[Ranma][Fanfic] Parting Gifts - Part Two.

the foreword to "Lord Of The Rings". I started off to write a
short, and it got bigger before my eyes. Enjoy.

  What has gone before -- Cologne has formally dissolved the
engagement between her granddaughter Shampoo and Ranma. Before
leaving for China she has promised to teach Ranma and Akane
something they need to know. The first lesson awaits.

  Comments to nojay (at) nojay (dot) fsnet (dot) co (dot) uk.

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 Parting Gifts: Part Two.  by Robert Sneddon
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  Akane snuck out of Ranma's room, the bundle tight-wrapped in
her hands and (hopefully) safely anonymous. What was the old
ghou... Sensei Cologne up to?

  Downstairs, Ranma was scratching his head desperately as he
looked at the piece of paper in front of him for the twentieth
time. Shit. The old ghou... Sensei Cologne was right. Damn.

  On the left was a list of women's names. Top was Ranma's mother
followed by Cologne herself, Kasumi, Nabiki, Shampoo, Ukyou...
The right side of the paper listed men's names. His Father came
first followed by Soun Tendo, Tatewaki Kunou and his father,
Happosai, Tsubasa and Gosunguki... the list went on, making him
more and more depressed as he contemplated it. There were a few
gems in there, of course -- Doctor Tofu for one, and Konatsu, if
he stretched the definition of male while squinting the right
way. Even Hibiki Ryouga wasn't *that* bad, he thought to himself.
In the list of women, the name of Tatewaki Kodachi stuck out like
a sore thumb, but she was an unfortunate exception in a list of
strong, capable women. And aside from her maniacal laugh, odd
hobbies and unusual pets, even Kodachi could be considered
"strong"...

  Akane appeared at the bottom of the stairs, a large bag over
her shoulder and smiling brightly, too brightly. Ranma knew she
was embarrassed about something, but what? He wished momentarily
that he had been quicker in trying to get that peek at Cologne's
instructions the night before.

  "Ready?" she asked. Ranma sprang to his feet, paper in hand.
"Ok, let's go."

  On the way to the Nekohanten, Ranma showed Akane the list. She
glanced at it perfunctorily, then took a second look, a finger
tracing each name. "Sensei's right." She shook her head. "Even
Father is a... disappointment sometimes." She put her finger on
the women's list. "But there's a name missing here, Ranma." He
looked and suddenly realised he had forgotten to list Akane
herself. How could he have been so STUPID? Akane was going to go
berserk! Oh shi...

  "Tendou Kimiko. My mother." Akane's eyes focussed far off for a
second. "You've lived in our home, the Tendou home for almost a
year. You know Mother because she's a part of the Tendou family
as much as we who are still..." her voice broke for a second,
"still here." She handed the paper back. "Don't you think she
deserves a place on the list?"

  Ranma nodded. "I know what you mean, Akane. When Pop and me
turned up at the dojo a year ago, the house made us welcome
before we ever stepped through the door. That was your mother's
doing, right enough."

  "Good." she said, handing the list back as they walked along.
Ranma's eyes kept straying to Akane's shoulderbag, but he
hesitated to ask what Sensei had commanded her to bring. Akane
caught his glance and moved the bag to her other shoulder, away
from his gaze.

  At the Nekohanten that night, it was business as usual. Shampoo
was cooking and serving the ramen while a busy Mousse threw the
dishes with pin-point accuracy to the customers tables. As the
couple entered he glared at Ranma, eyes huge behind the
bottle-end glasses perched on his nose. Ranma prepared to duck,
er, dodge if Mousse started throwing anything his way, but
Shampoo picked up a long-handled ladle and rapped the Amazon boy
sharply on his head, knocking his glasses to the floor. Mousse's
glare changed to watery-eyed adoration as he turned to stare at
the large ceramic good-luck Buddha on the counter beside Shampoo.

  "Stupid male! Watch where throwing dishes!" She waved at Ranma
and Akane. "Nihao, ex-husband, angry girl." The couple waved
back.

  Mousse's hands were still delivering Air Ramen directly on
target in all directions behind his back even as he fawned on the
Buddha.

  "Darling! You're smiling at me! Now you are free of Saotome's
lustful influence, we can be together at last!" His voice dropped
as Shampoo's face hardened. He leaned closer to the laughing
Buddha's rotund belly, squinting. "Although, my dear, much as I
hate to say it, you do seem to have been putting on some weight
recently. Don't you think urk!"

  Shampoo's free hand caressed his windpipe in an mostly-painless
manner as she sighed, put down the ladle and delivered a couple
of hundred very rapid slaps to Mousse's face. Ranma winced as he
recognised a variation of the Roasting Chestnuts technique.
Shampoo had been right; she was a much better martial artist than
when Ranma had first met her at the Amazon village a year ago.
Nerima was the sort of place to put an edge on any Martial
Artist's talents.

  She dropped the scarlet-cheeked Mousse on the floor next to his
fallen glasses as she pointed towards the back of the Nekohanten.

  "Honoured grandmother is waiting for you, Ranma, craz-" She
stopped, took a deep breath and bowed to Akane. "Tendou Akane, I
sorry call you names. Never again, hai?" She smiled, and Akane
smiled back. "Okay, Shampoo."

  "Hurry up, Grandmother not like kept waiting." She picked up
the ladle and bopped Mousse on the head again as he fumbled for
his glasses. "Back to work, lazy boy! No sleeping on floor while
work to be done!"

  In the back room, Cologne looked at the young couple as they
came in and sighed. She was getting old, and stupid, and blind.
Kami, even Mousse should have been able to see... how could she
have missed it for an entire year? The link between these two
wasn't just love; the Gods themselves had forged that bond before
they were ever born. The sheer antiquity of the irresistible
forces that had brought them together was astounding, and she
hadn't seen it, not until her grand-daughter's marriage to Ranma
had been annulled. She shook her head; it was almost a certainty
that she had been prevented from seeing it until now, now that
she was about to bestow her parting gifts. She felt the subtle
touch of the Gods in that too. She sighed again. Perhaps after
she got Shampoo and Mousse safely home, she'd go and have a
few... words with Heaven. She cracked her knuckles thoughtfully
before nodding to the two young people as they bowed
respectfully. Good. Akane had the bundle with her.

  "Akane, you can change through there." She pointed with her
cane at the storeroom. Akane looked quickly at her, Ranma and the
bundle before gathering up her courage and opening the door. As
it closed behind her, Cologne turned to Ranma, who was holding a
crumpled piece of paper. She raised an eyebrow at him.

  "Ryouga and Tatewaki Kodachi." he said defiantly. "and Asuka,
and..."

  "But on the whole, which side of the line would you want to
be?" she interrupted. His face collapsed.

  "You know which, you old... Sensei. Do I have to say it?"

  "No. You don't have to say it, just know it." She turned to the
storeroom door and raised her voice. "Are you all right in there,
Akane? Is your ear stuck to the door?" There was a sound of feet
shuffling hurriedly back.

  "So, let's talk about manliness." Her hand blurred and cold
water from a glass splattered Ranma, causing the change
instantaneously. "Did you know your IQ just went up fifteen
points?"

  "Wha...?" said Ranma-chan as she tried to wipe water off her
face.

  "Although we are starting from a rather low baseline, I admit."
Cologne put down her stick and picked up a small hose. Ranma
looked at it warily. "Let's play a game, shall we?" Cologne lit
up a ball of ki and anchored it over the end of the hose where it
sat, glowing faintly. Ranma tried to pick up on it, but it didn't
seem particularly special. "This is demon ki." she said, and
Ranma's ears pricked up. Demon ki?

  "Western science doesn't think it can exist, so they gave it a
funny name. Maxwell's Demon. It makes hot things cold and cold
things hot." She pointed the hose at Ranma-chan. "If you'll stand
over that drain to your right, thank you, I'm going to spray you
with water. When I do, shout out what you think you are, male or
female. Sometimes the water will be cold, sometimes hot. Maxwell
here will do my bidding. Give me your first reaction. Don't think
about it. Right?"

  "Uh, okay." Water sprayed at her. "Uh, female." She hadn't
changed.

  "Quicker than that." Another spray. "Male!" Another. "Male!"
Another...

  When Akane peeked out it was to see a sopping-wet Ranma-chan
standing in front of Cologne who was holding a hose. Ranma looked
down at herself; her silk shirt was sticking quite becomingly to
her curves, going almost transparent in all the wrong places. The
cold water was also having interesting physiological effects on
her... ahem.

  Cologne turned to the door. "Ah, Akane. Join us, please?" Akane
screwed up her courage and slowly stepped out into the rooom,
trying to delay the inevitable.

  Ranma's attention was riveted on Akane, who was dressed
identically to him/her ah...*quick check*... her. The red silk
Chinese shirt was pulled in at the waist under the drawstring of
her black cotton pants which fit tightly over her hips, broader
even than Ranma-chans. She twisted the leather arm-bracers
nervously as she stood under their gaze. She wanted the earth to
swallow her up, for darkness to descend, for... Ranma-chan to say
something unutterably inane. Which she did.

  "Jeez, Akane, you going all out for the tomboy look now?"

  Mister Mallet was in her hands, Ranma's arms were coming up in
a fruitless attempt to block, and there was a sudden crash of
shattering glass. Akane froze, staring at the fractured image of
Ranma-chan, looking horrified... and holding a mallet? and her
hair was black, not red, and loose, not in a ponytail... and she
was looking into a mirror, shatter-lines distorting her image,
but unable to disguise the vile expression of hatred disfiguring
her face...

  Cologne flipped the remnants of the mirror away as Akane
dropped Mister Mallet and started to sob. Ranma dashed over the
broken glass to hold the distraught girl.

  "Geez, Akane, I didn't mean it. Really. Hehe, you know what I'm
like, can't ever say the right thing, hey..." Akane's sobs
lessened and Cologne nodded. Ranma hadn't even noticed the last
shot of hot water from the demon-tipped hose in his haste to
comfort Akane. Good.

  [End of Part Two].

  Next part -- Akane knocks Ranma's block off (so what else is
new?) and Ranma gets a hands-on biology lesson at the Nekohanten.