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On 2 Dec 2003 22:11:16 -0800, [EMAIL PROTECTED] (rockandrollbadboy) puked: DEAR PENTHOUSE, >SOMEONE MIGHT "TRY" TO HIT ME... IT'S BEEN ATTEMPTED BEFORE. PEOPLE >NEED TO BE SHOWN THEIR LIMITS OFTEN. > >AS FOR YOU... YOU WOULD LOSE BIGTIME AGAINST ME. SURE, YOU'D TALK >"BIG" IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS, AND THE LOCALS AT YOU LOCAL "WATERING >HOLE!" WHAT IS YOUR LOCAL BAR CALLED? MURPHS PLACE? THE CHOWDER HUT? >THE BLUE OYSTER? WHATEVER IT IS CALLED I WOULD FIND YOU. YOU'D BE >THERE, SCARED AND ALONE IN THE CORNER NURSING A LONG NECK BUD LIKE IT >WAS KEEPING YOU ALIVE... I'D WALK IN - COOL, SLOW AND IMPORTANT. THE >BARMAID WOULD PAY ME MIND - CAUSE SHE WOULD FEEL MY IMPORTANCE. I'D >GET A SINGLE MALT WHISKEY AND DROP A COOL TWENTY ON THE BAR. I'D DOWN >THE DRINK IN ONE SHOT AS THE BEST LADIES CAUGHT A GLIMPSE. YOU'D >QUICKLY MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE JUKEBOX AND SELECT "YOUR" SONG: BOSTON'S >"MORE THAN A FEELING." > >SUDDENLY YOU FEEL A HAND ON YOUR SHOULDER. LIKE A PUSSY YOU TURN AND >SAY "SORRY!" ALTHOUGH, THIS TIME "SORRY" WON'T CUT IT... YA SEE, IT'S >ME, AND I HAVE TRACKED YOU DOWN. YOU STAND THERE ALL ALONE, SHAKING >AND TREMBLEMING IN YOUR BOOTS. I LOOK DOWN AT YOU - ME 6'5", YOU 5'2" >TOPS - I SAY: "IT'S TIME, LITTLE MAN." YOUR LIPS QUIVERS... YOU LOOK >OVER AT STEVEN MCGREENY, THE LOCAL COKE DEALER WHO HAS A SOFT SPOT FOR >YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE HIS PAPER BOY... HE PRETENDS TO BE "READING DART >SCORES" AND IGNORES YOU. YOU NEXT CALL TO "STEVO" THE COOK WHO MAKES >"HOT WINGS" FOR COPS AND DRUNK FIRE-FIGHTERS WHO CAN'T STOP YAMMERING >ABOUT "9/11!" THEY IGNORE YOU. I LOOK YOU IN THE EYE AND SAY: "IN TEN >SECONDS I WILL TAKE MY RIGHT FOOT AND KICK YOU IN THE LEFT SIDE OF >YOUR FACE - AND THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WORLD THAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT >IT!" YOU START TO CRY AS I LIFT MY FOOT INTO A "HALF-CRANE." A POOL OF >YOU URINE FLOODS YOUR SNEAKERS - SNEAKERS YOUR MOM BOUGHT YOU FROM THE >FROZEN MEAT SECTION OF K-MART. YOU ARE SECONDS AWAY FROM BEING >DEFEATED BY BRETT MEISNER AND THERE ISN'T A SINGLE THING YOU CAN DO >ABOUT IT... > >(TO BE CONTINUED...) -- lab~rat >:-) Do you want polite or do you want sincere?
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