[FanFic][Slayers] The Wedding of Miss Lulu (rated PG-13 for comedic violence)

Slayers
The Wedding Of Miss Lulu
By [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers. I couldn't afford Lina.
------------------------
-Chapter 1-

The Chimera eyed the dress with resigned resentment.

"I can't believe you're making me wear this stupid thing again, Lina."

"But you look so sweet in that dress, Miss Lulu." Lina teased.

"You do look pretty in it," Amelia agreed, sincerely.  "Maybe you should
wear it more often."

"I'd rather not wear it at all," Zelgadis grumbled.

"Perhaps not, but you don't have a choice," Lina told him. "Where we're
going, we need a female non-human creature to act as our guide. Otherwise,
they won't let us in the gate."

"How long until we're there?" Zelgadis sulked, getting into his dress
and fixing his hair just so.

"We're almost there," Lina smiled.

Around the corner, they made it to the border of the city.

There were no gates, and Lina was laughing up a storm.

"You knew," Zelgadis pouted. "You were playing a joke on me."

"You need to lighten up, Zelgadis." Lina smiled.  "I thought..."

Before anyone could say more, a man riding on horseback galloped past
them, grabbing the startled Chimera around the waist and riding off
with him.

"Fear not, noble maiden. I shall rescue thee!"

"Let me go, you idiot!" Zelgadis protested.

The man held a cloth of some unknown drug over Zelgadis's mouth until
he passed out. Then, with the Chimera in his arms, he rode off into
the sunset.

------------------------
-Chapter 2-

The golden rays of the morning sun shone through the window and awakened
the stone-skinned chimera who slept between the silk sheets and velvet
covers dressed in a satin nightgown.

After yawning and giving the sun an impolite gesture for waking him so
early, Zelgadis rolled over onto his other side, and let out a soft
groan as he felt the aftereffects of the sleeping drug that had been
used in his 'rescue'.

"Wha...?" he sat up, noticing the feel of the unfamiliar clothes. Someone
had stripped him, bathed him, and put him into this bed in this
nightgown. He felt a sense of anger and embarrassment toward whomever
his captor might be.

"Good morning, my darling bride," the man who had carried Zelgadis off
the night before told the irritated chimera.

"Bride?" Zelgadis blinked. "Are you mad?! I'm not even a woman!"

"You don't have to be," the man, who still hadn't given his name, told
Zelgadis. "You are the most beautiful chimera in the world. That's all
that matters to me. You see, I find chimeras fascinating and wonderful
and I always promised myself I would marry one some day. Well, that day
is today."

Zelgadis leapt to his feet, ignoring the dress for the moment, and tried
to aim a fireball at the man.

"Oh, sorry," the man smiled. "Since I work with dangerous creatures,
I've put an anti-magic field around my home."

Zelgadis considered his situation. This man knew at least a few things
about chimeras. Perhaps he had done enough research to know a cure? He
could search the man's house for it. But he'd have to do his best to
avoid marrying the chimera-obsessed man.

An old woman, clearly the man's mother, walked in.

~Good,~ Zelgadis thought. ~she'll see what I am and try to talk some
sense into him.~

"What a pretty chimera he is," the old woman smiled.

Zelgadis's hopes and face fell.

"He looks sad," the old woman observed.

"My bride is nervous about our wedding night," the man told her
sympathetically.

"Here," she said, dismissing her son, "Let me talk to him. I can
reassure him."

Zelgadis was beginning to think that staying to find a cure would not
be such a good idea.  These people were psychotic! He had to get the
hell out of there, and fast.

Alone with Zelgadis, the old woman put a hand on the chimera's stone face.

"Now, dear, you've nothing to be afraid of," she told him.

"I don't want to marry your son," Zelgadis told her.

"Don't worry," the old lady told him. "My son will be gentle. He's always
very gentle."

~Always?~ Zelgadis was disturbed by this declaration. It certainly
wasn't soothing to know that this creep had taken other Chimeras,
probably against their will. Who the hell was this freak, anyhow?

"Are you listening to me?!" Zelgadis shouted.  "I said I don't want to
marry your son!"

"Oh dear," the woman asked, "are you a virgin?  I should tell my son to
be more tender than usual. I'm afraid there will be some pain, since we
have no balms or lubricants with which to soothe you. But we'll do all
we can to keep you comfortable."

"Woman," Zelgadis growled, "for crying out loud, I do *not* want to marry
your son. Don't you get it? Don't you understand that what your son is
doing is wrong? Can't you get that through that thick skull of yours?"

"You rest now," the woman said, getting up and crossing to the
door. "you've got a busy night ahead of you."

The old woman slipped through the door and locked it.

Zelgadis sat there on the bed. "So much for reasoning with her." he
sighed.

------------------------
-Chapter 3-

"Are you the caterer?" the smartly dressed man asked Lina as soon as
he'd openned the door.

"I'm hear to find a friend of mine," Lina replied, though the thought
of a catered event was not unwelcome in her mind as she was close to
starving. "He was kidnapped. His abductor rode in this direction."

"He's a chimera," Amelia offered, helpfully.

"Ah, you must mean Miss Lulu," the servant smiled. "Quite beautiful that
one. The master did well this time.  Perhaps he won't kill this one when
he grows weary of him."

"Kill him?!" Lina asked.

"No one will kill Mr. Zelgadis," Amelia swore.  "In the name of truth,
justice, and eternal chimera love, I will save you, Mr. Zelgadis!"

*****

Zelgadis turned as he heard what he was sure was a voice downstairs. There
was a dazed expression on his face from the number of drugs they'd filled
him up with. He was sure a normal man would've been killed by the levels
they'd given him.

"It's probably just the caterer," the woman to whom's son Zelgadis was
unwillingly betrothed, told the chimera. "Don't worry. Nothing will
spoil the wedding."

The woman finished putting the wedding gown on Zelgadis and fixed
the veil. "There," she smiled.  "Now you're ready. Algia, inform our
guests. I'm sure they'll be quite fascinated when they see my son's
new bride."

"A marked improvement over that last chimera," the man called Algia
replied. "At least this one looks human. I don't suspect this one will
last very long, though. Compared to the others, he seems very fragile."

"Indeed," the old woman gave a nod. "He probably won't survive my sons
attentions for long. Still, my son has a right to be happy. And who'd
miss a chimera?"

------------------------
-Chapter 4-

"I'd miss him!" Amelia cried out as she rushed in followed by Lina
and Gourry.

"So would I!" Gourry joined in.

"Zelgadis is a pain in the ass sometimes," Lina "But he is our friend,
and he's coming with us."

"Arginald," the woman called down to her son.  "Someone is trying to
kidnap your bride!"

The man who'd ridden off with Zelgadis ran up the stairs, his sword drawn.

"Begone, foul scum!" he called.

"Hey," Gourry drew his own sword. "Nobody talks to Lina that way! Let
our friend go."

Arginald lashed out and Gourry parried.

"The chimera is to be my wife," Arginald said, his voice giving those
present the clear understanding that this was a man who got what
he wanted. "I shall use him for a while, until his body dies of the
strain. Then, I will find a new one."

"In the name of Justice and for the sake of true love, which you mock,
I, Amelia the Beautiful, shall save the pure-hearted Chimera Zelgadis!"

Amelia ran into the chamber where Zelgadis was being kept.

"Mr. Zelgadis," she said, her eyes going wide and wobbly. "What a
beautiful wedding gown!"

Zelgadis glared at her, crossly.

"Don't worry, Mr. Zelgadis," Amelia told him. "I'll save you!"

She tried to cast a fireball, but nothing happened.

"He put an anti-magic field around the house," Zelgadis explained. "To
keep the chimeras he imprisoned at bay."

"There's got to be something we can ... wait, I got it! I'll be right
back."

Amelia raced downstairs to the room where the wedding was to be held.

"Which of you was to be responsible for performing this farce of a
wedding?"  She demanded, her fists clenched, her eyes blazing with the
light of justice.

Several hands pointed to the man hired to perform the ceremony.

"Are you actually qualified to perform weddings?" Amelia asked him.

Feebly, the old man nodded.

*****

Gourry and Arginald continued to battle, swords clashing as each tried
to obtain the upper hand.

Soon, rather inevitably really, Gourry tripped on the rug and went down.

Arginald turned and headed for the chamber where Zelgadis was being kept.

Lina ran over to Gourry. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine," Gourry smiled. "I landed on my head."

Lina nodded, then ran after Arginald.  Gourry got to his feet and
followed.

*****

"You may kiss the bride," Lina heard from the corridor.

"Oh no," she gasped, "we're too late."  She paused to catch her
breath. Then, with an air of defeat, she openned the door.

Her eyes went wide in astonishment at the spectacle before her.

Arginald was lying flat on his face, having apparently tripped over a
long ribbon that was stretched across the floor.

Zelgadis had the bedsheets wrapped about him like a shroud, and the
wedding gown was now being worn by Amelia, whom Zelgadis was kissing.

Arginald got to his feet, and stared at the tableau before him.

"No!" he shouted, rushing at the young couple. "The chimera is mine! All
chimeras are mine!"

And the priest, who had grown weary of performing the abusive marriages
this man so often demanded, put his foot out in Arginald's path.

Arginald flew haphazardly across the room, out the window, and landed
in the mud outside, much to the amusement of the local children, who
laughed heartily at the cruel man's misfortune.

------------------------
-Epilogue-

Zelgadis retrieved the sandwiches from the picnic basket that sat upon
the large blue blanket and passed them around.

"Thanks, Zelgadis," Gourry smiled, taking one.

"Thank you, Zel'," Amelia smiled, breaking off a piece and handing it
to the two year old Chimera who sat fidgetting in her lap, occasionally
poking at her rounded belly.

The child had been the turning point for Zelgadis. Carefree as any
child, not caring that he was a chimera, for he had never been anything
other. He had, as children often do, taught Zelgadis a valuable lesson
without even trying.

Zelgadis learned to accept himself as a chimera.  He no longer sought
a cure. He knew in doing so he would make his son feel badly.

*****FLASHBACK*****

Just after his son had been born, Zelgadis had found a cure. He had
looked at the manuscript, then at the tiny child who would grow up the
only Chimera of his kind if Zelgadis performed the simple ceremony that
could cure him.

The tiny Chimera slept, peacefully, in Amelia's arms. Less than a week
old, the little boy was sleeping with a peaceful smile on his face.

And in that instant, a change came over Zelgadis.  Not the cure, but a
blissful acceptance of that which he had never before been able to accept.

"Is it...?" Amelia asked.

Zelgadis nodded. "My cure," he told her. He uttered an incantation,
which Amelia at first believed was the cure spell.

The words upon the page faded and vanished.

"What did you do?" Amelia asked. "Zel', the..."

"I don't need it anymore," Zelgadis had said, finally closing that
chapter of his life.

*****END FLASHBACK****

As Zelgadis wiped his son's face clean, his eyes held no shame or apology
for what they were.

(OWARI)