[Fanfic][Ranma] Parting Gifts - Part Four.

  This tale grew in the telling, as Dr. Tolkien wrote famously in
the foreword to "Lord Of The Rings". I started off to write a
short, and it got bigger before my eyes. Enjoy.

  What has gone before: Ranma's engagement to Shampoo has been
dissolved, and Cologne has promised to teach Ranma and Akane some
things they need to know; Akane is to learn to control her temper
and Ranma is to come to terms with his feminine side. The lessons
have gone well in the main despite some rough spots, and the two
pupils are visiting Cologne one last time before the Amazons
leave for China. Now read on.

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Parting Gifts: Part Four.  by Robert Sneddon
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  Ranma-chan stopped dead at the sight of Ryouga and Ukyou
standing beside Cologne.

  "What are they doing here?" she asked Cologne angrily. "I
thought this was supposed to be..."

  "A secret? Why?" Cologne waved her hand at the two visitors.
"Every lesson must have its examination, to determine if the
teacher has taught their pupils well and the pupils have learned
what they were taught. Ryouga and Ukyou are your examiners."

  Ranma-chan definitely didn't like the look on Ryouga's face,
and Ukyou was smiling too brightly at Akane. She held Akane's
hand, feeling the girl starting to tremble.

  "What sort of test, old... Sensei?" Cologne smiled, and
Ranma-chan decided there were way too many smiles in that room.

  "Peace and understanding." Cologne pointed at Ukyou. "Our
hot-tempered cook here has issues with Tendou Akane. It is time
to see if Akane can cope with Ukyou's opinions without resorting
to violence. You two will go out for, let's see, ice cream and a
soda together. Spend a little time talking as friends and then
come back here." Akane and Ukyou exchanged hard-edged glances.

  "And as for you..." Ranma's heart sank as Ryouga stepped
forward.

  "Nice outfit, Ranma-chan. Choose it yourself? It suits you."

  Ranma mentally ran through a range of possible responses,
quickly discarding any that would result in large-scale damage to
the Nekohanten as Cologne would be seriously pissed if the
impending sale of the restaurant were to fall through due to its
demolition. The response that popped out the top of her
decision-action queue surprised both Ranma and Ryouga.

  "Why, yes, Ryouga-kun, I did. How nice of you to say so." She
fluffed her pigtail, making sure that Pig-boy got an eyeful of
her chestful. She noted his eyes glazing over with a sense of
triumph that was rapidly deflated by Cologne's next words.

  "As for Ryouga and yourself, well, there are issues there too.
I think that the same sort of test is in order. A date. Yes, that
will be a fitting test..." She was now the focus of two
remarkably similar stares from two very dissimilar figures.

  "Well, not a date as such..." the glares diminished slightly,
but only slightly. Cologne changed gears quickly. "Two friends
out for a snack and some friendly conversation." The glares
diminished a little more, but only a little. "Conversation,
then." After a pause, Ranma-chan nodded, followed by Ryouga. "In
character, Ranma-chan. Boy and girl, not two martial artists."
Ranma wondered at her reaction to Cologne's use of the word
'girl'; in previous times, before Cologne's instruction, she
would have bristled at the term being applied to her. Right now
though, it was appropriate and she found she didn't mind it.
Much. Odd...

  She nodded. Ryouga threw her a curious look -- *what are you up
to, Ranma?* but nodded too.

  "Good. Now go off and enjoy yourselves." She waved at the door.
"Come back in a few hours and tell me how you got on."

  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  Akane and Ukyou had reached the cafe without serious incident,
although Ukyou had reached for the missing handle of Mr. Kickass
a couple of times. Cologne, in her wisdom, had "suggested" Ukyou
leave her giant battle spatula at the Nekohanten while the two
girls went out. Now they were talking over a large bowl of
ice-cream. The subject of their discussion? Who else...

  "He's engaged to me, Ukyou."

  "And Sugar is engaged to me as well, don't forget."

  Akane swallowed her natural reaction to raise her voice, and
paused.

  "Yes he is." Ukyou blinked in surprise as Akane snuck another
spoonful of chocolate chip. "Mmmm, this is good." She waved the
spoon in emphasis. "Ranma was also engaged to Shampoo and knowing
his Father he's probably promised to a hundred other girls who
just haven't tracked him down. Yet."

  "Yeah, but..."

  "Priority? Ranma was engaged to me before we were born. Dowry?
In your case the dowry was paid in full when Mr. Saotome took
your family's yatai. Shampoo's claim was totally valid too. I'd
guess all the other girls will be the same. Everybody has a
reason why Ranma absolutely *must* marry them and nobody else."

  "So who gets him then?" Ukyou's scowl was reaching thunderstorm
proportions.

  Akane thought for a second. A small part of her was screaming
"Punch the bitch out! Show her who's best for Ranma!" but the
rest of her was looking at the disconsolate girl across the
table. For a second she saw herself sitting there, remembering
her boyhood friend and how he had disappeared one day with the
family yatai. How she had grown up with the certainty of being
engaged to him, of the hunt for him, of finding him, of finding
him *engaged* to this violent tomboy Tendou Akane...

  This empathy thing was hurting Akane's brain.

  "Turn that around. Who does he get?" She waved the spoon again.
"You or me?"

  "I can make him happy." Ukyou said proudly. "You, on the other
hand, hurt and belittle him every day."

  "Um." Akane stared at the table as Ukyou's face lit up in
triumph. "I do, don't I?" Ukyou suddenly looked perplexed.
Usually by this time the furniture would have been well on its
way to becoming sawdust. What was Akane up to? She was never this
devious before. Had she been taking lessons in subtlety from
Nabiki?

  Akane's eyes focussed far away. "Maybe it's because I love
him." she said in a quiet voice. Ukyou froze.

  "You? Love him?" Akane's eyes came back to stare into Ukyou's
with an open frankness that made Ukyou quail. She was losing the
battle, she was losing Ranma...

  "Yes. And he..." She hesitated, then dug the spoon into the
remaining ice cream, worrying at one of the chocolate chips. "And
he," she said more firmly, "loves me."

  "You can't know that." Desperation was in Ukyou's voice now.
Akane smiled at her companion -- if it had been a smile of
triumph or of pity Ukyou would have exploded but it was so
obviously not for her but for another girl elsewhere in the city,
a redhead, wherever she might be, and for the first time Ukyou
truly understood that not only had she just lost Ranma to Akane,
she had never been in the competition at all, there had never
even really *been* a competition...

  "But it's not fair! I love him!" she burst out.

  "And he loves you too." Ukyou blinked as Akane put her hand
over Ukyou's. "He loves you very much."

  "Like a brother, you mean." she said bitterly. She had heard
that refrain before.

  Akane paused again, the way she had before, as if listening to
a voice that wasn't there, then shook her head.

  "No. If he had never met me, if I had never existed, you could
have, would have married him and you would have been happy
together for a lifetime, and more." She pulled her hand away and
Ukyou watched blankly as it trailed off into Akane's lap like a
homesick puppy.

  "I can't explain, Ukyou. I'm not good at explaining. I'm better
at not listening." The corners of her mouth turned up. "It's not
that Ranma loves me more than he loves you. It's not... it's not
a matter of degree, Ukyou. There isn't a scale where you're at
the bottom and I'm above you somehow in Ranma's affections. It
doesn't work like that. He loves you. But. He is part of me and
I'm a part of him. Right now I'm where he is and he's right here
with me, inside me somehow." Akane's eyes glistened as she looked
into Ukyou's uncomprehending face. "It's not truly love we share,
me and Ranma. it's being. It's existence. You can't come between
us, Ukyou, because there isn't a gap you can fit into, to lever
us apart." Akane spread her hands. "I can't explain, there aren't
the words for it. It's just the way it is." She shrugged.
"Sorry."

  "But you hate him! You've said so, over and over and..."

  Akane's serene gaze froze Ukyou's lips.

  "I've said it, many times, yes. Meant it too, every time." Her
eyes got that faraway look again. "Words, just words. Ranma's not
the boy I expected to love but what did I know about love? I
thought it'd be roses and romance and moonlit dinners and soft
words." She shrugged. "I supposed love is like that, really. All
coziness and fuzzy feelings. Heh." She picked up the spoon again.
"Ranma has faced gods and demons for me, and with me. He's brash
and opinionated and arrogant and dumber than a post when the
right opportunity arises. There's a lot in him for any girl to
hate, but for him I'm not just any girl. I'm his girl. Thick or
thin, to the end of the universe and beyond. I'm his as much as
he's mine and that's the way it is." She stopped suddenly as
Ukyou's eyes filled with tears.

  The counterlady looked over to the pair of young girls in the
corner who had ordered the Super Scooper and two spoons. The one
in slacks wearing the bandolier was crying her eyes out, probably
over a boy, and her cute friend was holding her and stroking her
hair. She reached over with a handful of paper napkins as the
wails turned to sobs. The cute girl took them with a nod of
thanks and started to wipe her friend's face where the tears had
cut through the remnants of the ice cream around her lips. The
bandolier girl shook in her friend's embrace, still unable to
speak as her friend held her and made quiet soothing noises.

  "A boy, eh?" asked the counterlady. Akane looked up and nodded.
Explanations were superfluous. Ukyou, her blood enemy, her
opponent in so many battles needed her right now. Ranma could
wait until later; she understood now that Ranma was for her and
she was for Ranma and the other fiances were a pointless
unimportant distraction, something that had blinded her to the
truth. She was in no hurry now. Ukyou needed her.

  The counterlady turned around and started preparing another
Super Scooper; once Bandolier Girl had finished crying, they'd
both need more ice cream. The counterlady was a great believer in
the healing powers of ice cream. Especially chocolate.

  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  The other odd couple were walking down the street, if not hand
in hand at least side by side, although Ryouga was being very
careful not to actually come into contact with the strange
girlish creature Ranma had suddenly become. His attempts to
disassociate himself from her presence in public by walking
behind her had been firmly squashed by Ranma after the third time
he had almost gotten lost. Ranma's threats to handcuff them
together had caused Ryouga to nosebleed; she made a mental note
of this, just in case...

  Mr. Depressed was still not a happy little piggy. Time to get
things out in the open. "Why are you doing this, Ryouga?"

  "Huh?"

  "Normally your first reaction on seeing me like this -"

  "I've never seen you like that." he interrupted.

  "What, in girl form?"

  Ryouga snorted. "Girl form, yeah. As a girl, no."

  Ranma looked up at Ryouga, who would not meet her gaze.

  "Sure you have. When I hit my head and got amnesia -"

  "Or that time you pretended to be my girlfriend, remember?"
Ranma had the grace to look embarrassed as Ryouga continued. "But
even then you were pretending. It was a disguise." Ryouga waved
his hand at Ranma. "That isn't, isn't a disguise. That's you
and... and it's wrong." he finished lamely.

  "I'd have agreed with you last week." Ranma looked down at the
ground. She was wearing brown leather shoes, an old pair Akane
had outgrown which fit her now; stylish and definitely feminine.

  "So that's the real you?" Ryouga's voice was filled with
disbelief.

  "I... I don't know." She took a deep breath and watched Ryouga
goggle. A well-fitting bra works wonders, she thought
irrelevantly. "I don't have all the answers. Yet. But right now,
what you're staring at is me, the real me." She tapped her head.
"Up here... I said up here, Ryouga." The Lost Boy moved his gaze
upwards to meet Ranma's exasperated stare. "As I was saying, up
here I'm Saotome Ranma, the best martial artist in Nerima."
Ryouga snorted but did not interrupt as Ranma continued. "What's
down there is, well, variable. It's where I live. Up here is what
I am." She shrugged again. "Sensei Cologne's teaching style
leaves a lot to be desired, but she's managed to get that much
through my thick skull."

  "So, you're a girl." There was a note of triumph in his voice.
Ranma clamped down on his temper as it flared. Ryouga wasn't
wrong, not entirely...

  "Sometimes. Just like sometimes you're a mmmphh." Ryoga clamped
a hand over Ranma's mouth as he looked around frantically.

  "Shhh! Don't say that! you never know who's aaargh!" Ryouga
shook his hand in pain.

  Ranma smiled brightly, showing her small strong perfect teeth.

  "Do that again, Ryouga-kun, and I'll bite your fingers off."
she said sweetly.

  Ryouga tucked his hand under his armpit and glared at the
innocent-looking girl at his side.

  "As I was saying, we both live under a curse. We've both been
looking for a cure, and both denying we're affected anyway.
Right?" Ryouga nodded, unsure where Ranma was taking the
conversation. "Yet we both benefit from that curse, too, don't
we?"

  "Benefit?!"

  "Sure. I get free ice-cream when I put on my kawaii act, and
that lucky little piggy P-chan gets to snuggle with Akane on a
nightly basis, doesn't he?"

  Ranma watched with some amusement as Ryouga turned red again.

  "So, Cologne convinced me it was time to start facing up to
reality, and that reality is that I'll come into contact with
cold water on a regular basis. When I do, I'll look like this.
Seems to me I should learn how to be comfortable when I'm like
this, right?"

  "How did she convince you to go through all this, then? I'd
have sworn you'd rather die than turn into a girl for real."

  "She told me something." Ranma said after a long pause.

  "What?"

  "I can't tell you, Ryouga-kun." He'd never believe the truth,
not from her at least. Ryouga had been as determined as she was
to find a cure for his curse and to be told there was no cure,
ever? He'd go berserk.

  Ryouga clenched a fist. "Waddya mean, can't?"

  "Can't, as in 'I can't tell Akane you're P-Chan' can't." Ryouga
deflated as Ranma breathed a sigh of relief. Getting into a city-
destroying fight with her 'date' would probably get her an 'F'
from Cologne, and for some weird unknown reason she wanted to
succeed in this strange test.

  "If you want to know, ask Sensei Cologne about eagles."

  "Eagles?"

  "Eagles." *But you're not going to like what you hear, pal.*

  Ryouga stared into the distance. "Eagles." he muttered.

  Ranma-chan took Ryouga's hand and started down the road again.
Ryouga was so distracted that he didn't notice for a minute.

  "Hey! Whatcha doin'? Leggo! People are looking at us! I
said..."

  As they disappeared down the road, a diminutive wizened figure
leapt from behind a garbage-can and rubbed his hands with glee.

  "Sweeto!"

  A few minutes later Ranma and Ryouga were standing outside a
cafe looking at the menu in the window. Well, Ranma was. Ryouga
was still trying to win an argument.

  "So you've given up?" he sneered.

  That got to the readhead. "Saotome Ranma *never* gives up!" she
contested hotly, then stopped herself. "I never give up." she
said more quietly. "The question is, who have I been fighting?
Huh? Myself, right? *This* self." She poked herself in the chest.
Ryouga started to interrupt, but Ranma barrelled on. "The fight
is over, and it's a draw." She grabbed Ryouga's arm in a friendly
girl-and-boy manner. "Let's eat." Ryouga could not resist,
especially since Ranma-chan now had control of a particularly
agonising pressure point on the inside of his elbow. "You're
paying for this." she finished as the doorbell tinkled. Ryouga
could only agree with that depressing sentiment.

  As a large wedge of strawberry flan arrived at their table with
the glasses of milk they had ordered, Ryouga muttered across the
table to Ranma in what he took to be a stealthy manner.

  "That little pervert Happousai is ouside."

  Ranma-chan looked up from her dissection of the flan. "Oh yeah,
sure. The old letch followed us from the Nekohanten. He's been
hanging around me ever since I started this training with Cologne
but he's never been stupid enough to face the old... Sensei on
her own ground." She smiled as Ryouga lifted the glass of milk to
his lips and took a healthy swig. "Heh, I wonder if Happy's ever
tried to get ahold of *her* underwear?" Twin streams of milk
erupted from Ryouga's nose at the horrifying vision Ranma-chan's
words had engendered.

  "You okay, Ryouga honey?" asked Ranma-chan solicitiously.
Ryouga inhaled the rest of the milk and started coughing
furiously. Ranma-chan sighed and went behind her "date" to
administer the Martial Arts Heimlich manoeuvre. Unfortunately for
Ryouga this was not a kata Ranma had ever bothered to perfect and
it took most of the restaurant's supply of paper napkins to clean
up the resultant dairy deluge.

  The last of the renegade milk oozed through Ryouga's tearducts
as Ranma mopped up a little that had leaked out via his ears.
"Better dear?"

  Ryouga nodded, eyes blinking, then turned, snarling to face
her.

  "STOP CALLING ME THAT!" he roared.

  "Calling you what, darling?" Ranma's face was a picture of
girlish innocence as the other diners looked around at the
couple, drawn by Ryouga's outburst.

  "I'M NOT YOUR..." he paused, suddenly aware of the stares. "I'm
not your honey, your darling or anything else." he finished,
gritting his teeth in an effort to restrain his temper.
Ranma-chan's lip quivered and her eyes glistened at his words.

  "But, but, all those times in the love hotel!" Her voice was
pitched to reach the eager ears of her audience, with a tremulous
quaver that tugged at the listeners' heartstrings. "When you tied
me up and spanked me, you called me your sweet little dumpling.
When you covered me with orange syrup and..." When Ryouga's fists
started glowing a dull red, Ranma realised she had perhaps pushed
the Lost Boy a little *too* far.

  "Heh. Ryouga. Hehhehheh. Siddown." She gestured futilely as
Ryouga's shoulders shook and his stare hardened.

  "Saotome. Ranma." The words were squeezed out through tight
lips. Ranma glanced around, fixing the available exits in her
mind just in case. "I have known Hell because of you." He raised
his fists. "I have suffered agonies beyond counting because of
you." The dull red glow spread down his arms until it enveloped
his entire body. The more savvy customers, mostly native
Nerimians, started to edge towards the exits, blocking Ranma's
immediate escape routes. "BECAUSE OF YOU I..."

  "Hey, isn't that Akari out there?" Ranma-chan pointed to a
window and prepared to duck the other way. If she could just get
over the heads of the terrified crowd blocking the front door...

  "Akari? Where?" Ryouga got a goofy look on his face as he
turned to the window, the flaring red ki draining away to
nothing. Ranma slid away from her companion only to stop suddenly
as an iron hand encircled her slim throat. Ryouga put his head
down close to Ranma-chan's ear. "Let's go and greet her together,
shall we, my sweet little dumpling?" Ranma could only nod and
swallow (with some difficulty). Ryouga's smile was cold, his
fangs gleaming, promising Ranma a world of pain for her tricks.

  Those at the door who could got out of the way. Those that
couldn't were brushed aside or trampled underfoot. Ryouga, as
unstoppable as an avalanche, walked steadily out of the cafe with
one meaty hand half-choking the redheaded girl at his side. When
they reached the sidewalk, Ryouga looked left and right, then
smiled down at Ranma-chan.

  "No Akari. How odd." His fingers tightened on her throat as his
other hand clenched into a solid fist. Ranma-chan struggled in
Ryouga's grasp, but she was held too firmly to slip away.

  "You wouldn't hit a girl, would you?" she quavered, large
anime-eyes glistening with incipient tears. Ryouga hesitated for
a moment, then his fist drew back slowly and inexorably.

  "You're right, I wouldn't hit a *girl*. But you're still the
same Ranma no matter what colour your hair is." His smile
broadened. "And I have no problem with hitting Saotome Ranma."
The Fist of Doom glowed bright red in the sunlight as it hung
over the hapless figure. "When Cologne sees what I'll leave of
you, she'll know you didn't pass your test."

  There was a blur before Ranma's eyes and she blinked, but no
devastating blow followed. Instead she felt... she felt...

  "Happy!" Ryouga's hand fell from her throat as she staggered
backward, unbalanced by the unnatural weight of the very
unnatural miniature Martial Artist clamped firmly to her heaving
bosom.

  "Getimoff! Getimoff!" She pushed and shoved at the tiny figure
which was swarming over her chest but failed to come to grips.
Happousai, on the other hand, was not having a problem getting a
grip on Ranma-chan's expansive chest. "Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah!"
Ranma-chan ran in circles thrashing frantically and ineffectually
in her attempts to dislodge the Lecherous Limpet of Lust. Ryouga
leaned against a lamppost laughing his head off at the sight of
his most hated enemy suffering at the hands of Happousai.

  "Silky darlings, all for me! Hee hee hee!" Happy's hands were
all over Ranma-chan as she frantically battled to get rid of the
little pest. Her blouse gaped open and she felt the catch at the
back of her bra almost pop loose. The damn little pervert was
going to steal her underwear right off her body...

  As Happousai manoeuvered into position for the final strike,
the culmination of the secret and forbidden Anything Goes
Perverted Martial Arts move known as the Beautiful Breast Baring
Bra Burglary, his eye caught a glimpse of Ranma-chan's
incandescent battle aura. *Too late, Ranma!* he thought
gleefully, hands blurring as he moved in for the kill. *All your
lovelies will be mi...*

  Ryouga's jaw dropped as Happousai's inert body flew off in a
high graceful arc over the rooftops of Nerima. There was
something familiar about the shape of that parabola... His eyes
tracked down to the furious redhead standing before him. One hand
was holding her blouse together in a not-too-successful attempt
to contain her feminine modesty. Her other hand was firmly
wrapped around the handle of...

  "Akane's mallet?" squeaked Ryouga.

  Ranma-chan's smile was a scary thing, almost as scary as
Ryouga's own expression had been earlier.

  "Akane's mallet?" She looked down at the large mallet in her
free hand. "Oh no, not Akane's." She swung it idly,
experimentally, and Ryouga backed off a pace or two.

  "This beauty..." The smile grew wider. "This mallet is *mine*."

  "Yours?" Ryouga gaped. "But I thought that..."

  'A hyperspacial mallet is indeed the feminine Weapon of Last
Resort." The quiet voice behind them made them jump. When they
turned, Cologne was standing balanced on her staff, gazing at her
pupil. Ranma-chan looked at the mallet, then at her teacher.

  "Feminine?" asked Ryouga disbelievingly.

  "Yes. Congratulations, Ranma. You have passed your test with
honours."

  The mallet in her hands evaporated unnoticed as Ranma gaped at
the small figure before her.

  "You mean... Yaay!" She threw her hands up in triumph. This
was, unfortunately, the last straw for the abused brassiere catch
which flew open under the sudden load. "Oops." she said, quickly
wrapping her arms protectively around her substantial assets.

  Cologne nodded towards the cafe door. "Perhaps we should go and
find a restroom where you can make repairs."

  "What about Ryouga?" asked Ranma. Cologne looked down at the
Lost Boy who lay unconscious on the sidewalk, blood streaming
from both nostrils.

  "I'll find some cotton to stop the bleeding." She sniffed.
"Later."

  [End of Part Four].

  Last part -- Reunions and partings, promises and farewells, and
an Amazon kiss from Shampoo (but for who?)