[Ranma][Fanfic] Parting Gifts - Part One

the foreword to "Lord Of The Rings". I started off to write a
short, and it got bigger before my eyes. Enjoy.

  Comments to nojay (at) nojay (dot) fsnet (dot) co (dot) uk.

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 Parting Gifts: Part One.  by Robert Sneddon
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  Kasumi entered the family room where Ranma was wrestling with
his English homework. *I wish this stuff was as easy as Martial
Arts* he thought as he tried to untangle a particularly
complicated English metaphor into nice simple straightforward
Japanese. This guy Dick-ens-san had a lot to answer for...

  "Ranma?" He looked up from the floor. Kasumi held out an
envelope. "I found this on the hallway mat. Someone must have
slipped it under the door. It's addressed to you."

  Ranma gave it a quick glance. The kanji on the front was neatly
printed in black ink, but there was nothing else to distinguish
it. No postage stamp, no return address. Just his name. "Ranma".

  "Not another challenge?" asked Kasumi. She glanced around the
temporarily-tidy room with a worried expression.

  "Dunno, Kasumi." He shook the envelope, then sniffed it.
Nothing and nothing. No infernal devices, no mind-altering drugs.
"Usually challengers come crashing through the wall screaming
things like 'Because of you, Saotome, I have known Hell' or..."

  "Now now, you know your friend Ryouga doesn't really mean it,
Ranma." Kasumi chided. Ranma shrugged and held the envelope up to
the light. One folded piece of paper, some writing, nothing else.
"Well, aren't you going to open it?"

  "Suppose so." He ripped off the end and slid the piece of paper
out. As he read its contents, his face froze.

  "A problem?" inquired Kasumi.

  "Ah..." he rustled the piece of paper. "It's from the old
ghoul," Kasumi frowned. "Er, Cologne. She wants to see me at the
Nekohanten tonight, at seven. Well, just after seven." He handed
the sheet of paper to Kasumi who read it out loud.

  "Dear Son-In-Law, I would be obliged if you would come to the
Nekohanten just after seven o'clock this evening. Please make
sure you do not arrive before then. If you come, I guarantee your
safety and that you will be free to depart unhindered and
unharmed afterwards on my word as a Matriarch of the Council of
Elders of the Joketetsu. Signed, Xu Lon." Beside the name was a
red-inked stamp, Cologne's personal chop.

  Kasumi reread part of the message. "Free to depart unhindered
and unharmed... That means what, Ranma?"

  Ranma's brow was wrinkled. "Dunno for sure. The old... lady and
Shampoo have been trying to trap me for nearly a year now.
Moxibustion points, fake Nannichuan powder, amnesia drugs, you
name it they've tried it. Maybe this is another attempt. But..."

  "But what?"

  "That last bit. Cologne has said I will be safe. In writing.
She has put her honour on the line." He looked up at Kasumi. "She
may have done a lot to me over the past year, but she has never,
ever lied to me." He glanced over at the clock. Half past six,
and the Nekohanten was only fifteen minutes away. He sprang to
his feet, then under Kasumi's watchful eye, tidied up his
homework from the floor before heading out. "Seeya later, Kasumi.
Don't hold dinner for me, OK?"

  A few minutes after he left, Akane came downstairs from the
bathroom, unwinding a towel from her hair. Her practice session
in the dojo had loosened her up and smashing a few concrete
blocks had taken the edge off her temper. A good soak in the furo
had untwisted the last knots, both physical and mental, and she
was in a pleasant mood.

  Kasumi was in the kitchen preparing the vegetables for dinner,
a large bag of rice to hand. Akane waved to her sister as she
dropped the towel into the laundry basket. "Hi, Kasumi. That
smells good. You seen Ranma anywhere? I wanted to give him a hand
with his English homework."

  "Oh, Ranma's gone out. He was invited to the Nekohanten this
evening." Kasumi turned back to the chopping board, thus missing
the red rage that swept over Akane's face.

  *How could he? That, that... Chinese bimbo! Grrrr...*

  When the door slammed a few seconds later, Kasumi looked around
again. No Akane. Oh. She shrugged and continued chopping.

  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  Ranma snuck up the side of the roof and peered cautiously over
the ridge tiles at the Nekohanten's front door across the street.
The lights were off, the door was shut and the "Closed" sign was
prominently displayed. Funny, the after-work rush should be in
full swing right now. He saw a couple of salarymen approach the
door then turn away obviously disappointed.

  He had already checked the other three sides of the Nekohanten;
nothing obvious, but Cologne was never obvious. Was it a trap? He
let his ki-senses probe the building but it was locked up tight
in the spiritual sense as well. Usually a restaurant had a
welcoming feel to it; the Nekohanten's success was due partly to
the fact that Cologne had inculcated the building with friendly
ki soon after acquiring it. Right now, it was blank, almost dead.
Odd.

  What was she up to? He glanced over at the Prefecture building;
the tower clock said it was still a few minutes to seven o'clock.
His combat sense told him to go in *now* and disrupt whatever
plans the old bat had lined up for him. Another part of his mind
warned that the bit in the letter about not turning up before
seven might be devious misdirection, to get him to come crashing
in early in his usual reckless fashion just when they'd be
expecting him. What to do?

  He pulled out the letter again to stare at the neatly-written
text and the red-stamp chop at the bottom. He hadn't seen a lot
of Cologne's writing over the year he had known her; could this
be a forgery, by Shampoo or Mousse or somebody else? He rubbed
his finger over the chop. No, it felt *right* somehow. Besides,
he smiled, if anyone had forged her name, they'd be in for a
serious world of hurt when she found out, and she *would* find
out.

  Another figure, a girl this time, went to the door. This one
didn't turn away though. Ranma recognised Akane just as she
started to rattle the doorknob and bang on the window glass. Oh
Kami.

  "Ranmaaaaa! You letch! You hentai perverted playboy! Get out
here and take your punishment like a, like a..." Akane's battle
aura was glowing as Ranma landed in the street behind her. She
failed to notice him as the door swung open and Shampoo appeared,
dressed in a long grey robe.

  "Ah, crazy girl. You go away. Not wanted here tonight." Akane
tried to push past Shampoo into the restaurant. "Where's Ranma,
you Chinese witch? What have you done to him? Where is he?"
Shampoo stopped trying to block Akane as she caught sight of
Ranma, then smiled, a sad smile, an expression he had never seen
on her face before.

  "Stupid girl. Airen behind you." Akane froze, then slowly
turned, trying to keep an eye on Shampoo in case this was some
kind of trick. When she saw Ranma standing there, her fists
clenched. "You, you, you..."

  As she stomped towards Ranma, fists clenched, the chimes of the
Prefecture building's clock rang out. At the seventh chime, Ranma
was distracted from the approach of the furious Akane by
Shampoo's expression. There were tears in her eyes. Tears.

  He pushed past Akane as she wound up into one of her
Nerima-famous tantrums, cutting her off in mid-flow, and went to
Shampoo in the doorway.

  "What's wrong, Shampoo?" He reached up to touch her cheek, to
brush away a tear, but she shied from his hand before stepping
back and bowing formally. "Ranma, please enter. My honorable
Grandmother wishes to speak to you."

  Ranma echoed the bow, and went to step forward before realising
Akane was directly behind him; silent now, her curiosity
overcoming her rage.

  "Uh, can Akane come in with me?" He glanced back at Akane, who
nodded. Shampoo looked back into the dark restaurant.

  "Yes, she can come in."

  "Under the same protections?" He held up the letter. This was
Cologne and Shampoo he was dealing with, after all... Shampoo got
confirmation from the unseen Cologne before nodding. He hesitated
for a second, then entered the darkened room with a terminally
-inquisitive Akane on his heels.

  Cologne sat cross-legged on the serving counter, wearing a grey
robe similar to the one Shampoo wore, but smaller. Two candles in
holders to either side of her provided the only light in the
dining room. She nodded to the two as Shampoo closed the door
behind them.

  "Saotome Ranma. Tendou Akane." She laughed. "I invite one, and
get both. I should have expected that." She gestured with her
cane. "Please sit down." Ranma and Akane sat at one of the
customer tables as Shampoo moved round to stand beside her
Grandmother at the counter.

  "Firstly, I must tell you that when the clock out there struck
seven, Shampoo's engagement to you, Saotome Ranma, son of Saotome
Nodoka and that fat thief Genma, formally ended." Ranma rocked
back in his chair as Shampoo sobbed into her hands, weeping
openly.

  "You mean it?" He glanced at Akane, who looked equally
dumbfounded.

  The old woman leaned forward on her cane.

  "It is a year and a day to the second since you received the
Kiss of Marriage in our village. Amazon law allows the wife that
time to marry her husband, and usually it suffices. However, if
she cannot make her intended marry her within a year and a day,
then she must give him up."

  "I didn't know..." Ranma blurted. Cologne waved a hand.

  "Of course not. Why should we tell you? If you knew this, all
you had to do was to hold out and you'd be free." She glanced
over at her grand-daughter. "Xian Pu." Shampoo straightened up.
Tears had tracked down her cheeks to her chin and her eyes were
red.

  "Year and day means I can go back home, find another husband,
try again. I love you, want you for husband, but you love other."
Her gaze fell on Akane, who looked down. "Lose status in
village." Shampoo shrugged. "No matter. Make it up again soon.
Still best fighter, learn many new moves here." The old Shampoo
began to shine through the tears.

  Ranma sat there unable to move, unsure what to do. Comfort her?
But Akane was beside him, a presence not to be ignored. How would
she react if he... Cologne interrupted his train of thought.

  "Ranma, please stand." said Cologne. Ranma scrambled to his
feet as Shampoo moved into his arms and kissed him on the lips.
Ranma could feel Akane's glare eating into his back, but they
both knew this was no Amazon glomp but a formal ritual kiss, as
formal as the Kiss of Marriage, the Kiss of Death.

  "Truly we were never wed, Saotome Ranma." she murmured, still
holding him tight, her gleaming eyes only inches from his. "Now
we part." She sqeezed him one last time then stood back and bowed
deeply to Akane. "Now Ranma free for crazy girl to marry. Wish
you two luck, many fine babies." Akane's face went red, almost as
red as Ranma's. "Call girl baby Xian Pu, maybe?"

  "What will you do now, Cologne?" asked Ranma, desperate to
change the subject.

  "We will go home in a week or two, ex-Son-In-Law." She gestured
with the cane at the restaurant. "It will take time to sell the
Nekohanten but the village will make a profit on the sale, as it
should."

  "You taking Mousse with you?" Ranma asked, then looked around.
"He isn't here. Is he likely to try and take this out on me?"
Shampoo was red-eyed from crying, and Mousse got a bit irrational
when he thought his "beloved" was unhappy. That irrationality
usually took the form of giving Ranma some intense practice in
dodging pointy, sharp and/or heavy items hurled with great skill
and force.

  "Mousse go with us back to China." said Shampoo coldly. There
was a sound from the next room, of a duck quacking, oddly
distorted. Shampoo looked around, muttering "Dumb bird. Next time
use more duck tape on beak, not disturb important meeting."

  Cologne turned back to the two at the table as Shampoo rejoined
her. "I have gifts for you Ranma and, I think, for you too Akane.
A week should suffice, if you will come to me each evening for
instruction."

  "What kind of gifts? Martial Arts techniques?" He glanced at
Akane. "Tips on cooking?" Akane dug a sharp elbow into his ribs.

  "No, children, something much more valuable. Peace and
understanding." Her cane pointed at Akane. "What is your biggest
problem, Tendou Akane? Be honest with yourself."

  "Uhhh." She looked left and right, as if trying to locate an
escape route. "My temper, I guess. That's what people tell me
anyways."

  "Just after you've hit them, yes?" Cologne nodded as Akane's
face turned red again. "I can help you, I think, to control your
temper. Not to lose it completely, but make it your servant, not
your master." She turned back to Ranma.

  "And you? What is your biggest problem?"

  Ranma had no hesitation. "My curse, natch." He suddenly
brightened. "You can cure me?"

  "No." The word was like a dash of cold water, without the usual
side effects, and Ranma slumped. Damn. "Hear me, Saotome Ranma,
and know this to be an eternal truth." She banged her cane on the
counter at each word. "There. Is. No. Cure. Not for a Jusyenko
curse. It is inflicted by the Gods, and they do not change their
minds. Ever."

  "Never?"

  "There was only one man who was ever freed from a Jusyenko
curse, the curse of Drowned Eagle." Ranma's hopes rose again as
Cologne continued. "He decided to seek the indulgence of the
Gods, so he changed into his cursed form and soared higher and
higher into the sky until the air grew thin and his wings began
to fail, imploring the Gods to return him to Earth as a man, to
take away his curse. The Gods were impressed by the man's
fortitude and determination and so they granted his wish, and
removed his curse and returned him to Earth as a man." Cologne
shrugged. "The Gods, having the sense of humour of a slapstick
clown at the circus, returned him to Earth onto a patch of slick
mud right next to the Jusyenko Pool of Drowned Jackass, as they
felt such stubbornness needed rewarding." Ranma winced in
sympathy. "If you wish further proof, I give you Pantyhose Tarou.
Someone up there really has it in for that unfortunate boy."

  "So what can you do for me, then?" asked Ranma.

  "Give you understanding, perhaps." Cologne stood up. "We will
talk more about this, but you might want to think about how many
strong, intelligent women you know, and compare them with the men
you know. Write down two lists of names, male and female side by
side, and think about what list you'd prefer your name to be on."

  "The male list, of course!" blurted Ranma, unable to see what
Cologne was getting at.

  "Write down the two lists, and bring them to me tomorrow
evening at this time." Ranma nodded as she turned to Akane. "As
for you..." Cologne's stare burned deep into Akane's soul. "If
you wish to learn something about yourself, bring these things
with you." She held out a folded piece of paper. Akane went
forward and took the paper. She read the list three times,
squinting in the candlelight before looking up at Cologne. "Uh,
you expect me..."

  "Only once you get here. You need not appear in public." Akane
looked relieved. "Yet." Ranma tried to peek over Akane's shoulder
to read the paper but didn't manage to get a good look before it
burst spontaneously into flames in her hands. Either Cologne had
rigged it that way or Akane's embarrassment was combustible...

  "Will you accept my parting gifts, children?" Cologne's words
were formal, as proper and regulated as at an Emperor's Gifting,
and both Akane and Ranma stiffened. They glanced at each other,
coming to a silent concensus before bowing formally to the
wizened little figure on the counter.

  "Hai, Sensei."

  [End of Part One]

  Next part -- the first lesson for the awkward couple; Ranma
encounters a very odd little demon and Akane gets to see herself
as others see her.