Re: Bad Faith Marriage

Elaine, I just wanted to wish you all the best in your relationship and
eventual marriage.  I also met my husband online originally, and I can tell
you that what we had long distance meant just as much as the weeks we could
spend together.  Neither of us were looking to make a romantic connection on
the internet - if you've read some of my past posts, you know that we met on
the message board of our favorite hockey team and developed a friendship
that became romantic.

We "met" in August 2001 and developed a friendship that turned romantic in
March 2002.   I came to Calgary for the first time in July 2002, and I moved
to Calgary in February 2003.  There were five visits in between July and
February.   We were married on July 5, 2003....the one-year anniversary of
the day we met in person for the first time.

You are two adults who don't need to justify your relationship to anyone
else.  You know what you mean to each other.  Certainly there are internet
romances that have gone bad, but there also genuine commitments that last.
I applaud you for considering how Canada Immigration will view your
relationship.  After all, it would be one thing if we could schedule an
interview with a visa officer to present our cases, but we are left with
one-dimensional communication on paper to present our most treasured
relationship.  We know where our hearts and intentions lie, and we want to
make sure that the visa officer understands that we have only good
intentions to share our lives with someone who happens to live across the
border.

What you say about the trust and communication in a long distance
relationship is true.  Just because we weren't in the same room together
sometimes, doesn't mean that we could be separated in spirit.  True love
waits for all the red tape to catch up.  I'm in the middle of an inland
spouse case, and every time I get mad about the ever-growing processing
times, or lonely when I'm home alone during the day (I don't have legal
status to work, and I'm trying to preserve as much of my savings as possible
so I don't spend extra money), I think of how I once had to treasure a ten
day visit when that was all we could manage with our work/vacation pay
schedules.  You do what you need to.  Of course, the phone company wishes we
were still apart, but that's too bad!  :)

My PR visa will come through, and someday not that far away, you will be
together with your love as well.  Sometimes your soulmate isn't in your
backyard, but he's worth going through some extra effort for.

I hope everything goes smoothly with your case once you file, and that you
have a lifetime of happiness.  I understand how the other poster who doesn't
know you outside of the newsgroup might be skeptical of an online romance,
but I also know how special my own marriage is to me.  Yours sounds to be
the same for you.  Best wishes!

Renee :)

-- 
Inland Spouse Timeline so far (U.S. Citizen):
19 Feb 2003:  Moved to Calgary from U.S. on 6 month TRV
12 May 2003:  Did medicals in Calgary
20 June 2003:  Applied for TRV extension
5 July 2003:  Wedding Date
17 July 2003:  CIC received inland spouse PR application
15 Aug 2003:  Received 6 month TRV extension
20 Aug 2003:  CIC request for work history dates (which were sent with
application)
21 Aug 2003:  CIC received work history reply by overnight post
4 Sept 2003:  CIC e-Client finally shows "in process"


"elaine" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote in message
news:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> nice...well...good luck to you as well...and it was rather obvious that
you
> didn't see the fact that we've been in a committed long distance
relationship
> for OVER ONE.... YESSSS ONE YEAR NOW...we were together in person for a
meager
> 35 days, as you put it....so...granted, the majority of our relationship
has
> been online and over the telephone, the parallels of being involved in a
long
> distance "online" telephone relationships as compared to having one in
person...
> the only difference, is not being able to smell or touch the other
person...the
> commitment is still the same, if not, even more of the effort has to be
put in,
> because when your involved in an "online" long distance relationship, the
TRUST,
> SECURITY and the COMMUNICATION portion of the relationship has to be even
more
> so solid and fluid.  Also, might I add, the amount of time spent together
online
> or on the telephone, is still the same as it would be in person.  We tell
> eachother about our day, We play games online with one another, we surf
the web,
> hell we've even watched movies together, and ate dinner together,
listening via
> the telephone, trying to decipher what was said between gulping and
munching. Do
> you spend time with your spouse, in person 24/7?  I bet you don't, not
unless
> your a control freak.
>
> oh might I add, both of our families and friends know about our
relationship?
> Gosh my bf even spent Thanksgiving here, with my entire family...oh wowee!
And
> I'm going down to be with his family in May for my bf's birthday, and they
all
> see it as genuine and bona fide...Christ, every situation is different, be
it
> you've only known someone for a week and get married and spend a life time
> together...or you've known someone for years upon years, only to get a
divorce
> down the road....who are u to judge...I know I never would.
>
> Also...might I add, I am soooooo not looking at this through rose coloured
> glasses...believe you me...If my bf and I did live in the same
country...we
> probably would of been married by now.  Because of the potential
consequences
> with Immigration, we haven't decided if we want to do this, yet...We've
only
> talked about it, and we are discussing it, and putting out our questions
on the
> subject.  I have thought this out thoroughly, and so has my partner, and
with
> caution, we are not  morons.  All relationships are work in progress...be
it in
> person or online or through a bloody astral plane, and it's up to the two
people
> involved to make it work, regardless of their relationship boundaries and
> circumstances.
>
> Also..in regards to your "BAD FAITH" comments was mearly quoting a web
site I
> read on the subject of people who DO marry in bad faith situations for
> immigration purpose, my bf and I surely to hell won't be, but we are
taking into
> consideration that there could be a chance that immigration canada could
> possibly see it that way.  (might I add he's a bona fide, born and raised
> W.A.S.P American Citizen, not to sound as a racist, but it is a fact that
> Immigration Canada would look more poorly on a situation if the person
being
> sponsored was from a country that doesn't have the abundance in wealth
that the
> U.S does and needs and/or wants to get out of their country due to what
ever the
> situation that is making them want to or have to leave... that is taken
from a
> statement, from an actually Canadian Immigration Consultant when I asked
these
> questions)
>
> Unfortunately, in my bf and I's case, we do live on the same continent,
but
> there is a border barrier.  All we want to do is start our life journey
> together, like normal couples do,  we've waited long enough.  So, due to
the
> fact that we can't "legally" reside together for a long period of time
here as
> just bf and gf like normal couples do in and then decided to get married
after
> living together for a long period of time, which  in that case we could
consider
> claiming ourselves as common law even with out getting married,   we have
been
> thinking to get married sooner than the later, because this long distance
> relationship is expensive and hurts to be away from one another for long
periods
> of time.  I think with the amount of EVIDENCE  we have been collecting
over the
> last year, with telephone bills, text messaging, emails,  photographs,
written
> testimony from family and friends stating we are committed to one another,
Joint
> names on the Apartment lease, hydro bill, health benefits...etc..why am I
> explaining myself to this joker here? Dude, you just don't even know half
of
> what my bf and I have been through as a couple for you to even put out
your
> energy out here to make a "political statistical statement" and reply
back.
>
>
> "http://www.iamnotamerican.com"; wrote:
>
> > in a recent article, elaine ([EMAIL PROTECTED]) said:
> >
> > > Also, with that, does Canadian Immigration take into consideration how
> > > we got married, ie...a huge ceremony, family member's present etc...or
> > > do they really care?  We can only afford to have a civil ceremony with
a
> > > couple of friends present as witnesses, with no reception, but we do
> > > have plans to have a "bigger" ceremony with family members and a
> > > reception, when we have more money saved to have one.
> >
> >     Disclaimer:  It's politically correct these days to tell the truth,
but
> > I never was politically correct...so I say it as I see it.  Here
'goes....
> >
> >     When you're married, your married, but as any relationship expert
(and
> > psychologist) would ask...why the rush.  You've spent a total of 35 days
> > with each other (5 weeks @ 7 days/wk), and now you want to get married?
> > While I'm sure you'll say you're totally in love and that you're
> > 'different', marrying someone you've known for 35 days is statistically
> > bound to come crashing and burning.  And you will be responsible for
this
> > person for a number of years, because you sponsored them.
> >
> >     You're looking at this through glasses that are VERY rose-coloured
right
> > now, but you must sit back and look at it realistically.  You refer to a
> > marriage in BAD FAITH yourself.  If you know it, then why do it?  If
you're
> > truly in love, then why not actually develop the relationship, rather
jump
> > into something you will most likely regret later?
> >
> >     You will be required to establish your relationship and 35 days of
> > 'together' time is going to raise a number of major red flags, and your
own
> > mentality that is a bad faith wedding will cause the whole immigration
thing
> > to collapse, because immigration will pick up on that...and you won't be
> > able to sponsor him at all.
> >
> >     Oh...one more thing.  These 'friends' who will be coming to the
civil
> > ceremony?  I'd dump them as friends if I were in your situation, because
> > they're not serving their role as friends too well.  If they were true
> > friends, they would be telling you to give your head a shake and saying
what
> > I'm saying, because you're getting yourself into a situation you will
> > statistically and legally regret later.  All because you're 'in love'.
> >
> >     I wish you good luck in your relationship, but entering what is, in
your
> > own words, a bad-faith marriage after just 35 days of together time is
> > ridiculous.  If you do that, I can only pray that you get caught and the
> > immigration dept throws the book at you.
> >
> >     If you are truly in love (as opposed to infatuation or hormones),
you
> > certainly should be able to wait longer and make SURE you're prepared to
> > marry.  I know I did.
> >
> >     Good luck, and may the truth be with you.
> >
> > --
> > Say "I am not American" in TWELVE languages.
> > The original "I am not American" T-shirts - as seen on CNN
> > Only at http://www.iamnotamerican.com .
> >
> > View 16 NEW designs and a full range of merchandise.
> > http://www.iamnotamerican.com
> >
> > Remove uppercase letters from Email address to reply.
>