The Rat in the Hat

Since I don't have anything useful or interesting to post to the group (as
usual), and since "The Cat in the Hat" movie just came out, I figgered I'd
repost this silly poem I wrote about Mike Love....with apologies to Dr. Suess.

Doug

_____________________

 
The Rat in the Hat

By Dr. Sloop

The music had stopped.
We were too high to play.
So we sat in the studio
All that hot, summer day.

I sat there with Dennis.
We sat there we two.
And I said, "How I wish
Brian would come-to."

Too drugged to record
Or to finish up SMiLE.
So we sat in the studio
And chilled for a while.

So, all we could do was to
Chill!
Chill!
Chill!
Chill!
And everyone knows
Dennis can't sit still.

And then
Something came in!
It was lanky and thin.

We looked!
Then we saw him step in on the mat!
We looked!
And we saw him!
The Rat in the Hat!
And he said to me,
"Carl, you're looking real fat."

"I know Brian is high
And Dennis is drunk.
But we can still sing.
So get out of that funk!"

"I know some good songs we could sing,"
Said the rat.
"I wrote some new songs,"
Said the Rat in the Hat.
"A lot of good songs.
I will sing them to you.
Brian won't mind
If we change just a few."

Then Dennis and I
Decided to go.
But Mike, er, the Rat
Locked the studio. 

Then Brian said, "No! No!
Make that rat go away!
Tell that Rat in the Hat
You do NOT want to play.
He should not be here.
He's so vulgar and vile.
Please don't let him
Mess around with my SMiLE."

"Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!" said the rat.
"My songs are not bad,"
Said the Rat in the Hat.
"Why, we can sing
Lots of good songs that I wrote.
Stay calm and just listen
As I sing the fist note."

"Make him stop!" pleaded Brian.
""This is no good at all!
"Make him stop!" Brian pleaded.
"He makes my skin crawl."

"Settle down!" said the rat.
"Just listen to me.
As I sing some amazing
One-part harmony.
We can put it on SMiLE.
It's so great, don't you know.
This song that I wrote is called, 'Kokomo.'"

"Hear me sing!
Hear me sing now!" said the rat.
"As I'm holding my nose
Just listen to that!
I can sing through my nostrils!
I can sing in a bass voice!
Whatever you like!
I'll give you the choice!
And listen!
I can sing with this microphone stand!
And twirl it around with my right or left hand!
Oh yes!
Can you see that I can?"

Then Brian jumped up.
I could tell he was hot.
He said, "Do I like this?
Oh no! I do not.
This is not a good song,"
Brian said in a fit.
"No, I do not like it,
Not one little bit!"

"Now look what you did!"
Said Brian to Mike.
"You ruined my album
With a song I don't like!
You should not be here
In my studio.
You get out of here now!
Now, GO! GO! GO! GO!"

"But I like to be here.
And I will sing my song.
My lawyer says 
I can stay all day long.
I do NOT wish to go!
And so," said the Rat in the Hat,
"So
so
so...
I will sing you
Another good song that I know!"

"But I need some help,"
said the Rat in the Hat.
"I know just the thing 
to help me with that."

Then he reached over his head
And took off his hat.
That's when we saw
That he WAS bald in fact.
"In my hat are two things
I will show to you now.
You won't like these two things,"
Said the rat with a bow.

"Now come out of my hat.
I hope they won't scare you.
I call these two things
Stooge One and Stooge Two.
They're just here to help me.
They're not at all mean."
Then out jumped Bruce Johnston
And Alan Jardine!
And they ran to us fast.
They said," How do you do?
Would you like to shake hands
With Stooge One and Stooge Two?"

"They should not be here!"
I heard Brian yell.
"Put them out! Put them out!"
He said as he fell.

"Cool it, Brian!"
I heard Alan say.
Then Dennis broke down
And grabbed an ashtray.
Brian was crying.
He was going apes.
He started a fire
And burned the SMiLE tapes.

Then the Rat in the Hat
Grabbed Stooge One and Stooge Two.
And recorded and album
That they called M.I.U.

I quit the band.
Brian slept in his bunk.
Dennis went home
And got sloppy drunk.

The Beach Boys were finished.
They were over like that.
All because of the stooges
And the Rat in the Hat!
-------------

Doug

 


 


 
 
 

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