What is your IF frequency

First posting. All these have been seen by myself , in print: not copied
from any previous postings or the internet. Many of them have been published
by a company for which I worked. I have a list of about 5000 more examples
and I may post many more, if I can get-a-round-twit.

(Text In Brackets Is The Manual Title)
Text Underlined Is The Chapter Title
===================================
The text or quotation from the document.
(My sarcastic comments or clarification.)


(Swedish Power Tool Supplier)
Operating Instructions (Chain saw)
======================
Danger. Keep the cutting blade(s) away from components of the body, e.g.:
the genitals.
(The author obviously had a phobia.)


(RBS2101 Installation Manual)
Safety (Climbing Ladders)
=========================
When you lean sideways, outward from a ladder, your navel should never
become outside the edge of the ladder's framework.
(How about the nose? or genitals?)

You should always have at least three holds on a ladder, e.g.: two hands and
a foot, two feet and one hand, or any other relevant combination.
(Just in case you have more than two hands or feet!)


Safety (RF Radiation)
=====================
Do not stand in front of dish antennas mounted on towers due to the high
risk of radio frequency radiation.
(Just in case you have both feet firmly planted in the air! (project
managers))


(Installation of Cable Run BAY611 14/2 Manual)
Assembling The Cable Run
========================
Refer to the "How To Use Metal Hand Saw LDS301 02 (1531-FCM101 1113 Uen)"
document if you need to cut any metal or component deal.
(How to use a hacksaw for absolute beginners!)


Installing Cable Chutes
=======================
Place the upper cable chute inside the lower cable chute and raise the upper
cable chute to the top of the vertical cable chute bar.
(Someone should chute the author)


(RBS3201 Outdoor Cabinet Installation And Integration Manual Document)
Mounting The Mounting Base On The Mounting Frame
================================================
Mount the mounting base on the mounting frame using the mounting screws
supplied in the mounting kit. The screws are mounted in the mounting frame
so that the mounting base can be mounted on the mounting screws on the
mounting frame.
Mount the RBS on the mounting frame.
(The author then went home and mounted his girlfriend. By the way, those
"screws" are in fact 16mm stainless steel bolts.)


(Radio Network Controller (RNC) 3810 Installation Of Equipped Cabinet In
Non-Earthquake Zone On A Raised Floor Using -48vDC Power)
Installation Of Equipped Cabinet BYB 501
========================================
Use hammer drill-machine (18) and appropriate drill (1) for gypsum walls and
if concrete, too. Install the support (38) to the wall (47) with insulating
plate (24), bushings (25), and washers (23), together with the appropriate
plug (4) or (5), using nylon hammer (4), screwdriver bit (6) and holder
(20), by gently tapping the plugs into the holes and securing the screw of
the plugs, using screwdriver bit (6) and holder (20). Proceed directly to
SubProcedure 2.5 on page 32.
(Did the illustrations really include a wall?)


(BSC-Simulator Operation Manual)
Starting The Application
========================
Start the program and wait 5 minutes. If nothing happens the computer might
have hanged itself.


(QASIS - Quality Audit System Implementation Services)
General QASIS Guidelines
========================
Project Managers quotations:
"Remove the inspection lamp from the climbers toolkit - **company** don't
climb at night!"

"Remove every occurence word "volatile", use "unstable" instead." Swedes do
not understand unusual words like volatile. We have to make it more
pedagogical.
(The author used "Non-Unstable Memory" in the document.)


(Grounding Guidelines 190 08-FAD 101 0991 Uen)
Surge Protection And Bonding Systems For AC Power Installations in RBS
Installations
============================================================================
========
Another AC SPD must be installed at a proper distance to the AC SPD at RBS
MET.

The average length of a cable used must not exceed the maximum delivered
length, unless a joint is not allowed to be.


English-English     / **company**-English
===============       ================

Shakeproof washer   / Star washer
Cable duct          / cable ditch
Bolt                / Screw
Screw               / Screw
Drawing             / Document (or Drawing document)
List                / Document
Table               / Document
Cable route drawing / Cable-way document
People              / Personnel
Opponent            / Opponent
Proponent           / With-person (pl: with-personnel)
Error               / Error
Err                 / Errored (or "to error")
ATU                 / ASTCU (antenna System Tuning & Correction Unit)
Defect report       / Trouble report
Lightning rod       / Air-termination system (ATS)
Lightning cable     / Tower-down conductor system (TDCS)
Earth(ing) rod      / Ground-termination system (GTS)
Testing             / verification (as in instruction: "Verify the
cabinet.")
Flashgun (camera)   / flashlight


Today we are seeing loads of enforced bad grammar, simpley by the use of
abbreviations and acronyms. The meanings of the abbreviations are often long
since forgotten. For example:

SMS means "Short Message Service", so how do you "send me a short message
service"?

IF means "Intermediate Frequency", so "what is your intermediate frequency
frequency"?