone.

20. MOST REGRETTED CANCELLATION
The comic that you're saddest to see cancelled. This includes comics
where cancellation has been announced, but the final issues are still
to appear in the stores.

21. WORST SCIENTIFIC MISTAKE
Once upon a time Mon-El, of the Legion of Super-Heroes, flew into
central Metropolis carrying a White Dwarf star. For a genre heavily
influenced by Science Fiction there are a lot of comics with very
dodgy science in them. What's the worst example in the past year?

22. WORST CONTINUITY ERROR
Depending on how you look at it, it is either depressing or refreshing
that the people creating comics don't automatically know every issue
of Wombat-Guy backwards. Quite often    something creeps out that's
been contradicted somewhere else. Sometimes though the mistakes are
special. And since I don't know every issue of Wombat-guy backwards,
give enough context so that other people will understand.

23. MOST ANTICIPATED NEXT ISSUE
Most Anticipated Next Issue for a Series That Hasn't Technically
Been Cancelled: (note: This is not for books on anything approaching a
normal schedule, but books which haven't had an issue out for a
while...but could conceivably have a new issue. So, for example,
Miracleman is eligible, but Captain Marvel by C.C. Beck isn't.  Also,
the book has to be part of an ongoing series; JLA vs. Avengers isn't
eligible either.)

24. BEST QUOTE
The best line you read in the last year. Belly laughs, 'Oh My God'
moments. Anything like that.

25. MOST JARRING FILLIN
Or "Who are you, and what have you done with my comic book?"  Guest
writers and artists. Sometimes a regular creator will need a day off
and someone else will fill      in. And sometimes they do a very good
job. 

But more often they come up with something that's just all round bad,
where the 
characters have forgotten everything that's happened in the last three
years. Sometimes it would be a good story expect for it destroying the
atmosphere built up over the past year by the regular creators.

Also eligible is the opposite case - a generally dull comic shown up
by a guest issue that just nailed the characters perfectly. It does
happen.

26. WHY AM I BUYING THIS?
Inertia is a powerful thing.  What book you've been buying in the
hopes of a change in creative teams, editors, or other such miracles?

27. FAVORITE GUILTY PLEASURE COMIC
You know it's trash.  But you buy it anyway.  You like it.  But you
really don't want to admit it.  All votes for this category are
anonymous. 

28. MOST SEXIST ARTWORK
Award for the most deplorably sexist artwork. 

29. VOICES IN MY HEAD
"The voices in my head are helping me plot this book."  This award is
for the most incomprehensible storyline. 

30. DEAD MEN WALKING
Sometimes titles are launched, and you just look at them and know
they're going to die. Painfully. Perhaps they're shamelessly following
a trend that's failed twice before. Perhaps it's an obvious creator's
pet project that no one's going to buy. Perhaps it would be a good
idea, but not with THAT creative team. Your best guess for this
season's walking corpse.

Note:  Titles where cancellation has been already announced don't
count. The first issue need not be published yet. Special kudos award
for anyone that correctly predicts a cancellation announced before the
start of June.

31. UNDESERVED LOW SALES
For the book selling worse than it should.

32. UNDESERVED HIGH SALES
For the book selling better than it has any right to.
Miscellaneous:

33. ROLL YOUR OWN
Make up your own Award category and decide who the winner should be.
While these can be serious, they usually tend towards the funny, at
least in terms of the Award names. An example of a past Roll Your Own
was Jim Cowling's
Best Reason To Become A Communist: Marvel on Wall Street.  Make up and
award as many as you like.  But if it's broad enough, consider
suggesting it as a real category.

Summer News Cycle:

34.  BEST NEWS HEARD THIS SUMMER
You heard it here first and it absolutely made your day.  A new title,
direction or product was announced or shown that just rocks.

35.  WORST NEWS HEARD THIS SUMMER
The flip side.  Your stomach just sank with dread when you heard this.

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2001 BIZARRO SQUIDDIES BALLOT

Please read both the voting instruction and award category
descriptions
in the previous section before voting.

#X  Example Vote   : write your vote after the colon

#1  FUNNIEST POST OR SIGNATURE: 
#2  ZOMBIE THREAD: 
#3  CHARACTER FOR RELATIONSHIP: 
#4  LEAST USEFUL MEMBER OF A SUPERTEAM: 
#5  CHARACTER TO BE: 
#6  STUPIDEST CHARACTER NAME: 
#7  WORST EDITOR: 
#8  MERCHANDISING: 
#9  HARDEST WORKING PRO:
#10 LULU: 

#11 IMPROVED TITLE:
#12 WORST LETDOWN:
#13 WORST COMIC:
#14 WORST COVER: 
#15 PLEASANT SURPRISE: 
#16 UNPLEASANT SURPRISE:
#17 WORST RETCON:
#18 BEST RETCON: 
#19 KERVORKIAN: 
#20 MOST REGRETTED CANCELLATION: 

#21 WORST SCIENTIFIC MISTAKE: 
#22 WORST CONTINUITY ERROR: 
#23 MOST ANTICIPATED NEXT ISSUE: 
#24 BEST QUOTE: 
#25 MOST JARRING FILLIN: 
#26 WHY AM I BUYING THIS?: 
#27 FAVORITE GUILTY PLEASURE COMIC:
#28 MOST SEXIST ARTWORK: 
#29 VOICES IN MY HEAD: 

#30 DEAD MEN WALKING: 
#31 UNDESERVED LOW SALES:
#32 UNDESERVED HIGH SALES: 
#33 ROLL YOUR OWN: 
#34 BEST NEWS: 
#35 WORST NEWS: 

PLEASE DISABLE YOUR SPAMBLOCKS BEFORE VOTING.
SEND VOTES TO: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>

*--------------------End Ballot-------------------*


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